“Sleeves and Straps Are Barely There” read the New York Times headline about women’s fashion at the Oscars Sunday night. Wrote some blogger I’ve never heard of, “Starlets went strapless in all colors at last night’s Academy Awards. Jennifer Lawrence wore a white Dior haute couture dress” blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
What the New York Times didn’t tell you is why so many of these “starlets” went strapless and why they were able to go strapless without any fear of a wardrobe malfunction. I am sorry to say this, BUT BIG TITS HAVE BECOME NON-EXISTENT IN HOLLYWOOD.
The art director of SCORE, whose opinion I trust, tells me that TV stars still have big tits, but movie stars have “become so anorexic that their tits disappear.”
Listen, I never thought Jennifer Aniston was stacked, but I never knew she was as flat-chested as she looked Sunday night. When host Seth MacFarlane sang that “We Saw Your Boobs” song, I was looking around like, “Where?” I wasn’t seeing any boobs.
This is, indeed, a tragedy. Once upon a time, many actresses had big tits. These ladies wouldn’t have dared to go strapless in public for two reasons: 1.) the possible wardrobe malfunction; 2.) strapless dresses, shirts and bras minimize, and why would they want to minimize?
All I can say is that the Oscars telecast was totally depressing. Halle Berry doesn’t have huge tits, but she looked like a SCORE Girl compared to her peers. And, no, she didn’t go strapless. She needed something to hold up those puppies.