Okay, so sometimes I do things I am not supposed to.
I can’t help it.
When the “they” in charge tell me, “Maria you can’t do this and that,” and, “Maria, you absolutely cannot post this and that,” all I hear is, “Maria, we are challenging you to break the rules,” and, “Maria, we triple-dog dare you to attempt to do this. DO IT! DO IT!”
I’m bad. I’m so, so bad. It’s an innate thing. I can’t change it.
That is why when a very-pregnant Kali West was in our studios and they told me, “You most-certainly CANNOT go in there and film her preggo and going at it for the blog,” that is exactly what I did.
I grabbed my video camera, walked into the studio and shot it.
Then I ran, ran like hell and threw this tape at Lester our video editor and told him this was our little secret.
He edited it, and I have sat on it for a few months, patiently waiting for the right time to post it. (You have to time your law-breaking the right way. If you jump the gun, chances are that gun will come back and shoot you in the ass!)
But I figured since Kali is now up on SCORELAND doing a Tits & Tugs scene, this would be the opportune time to give you guys this footage. Sorry it’s dark and grainy. I couldn’t exactly ask them to light it for me, now could I? And I was afraid that if I got closer, that I would have interrupted the shoot and then there would have been hell to pay.
Regardless, here are some interesting deets for you guys.
Kali was four months preggo when she shot Mamazon.
Kali was eight-months during this clam diddling video.
Kali is from Florida and has a 36DD rack.
Kali also stars in Chesty Preggos 2. (With Lorna Morgan, who really butters my biscuits, if ya know what I mean.)
You should, if you get a chance, check out Kali’s tug scene. But for now, enjoy this secret footage that’s not, so, um, secret anymore. lol Come what may, I am always glad to break the law for you guys. 🙂
Being the editor of Voluptuous has its perks. For one, I get to stare at big, natural tatas all day long. That is never a bad thing. Secondly, I get to see naked, hot chicks with, yeah you guessed it, big, natural tatas all day, too. And sometimes they are fucking and sucking and sucking and fucking and I get an eyeful of all that busty sex and it’s good. Being an editor…it ain’t a bad gig, I tell you.
And you know what else I see all day?
Bras.
Yup, I come across all sorts of over-the-shoulder-boulder-holders, in all shapes and sizes. They’re an interesting article of clothing, bras are. I often examine these tit contraptions closely because I am always on the lookout for sexy styles for the new V-girls to do their shoots in. Well, today I got to thinking about how when I interview V-Girls, they usually say that there are not a lot of varieties of bras for big tits and that they usually get stuck wearing plain, lacy, white bras. They tell me this with a frown on their faces which leads me to believe that they are unhappy with their white-bra-wearing predicament, but I can’t for the life of me figure out why.
You see, to me, the white, lace bra is a classic. A staple. I think that chicks look hot in them. Some of my
Fiona's see-through white bra exposes her dark nips and that is ALWAYS a good thing.
earliest horny feelings about busty ladies werewhen I would look at the mail-order catalogs for companies like Maidenform when I was younger. All those tits in those white bras. It was heavenly. And I like it when we shoot our models in white bras, too. Something about their tits compressed in that white, cotton harness makes me happy. But maybe that is because I, too, wear white bras. (Because it’s true…big bras come in limited colors. You’re lucky if you’re a busty gal and you have any bra that is not white, black or nude colored.)
Chloe's white, lace cups runneth over.
And I’ve noticed that there seems to be a group of tit-men out there who agree with me, too. I often get letters from readers when we feature a model in a white, lacy bra saying how much they enjoy the bra shots before the model gets naked.
But, like all things in life, I also come across fans who want bras in different colors and don’t like the white bras, saying they look too old-fashioned.
So, I’m going to take this topic to the masses, namely, you guys. lol
What is your position on white bras? Are you for them or against them? Do they make your cock hard or do they annhilate your boner? Inquiring minds want to know.
There are a lot of things that impressed me when I first started working for SCORE about five and a half years ago. Back in those days, I was a records clerk, going through our magazines and pushing paperwork around the office for each issue.
One of the most-impressive things was meeting the great boob Jedi Master himself, Mr. Elliot James. The man who could identify a model by just seeing a picture of her nipple and could then tell me the entire history of her career and what magazines she appeared in. (My goal is to one day have the Boob Force that Jedi James has.)
The second impressive thing at SCORE was the HUGE image library filled with about a zillion photo sets of busty babes. (Like Xanadu, but with tits!)
Check out the HUGE knockers on Cindy. Fake, but fuckin' impressive!
But, I will admit (With a sheepish grin on my face!) that
Zena Fulsom's gargantuan guns are actually prosthetic.
THE most impressive thing of all time were the photos of Zena and Cindy Fulsom I ran into one day in said image library.
My first thoughts were HOLY SHIT! WHAT THE FUCK!?! Followed by WHOA!
Naturally, after seeing these two ladies’ intensely immense assets, I ran to Elliot, who told me the whole history of the Fulsom sisters and their, um, what words would be best to describe them…hmmm…their GINORMOUS CANNONS. Yes, that phrase fits.
