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The Uncensored Guide to Lap Dancing: Part Five & Conclusion

Tip the dancers on stage, even if you’re not sitting at the stage.

Click here for Part Four

LAP DANCE ETIQUETTE

Or, that dance doesn’t stink. You do!

You’re not going on a date when you enter a strip club and look for a lap dance, but you’re still going to be associating with women. Just because you have what they want (money) doesn’t mean you can be a disgusting pig. So, before you leave for the club:

1. Take a shower or make sure you smell good. You want these girls getting as close to you as possible, and they’re not going to want to if you smell like a garbage dump.

2. Think twice before putting on cologne. What if she doesn’t like what you’re wearing? What if it reminds her of her ex-deadbeat boyfriend (as opposed to her current deadbeat boyfriend)? Remember, you’re not trying to build a long-lasting relationship with her. You’re trying to get her to grind your cock in a way that’ll get you off.

3. Don’t wear rough pants. If you wear denim jeans, make sure they’re soft and pre-washed. Soft khakis are good. Sweatpants are fine, too, if the club allows them. Loose and soft is the way to go. If you have the balls, wear baggy shorts with no underwear. When you get to the club, take your keys and bulky items out of your front pockets.

4. If you haven’t shaved for a few days, shave. If you scrape a dancer’s boobs with your metrosexual stubble, her experience will be less than pleasant, and that will affect your experience. This rule does not apply if you have a full, soft beard.

Then, when you get to the club:

1. Don’t get drunk off your ass. First, you want to exercise some money management. One time, a friend and I went to a ballgame in Montreal. He drank a beer an inning. Then we went to one of Montreal’s notorious strip joints, at which he promptly fell in love with a dancer, convinced himself that she liked him and proceeded to empty his pockets. Of course, when he ran out of money, her love affair with him was over. A drunk guy in a strip club is what’s known as a mark. Nobody wants to be a mark.

2. Don’t be loud and obnoxious. Very few dancers like loud, obnoxious guys (they remind them of their boyfriends).

3. Tip the dancers on stage, even if you’re not sitting at the stage. You’ll score points with all the dancers, who’ll be more eager to score with you.

4. Don’t tip for a single lap dance. If you do, you will lock yourself in with that dancer. If you buy three or four dances from a girl, then you can throw in a tip after the final dance. Make her work for her money.

5. If you can swing it, tip the bouncer when you walk in. He’ll appreciate it and leave you alone (unless you’re violating the “Rules of the Room”).

6. If you intend to shoot a load during the dance, go to the men’s room while you’re hard or semi-hard and put on a condom. Otherwise, you’ll stain your shorts and pants and make a mess.

7. Dancers know they have hot bodies or they wouldn’t have been hired by the club, but they still need verbal reinforcement. Compliment her on her hair and body while she’s lapping you (without sounding like a porno perv).

8. Between  dances with the same girl, take a break for a chat (the length of one song) and offer to give her a foot massage. Dancers love foot massages (they’re standing on high heels for eight hours at a time), and when she starts her next dance, she’ll probably be more generous with her body.

9. Be nice to her. Use your hands to make love to her body. Just because she’s a stripper doesn’t mean she doesn’t like to feel good. When she’s sitting on your lap with her back to you, breathe lightly on the nape of her neck or into her ear. These are powerful erogenous zones for a woman, and even the toughest dancer will find herself getting turned on.

10. Keep the grinding rhythmic and strong when she is sitting on your lap. Match her motion, as if you’re dancing with her.

There are a few more touchy subjects we should deal with, too.

V.I.P. Rooms: Once she’s sitting on your lap, there’s a good chance she’ll try to lure you into the V.I.P. room. V.I.P. rooms tend to be very pricey, and what you’ll receive in the room varies from club to club and state to state (in some cases, you’ll get nothing more than a more-private experience and a bottle of overpriced champagne; in other cases, and for considerably more money, you’ll get a hand job, maybe a blow job, maybe full service). If you don’t want to go into the V.I.P. room, just say to her, nicely, “No thanks. I’m fine out here.” If she keeps pushing you, she’s a money-hungry whore and it might be time for you to cum and run. Or just run.

The Lap Dance Room Blow Job: Yes, there are clubs (I’ve been in them) where blow jobs or hand jobs, sometimes even full, sit-on-your-cock sex, are offered in the Lap Dance Room. I’ve been in clubs in which the girl pulled my cock out and went down to suck without even asking. Now, this might be tough to do in this situation, but it’s important: Insist on a condom. Because your cock won’t be the first cock she’s sucked in the Lap Dance Room. And it won’t be the last. Can you be positive that the last unsheathed cock she sucked was disease-free? No, you can’t!

Got all that? Now go out and get your dance!

