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The Uncensored Guide to Lap Dancing: Part Four

Today we address the "Rules of the Room."

Click here for Part 3


Or, how to avoid getting bounced.

I’ve had my hand pushed away by a lap dancer. But never twice by the same lap dancer. At least not on the same part of her body.

I’ve locked my mouth around a lap dancer’s tit and heard, “Lick. Don’t suck.” And she only had to tell me once.

I’ve had hundreds of lap dances, some good, some bad, some memorable, and by now, I think I know the Rules of the Room.

You’re not going to see the Rules of the Lap Dance Room posted anywhere. You just have to know them.

1. No means no. Listen to what she says! You do not want to piss off your lap dancer. She’s your friend. You want her to make you happy. You want her to want to make you happy. So when she tells you not to bite or suck her nipple, don’t bite it. If you’re kneading her tits like a pile of dough and she says, “Soft, not hard,” then soft, not hard, it is.

2. Do not try to finger her pussy unless she invites you to do it. Don’t worry. She’ll let you know if it’s okay. You’ll be playing with her hips. Maybe your hand will wander over her G-string. And she’ll direct your hand to her pussy. If she does, rub it. If she moans, finger it. The same rule applies to her ass, although I’ve been with only a handful of dancers who let me finger their assholes. Which brings me to the next rule…

3. If she’s letting you finger her, don’t go from her pussy to her ass and back again. That’s an hygienic no-no.

4. Keep your cock in your pants unless she invites you to take your cock out of your pants, which she probably won’t. Violating this rule could get you thrown out of the club if there’s a bouncer nearby.

5. Don’t try to kiss her on the lips. Kiss her ears (but don’t stick your tongue in them), kiss her shoulders, kiss her neck, but don’t try to kiss her on the lips, don’t try to French her and don’t slobber! Besides, for reasons I’m not going to go into here but should be obvious, you don’t want to French her.

6. Remember, a good dancer not only wants to make you happy this time, she wants to keep you as a customer. She’ll let you know what you can do, either by directing your hands or whispering in your ear. On the other hand…

7. A good, professional dancer never gives it all away during the first song. Chances are–and this only goes for a good dancer–the more you invest, the more comfortable she’ll get with you and the more risqué she’ll become. The more certain she’ll be that you’re not a cop. Strippers are like real-life girls in that way. The more time you spend with them, the nicer they are to you. Unless you’re an asshole.

8. Don’t be afraid to make special requests. No, I’m not telling you to say to her, “Blow me.” What I’m saying is, if she’s facing you and you want to see her ass, just say to her, “Let me see your ass.” Say it politely, not gruffly. If she has her ass in your face and you want to see her tits, ask her to turn around. Don’t say, “Turn around, bitch.” Say, “Let me see those beautiful tits again.”

Finally, make sure your cock is facing the right way (whatever’s comfortable for you; for me, it’s up and leaning left). Don’t be afraid to say to her, “Can you give me a second to adjust myself?” She’s been through this routine before. And be discreet when the bouncer or bartender are nearby or in the room. In other words, when the bouncer walks by isn’t the time to shove a finger up her tight little ass.

Know the rules of the club. Know the girl’s rules. If you really like a dancer, build a relationship with her. No, I’m not telling you to take her home to meet the parents. With familiarity comes better, hotter dances.

To be continued.

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Motorboating with Miami mami Daylene Rio

Daylene is about to be motorboated.

No, not that kind of motorboating.

Yeesh, it’s been close to a year since Daylene Rio visited Haulover Beach in Miami and went topless. A beach flag was immediately raised while she was still in her bikini. This flag has two tan circles which means “huge-breasted girl alert.”

Today, Daylene goes for a boat ride in Biscayne Bay and does what comes naturally to her, meaning take off her bikini and show off her massive tits, her booty-butt and her pussy.

It’s always a pleasure to have Daylene visit.

“I love Miami. It was so fun to be on a fast boat on the water. It was very windy but I had a ball.”

A pole dance on the ocean means lots of fresh air and sunshine. A truly healthy activity for young women.

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The Tigerr, The Angel & The Stud in the ultimate guy fantasy

Posted by Elliot James on Jun 19, 2015 in girl-girls, Hardcore XXX, New at Scoreland, Poll, Tits in Tight Tops

Angel gets horny watching Tigerr dance.

The ultimate male sex fantasy?

One guy sexing two women.  Two women sexing one guy.

Almost every sex survey I’ve ever read puts male-female-female threesomes at the very top of the top ten of male fantasies.

