Breastaurants are getting bigger. The waitresses’ tiny outfits are getting tinier.

November 30, 2013 by Elliot James

Since this is a heavy eating weekend in the United States and for Americans around the globe, this is the right time for a Blog story about: Breastaurants.

Breastaurants: You may know ’em, you probably love ’em if you’re a SCORELAND Blog reader.

They have big-screen TVs set to sports channels and bar-style food and beer served by pretty girls wearing sexy, skimpy, tight outfits. A brilliant concept if the right girls are interested in being servers, and they clearly are judging by how easily the breastaurants find their many employees.

The word breastaurant went big about five years ago and has stuck, said the southwest bureau chief of the trade publication Nation’s Restaurant News. “Some of the brands are trying to get away from it because it has a connotation of sex, but that’s basically what the category is selling.”

The first and original breastaurant was Hooters. Now there is a slew of imitators making bank. Hooters alone made $858-million in 2012, and its closest competitor, Tilted Kilt, took in $123-million. The managers don’t interview waitresses. They audition them.

Here’s my breastaurant rundown of the most well-known names. It seems to me that they’re good places to find potential SCORE models, although my local Hooters didn’t have any waitresses even as busty as the smallest-chested SCORE Girls. I was ready to hand out the SCOREModelsWanted.com business card.

Hooters: Hot girls in their traditional orange booty shorts and chicken wings.

Twin Peaks: Trains its scantily clad girls to touch the table in a sales technique called “touchnology.”

The Heart Attack Grill: The waitresses dress like nurses and serve the world’s greasiest, fattiest food. Criticized by medical professionals.

The Tilted Kilt: The girls wear short, plaid kilts, white socks and belly-baring tops. Hoot-er, mon!

Mugs N Jugs: beer specialists in tight, black tank tops.

Red Neck Heaven: Texas-style tube tops and denim cut-offs. Think Daisy from Dukes of Hazzard.

The CANZaciti Roadhouse: They show more skin than a chicken wing.

Bikinis Sports Bar and Grill: Exactly. The skimpier the bikini the more you drink.

Wowies Sports Bar and Grill: Florida girls in skin-tight tank tops and camel-toe yoga pants.

Show-Me’s: White tank tops, pink camel-toe booty shorts and chicken wings in the mid-west.

Stacked Burgers: Created by three ex-jocks. The girls wear denim shorts and the usual tank tops.

Bone Daddy’s: You have a dirty mind. The girls serve in the standard two-piece hottie uniforms.

Cheerleaders Sports Bar and Grill: Yes, and sometimes they do bikini car washes.

The question is, who can eat and drink with a boner?

Want breasts with those chicken wings?

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4 responses to “Breastaurants are getting bigger. The waitresses’ tiny outfits are getting tinier.”

  1. Keith says:

    holy fuck that gets the imagination going…super stacked babes wearing tight cutoff t-shirts and tiny cutoff shorts- thing is the patrons would be required to keep those shirts soaked with beer- think of all the pitchers they could sell

  2. Nick says:

    My favorite was in the Central Florida area in the early 80s.
    About the same time Hooters was starting I think.
    “Joanne’s Chili Bordello”
    Even the TV show “Real People” covered it with co-host (the late) Skip Stephenson doing on on site report – they asked him how the chili was and he said ‘what chili?” The waitresses all wore lingerie.

  3. Phil says:

    Breastaurants loll!

  4. Ca united kingdom says:

    Amazing, now where is that resturant ha ha big juggs could sell sand to the arabs