Editors: Dave Rosenbaum & Elliot James

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The Tigerr, The Angel & The Stud in the ultimate guy fantasy

Posted by Elliot James on Jun 19, 2015 in girl-girls, Hardcore XXX, New at Scoreland, Poll, Tits in Tight Tops

Angel gets horny watching Tigerr dance.

The ultimate male sex fantasy?

One guy sexing two women.  Two women sexing one guy.

Almost every sex survey I’ve ever read puts male-female-female threesomes at the very top of the top ten of male fantasies.

In a survey we did at SCORELAND,  57% wanted to see threesomes with two girls and a guy while  25% wanted to see threesomes with one busty girl and two guys. Not surprising since two guys-one girl can become a sausage fest. Only 18% didn’t like watching threesomes at all. Three’s not company for them.

Today, big-boobed man-pleasers and all-around sex-vixens Angel Wicky and Tigerr Benson (ya know ‘em, ya love ‘em) team up to double-hump a dude on a strip club stage. Angel and Tigerr make the perfect tag-team to make this fantasy a hard reality. I really liked the contrast between Asian brunette Tigerr and ivory blonde Angel.

The show begins with Angel and her friend eye-banging Tigerr as she pole dances at a strip club. Angel takes audience participation to heart and wants to join Tigerr on stage and dance too. In a short time, they replace the steel pole with a man-pole, giving new meaning to the term “busty pole dancer.”

Tigerr and Angel make a girl sandwich.

 

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Alyssa Lynn, Katie Thornton and Anastasia Lux: Your SCORELAND weekend is complete

Friday: Alyssa Lynn has a special reason she’s going to boff for you in “Private Lap Grinder” but she’ll explain all that in the opener. Alyssa’s exotic dancing background (Club Risque in Philadelphia, Gold Club Centerfolds in Sacramento, California) and how fit she is jack up the heat levels to five alarms in this fantasy fuck scene.

I was very impressed by Alyssa’s reverse cowgirl pumping. She really worked the pole with her feet planted on the bed. That’s difficult, especially in dancer heels on a bed. I’ll bet her thighs and ass cheeks could crack walnuts.

I asked Alyssa how she reacts if a guy loses his load during one of her lap dances. Which is understandable. I mean, look at her. “I try not to show a reaction,” says Alyssa. “It happens. They usually run out anyway.”

Saturday: Someone else I’ve been waiting for. This is the SCORELAND debut of Katie Thornton, an English hottie with a body. “I always go out in the tightest, low-cut dresses,” says Katie. The British tabloid paparazzi have a thing for Katie. Easy to see why.

This is a babe who definitely is every inch a SCORE Girl in every way from her beautiful face to her big tits and gorgeous body. Katie comes to SCORE magazine in the August ’15 edition and we’re sure her debut will rock the readers.

Sunday: Another stunner and part of what I hope is the new British invasion of SCORELANDAnastasia Lux‘s tight striped dress is stretched to the max by her voluptuous figure. Anastasia’s debut last month generated a lot of feedback on the Blog, inside SCORELAND and via emails. Several guys have made it a point to note Anastasia’s sexy voice. Her vocal talents get plenty of play in this video. She’s in-your-face and very engaging on-camera. Her first XXX scene is March 27th. She’ll be scorchin’.

Anastasia and Katie haven’t visited the SCORE building in Miami yet but from what I’m told by our team across the Pond, they’re both a lot of fun; upbeat and cheery.

So there you go. A very well-rounded weekend!

 

 

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International Dance Day? No. International Sexy Dance Day? Yes.

According to the Wiki gods, today is International Dance Day. On this day, you can dance if you want to, you can leave your friends behind….

No, wait…that’s the Safety Dance.

Well, although they deemed it International Dance Day, the powers that be failed to say what kind of dancing that entailed, so I am going to go ahead and call today International Sexy Dance Day. Just let the International Dance Committee try and stop me.

So on this day I am going to pay homage to some sexy dancers that I happen to enjoy. All of these ladies dance their asses off, naked, and that is really the best kind of dancing there is.

And I don’t think it matters what you call them; strippers, exotic dancers, ecdysiasts, bump-and-grinders, burlesque queens, lap dancers, peelers, or striptease artists, they are amazing and that’s all there is to it.

In fact, I remember when SCORE used to do a feature called Caught in the Act where we would check out one of our busty babes at the strip club she was dancing at. And who can forget the dancing on the deck during those long nights at sea during the Boob Cruises? Yes, we have always held the naked dancer in high regard here at SCORELAND.

So check out these tiny-yet-huge-breasted dancers and enjoy International Sexy Dance Day, because even though it’s not a holiday, it totally fucking should be.

You’re welcome.

xoxo, Maria

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