The headline in today’s New York Post definitely caught my eye: “Staring at women’s breasts is just one of six easy ways men can live longer.”
Turns out having lots of sex is another of those six ways.
Okay, when someone tells me to exercise two hours a day and not eat French fries, my mind glazes over.
But staring at tits and having a lot of sex? I can do that.
The article linked to another article in Medical Daily that stated, “Previously, it’s been reported men who stare at women’s breasts tend to live longer, but this has been debunked. However, Men’s Health provided a scientific explanation for why ogling at breasts could boost longevity for men.
“They explained staring at breasts or looking at cute animals benefit a man’s health by creating a positive mindset. Pleasant emotions can help both men and women make better decisions about their health.”
Basically, doing anything that feels good will make you live longer? Okay. And staring at tits is one of those ways?
1. If this is true, I’m going to live forever.
2. I knew we were doing a public service at SCORELAND, but I didn’t know how much of a public service.
Live longer. Check out your favorite racks today at SCORELAND.
When I first found out about what I thought were the Pussy Riots going on in Russia, I got very excited. I don’t think I had an exact vision of what I was imagining, but in my mind, somewhere in Russia, there were a lot of exposed pussies and they were going wild or maybe a bunch of women were gathering in Red Square and protesting something or other by showing off their pussies. Which, I think, could be a very effective means of protest. Let’s face it: men’s minds go crazy when they see pussy, their little heads take over their big heads and they start doing things they wouldn’t otherwise do if not for the presence of pussy. They’re vulnerable. They’ll do anything.
I was only slightly disappointed when I learned that it wasn’t Pussy Riots. It was Pussy Riot, and Pussy Riot is the name of a feminist punk-rock band in Russia that was thrown in jail for three years for speaking out (singing out, actually) against Russian President Vladimir Putin. I say that I was only slightly disappointed because although the Pussy Riots I had imagined weren’t taking place, I still was able to take a lot of Beavis & Butt-head-type pleasure from seeing stodgy old newspapers like The New York Times, The Washington Post and even The Times of London, England forced to use the phrase “Pussy Riot” in their headlines and articles. Can you imagine Queen Elizabeth sitting down for her afternoon tea and seeing headlines like “Pussy Riot Outrage” and “Putin Offers Hope For Pussy…Riot Trial.” (Ellipsis mine).
Of course, at times like these, I can get a little greedy. Things I wish the band had been called instead:
1. Cum-Glazed Mega-Tits
2. Shaved Cunt
3. Tit-Fucked Sluts.
So, for example: “Russia’s human rights ombudsman on Thursday called the prison sentences handed down to three women from punk band Shaved Cunt ‘excessive’ and warned that the case was igniting dangerous tensions within society.”
Or: “Guilty Verdict in Trial of Cum-Glazed Mega-Tits.”
Anyway, to get to my point, I’d just like to point out that there’s a Pussy Riot (and a big-tits riot) going on all the time at SCORELAND. This weekend, for example, Sabrina Linn tries to quell her own, personal Pussy Riot (a riot caused by the fact that her pussy hadn’t had any cock in a day or two) by getting fucked by two hung studs. Then, in homage to Vladmir Putin, she has the two guys Put their cocks In her asshole. The Pussy Riot continues on Saturday with Krystal Swift’s pussy and tits. Then, on Sunday, some lucky guy’s cock gets to experience Krystal’s Pussy Riot first hand. Krsytal’s pussy does not protest, and it ends up getting thoroughly fucked and satisfied.
And isn’t that how it should be? There would be no Pussy Riots or any unrest in the world if everybody would just calm down and fuck. Or spend their weekends at SCORELAND. I guarantee, your cock won’t protest.