In a survey we did at SCORELAND,  57% wanted to see threesomes with two girls and a guy while  25% wanted to see threesomes with one busty girl and two guys. Not surprising since two guys-one girl can become a sausage fest. Only 18% didn’t like watching threesomes at all. Three’s not company for them.

Today, big-boobed man-pleasers and all-around sex-vixens Angel Wicky and Tigerr Benson (ya know ‘em, ya love ‘em) team up to double-hump a dude on a strip club stage. Angel and Tigerr make the perfect tag-team to make this fantasy a hard reality. I really liked the contrast between Asian brunette Tigerr and ivory blonde Angel.

The show begins with Angel and her friend eye-banging Tigerr as she pole dances at a strip club. Angel takes audience participation to heart and wants to join Tigerr on stage and dance too. In a short time, they replace the steel pole with a man-pole, giving new meaning to the term “busty pole dancer.”

Tigerr and Angel make a girl sandwich.


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Hot pole work for a busty lap dancer

Posted by Elliot James on Aug 14, 2014 in Hardcore XXX, modeling jobs, New at Scoreland, newcomers, Tit Tricks

Alyssa Lynn went from being a busty lap dancer in Philadelphia, city of smotherly love, to a porn star, and SCORE was happy to help Alyssa accomplish those American dreams.

Alyssa’s first SCORE magazine is the upcoming Holiday ’14 edition.

In her first SCORELAND XXX, Alyssa meets JMac, who gives her a different kind of pole to slide on. How did that go?

I’ll tell you this much: Alyssa gives a tremendous blow job and her standing fuck on those big dancer heels in the video is very impressive. There’s nothing Alyssa needs to bone-up on, so to speak. She’s a natural-born porn-sex babe.

“Porn sex is a little different than regular sex because you’re constantly taking breaks, but it’s intense and that’s how I like fucking off-camera,” says Alyssa.

See it, read about it, live it tomorrow at SCORELAND.

Does your girlfriend or wife do this? If yes, you're a lucky man.

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It’s big boob showtime with Sirale in a hardcore SCORE threesome

Posted by Elliot James on Dec 30, 2013 in Deep Inside Scoreland, Hardcore XXX, New at Scoreland, newcomers

This is the first time Sirale has played hot stripper. The brunette curvette spins around the cold steel tube like she’s been doing it for a long time. Sirale can work it and she’s got moves. Her audience of two want to give Sirale and her big boobs something hard also. Tune into SCORELAND and turn on to Sirale.

Sirale works that pole.

Sirale has the moves.

Now it gets crazy.


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Patty Michova plays on the pole in her first XXX SCORE video

A nice, quiet afternoon at his favorite strip club watering hole was what this man wanted. The place was empty except for a new girl he’d never seen before. She said her name was Patty Michova and she had just started dancing.

Her pole dance practice has only just begun.

Patty’s also patriotic. Check out her shoes.

See how Patty poles at SCORELAND.

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Watch Patty work the pole.

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When big boobs wrap around a pole, magic happens

Posted by Elliot James on Mar 25, 2013 in Deep Inside Scoreland, Life With Big Tits, New at Scoreland, Uncategorized

A pretty girl, a pole, a sunny day.

No, not pole as in man-pole.

Pole as in a vertical metal pole.

Flower-child Melissa Mandlikova wrapped her soft tits around a pole (a lamp post, to be exact) during a sunny fling outdoors in a photo set posted yesterday at SCORELAND.

It reminded me of many a happy hour sitting in a dark topless club watching strippers wrap their boobs around poles. It’s a very relaxing activity, and I recommend it. Whoever invented a pole sticking out of a dance stage was a freaking genius.

Pole dancing allegedly began in the 12th century for pagan fertility rites. In the early 20th century, traveling tent shows employed dancers to lure the crowds. Some of these carny dancers would perform around the tent’s center pole.  Some claim that the Canadian strip clubs originated and modernized pole dancing as we know it in the 1980s. There’s a petition to make pole dancing an Olympic sport.

 When a girl with big boobs encounters a pole, magical things happen.

Here are some other magical pole moments out of SCORELAND.

Crystal Gunns works that pole.

Deborah Blue, now-retired German pole-wrapper.

Persia Monir, Florida stripper.


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Those were the days…but there’s nothing wrong with these days, either

Posted by Dave on Jan 21, 2012 in Confessions, Poll, The Life of an Editor

Natalie is somewhat like the sexy, voluptuous Euro chicks I'd often see at the Harmony in New York City (but Natalie has much bigger tits).

The poll currently running in the members area of SCORELAND asks, “How important is adult entertainment to you?” The choices and results so far:

Important. I would miss it if I couldn’t get it: 37%

Extremely important. I must have it: 27%

Fairly important–in moderation. I could go weeks without it: 18%

Not important. I could live completely without it: 4%

Interesting results, and not surprising. My answer is somewhere between “Important” and “Vital To Life.” But here’s what I really want to know: What’s your idea of adult entertainment?

Back in the late 1980s, when New York’s Times Square was a haven for smut (and I mean that in the best way), a few enjoyable hours within a six- or seven-block radius might be spent as followed:

1. Get off the subway. Head on down to the Harmony Burlesque for some dollar-a-minute lap dance excitement. Maybe watch the stage show for a while. Get a lap dance, complete with tits in your face and (at the time) hairy pussy in your hand at one of the sleaziest lap-dance joints there ever was.

2. Head back downstairs (the Harmony was on the second floor of a building just off Broadway, and you had to walk up a long set of steps to get to it). Walk over to Show World on the corner of 8th Avenue and 42nd Street, right across from the Port Authority bus terminal. Catch a live sex show in one of the booths. Maybe go upstairs to the Triple Treat Theater and watch porn stars fucking on-stage (I will never forget the time three girls were doing a lezzie show, complete with dildos and anal beads. Two of the girls stuffed the other girl’s asshole with the beads, then auctioned off the right to pull them out. I think the winning bid was $10). And does anybody remember what was in the basement level of Show World?

3. Back outside. Grab a pretzel. Re-fill the wallet at the ATM machine. Check out the latest releases at the video store just off 42nd and Eighth. Walk up the street a bit to the live peep-show emporium where, downstairs, on stages surrounded by booths like carousels, the girls let you play with their tits and finger their pussies.

4. Now, sadly, it’s time to go back home. You’re out of money. But by the time you get home, you’re horny all over again, so you whip out a copy of a big-boob magazine or pop a VHS into your VCR and jack to Suzy Nero, Chessie Moore, Kay Parker or some other big-tit star.

And that’s a helluva day. It’s a day you couldn’t have today. Few things have changed as much as adult entertainment. Now, SCORELAND can be a one-stop destination for all your adult entertainment needs. No need to leave your home and hop on the train. No need to re-fill your wallet at the ATM. No need to even get dressed. I like that. I like that a lot.

But you know what? Sometimes, I wish I could have one more lap dance at the Harmony or one more live sex show at Show World. But if somebody told me I had to give up SCORELAND to get it, I’d tell them, “Thanks, but no thanks.”

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Charley Green makes the SCORELAND scene

Posted by Elliot James on May 3, 2011 in New at Scoreland, newcomers
Charley boobicizes the bed pole.

Charley boobicizes the bed pole.

British pin-up star Charley Green scores this week from the island of St. Maarten, where the warmth and sunshine do wonders for English girls. A London bird, Charley loves to travel, so this tropical holiday was perfect for her. Yesterday, we published Charley’s first photo shoot and her interview with SCORE’s studio manager T. Today, a video of Charley taking the bar that holds her bed’s mosquito netting and turning it into a pole dance prop. Now that’s British engineering ingenuity at work. She literally turned her bedroom into a titty bra. Like Leanne Crow, Charley traveled  to the island to meet up with several other busty wonder girls for a special presentation exclusively for SCORELAND members. It kicks off this Friday. Trust me, don’t miss this one.

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La Dulce Vida

Posted by Elliot James on Jan 15, 2011 in Interviews, New at Scoreland, newcomers

One of the first things that’ll whiplash you about sweet Natasha Dulce is her skin. It’s absolutely perfect. Beautifully colored, smooth and creamy. Beautiful big tits and a gorgeous body. A happy girl with a mega-bucks smile. She won the dice roll at genetic craps. Here’s the fast track about her.

Natasha's interview and hardcore scene awaits.

Natasha's interview and hardcore scene awaits.

A 20 year-old sweater stretcher from Tampa, Florida.
Birthday: July 8th.
Brazilian-Cuban-American heritage.
Favorite TV show: The Bad Girls Club.
Thinks Kim Kardashian is hot.
Likes to dress casual and sexy.
Favorite position: doggie-style.
Was fired at 18 from her job at McDonalds for not wearing that dumb paper hat. Was that manager crazy?
Applied for a stripper job at the Mons Venus club. Was told she was not skinny enough. Was that manager crazy?
Went to the 2001 Odyssey all-nude club and was hired.
Rides the pole at 2001.
Rides the pole at SCORELAND today.
If you miss her, you’re crazy too.

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