Chelsea's big hooters are actual implants that are composed of polypropylene string.
You see, apparently the ladies wore prosthetic tatas. (I know, I was just as disappointed as you to find out that these jugs were removable!) And apparently, their chesticles caused such a stir that people would NOT believe that they were prosthetic. They kept insisting that they were real. (Probably bolstered by the implants that Chelsea Charms has, too. They probably figured if those things are on Chelsea and are actual implants, then the Fulsom sisters have to be real, too!)
So, I walked away with the knowledge that the Fulsom sisters a.) were not sisters and b.) were just wearing a boob costume, if you will.
A few years later, I had the luck of being sent to our studios in London to spend a week collecting sets and records to be shipped back to the States. I got to meet some of our British photogs, and as luck would have it, they took a shining to me and let me have a behind-the-scenes tour of our London Studios.
And while we were walking around the cavernous building, I nonchalantly asked about the Fulsom girls. Well, these lovely gents gave me the entire rundown on how the prosthetic breasts were created and how it took over 12 hours to attach them to the girls for the shoot. Apparently, the breasts were made by the same man who does all the prosthetic work for the productions of the Elephant Man around the world. (Just a fun fact for you!) And it took this gentleman many, many, many sets of prosthetic tits before they got a pair to actually attach to the model and not crack and fall to pieces once they were on due to gravity.
I appreciated the story and thought that was it and went back to work. But then, a few hours later, the Brits came back and told me to come along because they had a surprise for me. We walked through all these passages and halls (Our London studios are HUGE!) and finally arrived at a room where, once inside, they presented me with THE ACTUAL PROSTHETIC TITS worn by Zena Fulsom! (Even as I type this, I am literally LOL’ing.) You can imagine how impressive these huge, latex knockers were. So, I did what I imagine ANY of YOU would have done in that situation…I put them on. lol
I put them on and walked around for a bit, laughing and bumping into people with them. (They were surprisingly heavier than I thought they would be.) Then they showed me footage of the prosthetic tatas being put on to Zena. According to them, no one had seen that footage since it was shot. And to this day, no one has seen it since! I felt honored to be given a backstage pass to such a quirky piece of SCORE history.
And that, my friends, is my story about the Fulsom girls. And although Elliot James may be our resident Boob Jedi Master, he has never seen said footage or felt the actual Fulsom falsies…and I have! So, I kinda feel like I have one up on him. LOL! (Sorry Elliot!)
I may have said it before, but I will say it again…I love my job. Thanks for letting me share a little piece of my SCORE history with you.
There is something about a curvy chick in full-on pinup attire that does something for me. Maybe it’s that as a child, I watched a lot of old movies on public television (We didn’t have cable until the ’90s at my house), and that included lots of old movies with Jayne Mansfield, Jane Russell and Marilyn Monroe. I became obsessed with women in cute, little outfits that showed lots of leg and ample bosom. They didn’t appear slutty to me, but rather, they were curvaceous, classy women who seemed to always be
London looks like a curvaceous calendar girl in this outfit.
Daphne may not be showing a lot of skin, but there is no denying her curves in this retro outfit.
having the time of their lives and could walk into a room and instantaneouly hold the attention of everyone there.They oozed this confident, semi-cheeky sensuality that I thought was the greatest thing since sliced bread.
In fact, I remember finding a box of slides once in my grandfather’s study, and it was full of half-naked pinups. And although I was old enough to know that these were “dirty pictures,” I was fascinated by these sexy women. I thought that they were amazing in their lingerie and garters. It made such an impression on me that I would, in my adult years, go on to dress this way for fancy events. To me, pinup style is the epitome of hot. I think it’s, well, the cat’s meow. 😉
This shot moved me so much that it landed Hillary the cover of the Dec. '09 issue of V-mag.
Maybe this is why when I do photo edits here at SCORELAND, the pics that I love most are the ones that channel that old Hollywood style I have come to equate with smoldering sexuality. In fact, when doing the photo edits for Voluptuous‘ December 2009 issue, I came across this shot of Hillary Hooterz, who just so happened to be debuting in said issue. When my art director Vanessa and I took a closer look, we both knew that this was THE shot, and we put it on the cover.
Just take a look at Hillary’s beautiful face and heaving cleavage spilling out of that blouse and showing just a peek of her polka-dotted bra. This shot, at least to me, teases and tantalizes and is probably hotter than if she had just posed topless. There is something about a woman who can show her curves and do it in such a way that even though she is fully clothed, you get just as horny as if she were naked. That’s the allure of pinup style, and whenever I see a girl dressed this way (Even when they are dressed in more of a Rockabilly style, which is, like, pinups with lots of tattoos), I am instantly drawn to her.
Just thought I’d share, considering that I confess most of my rack ruminations on here. Are you guys into pinups as much as I am?
When it comes to the girls’ wardrobes, I know a lot of people like to see them in the kind of outfits a girl wears in “real life” (the mall, a restaurant, the park), but my own personal preference is costume play, aka “cos play.” Maybe that’s because I lived down the block from a strip club during my formative years. We did a survey on SCORELAND not long ago, asking “What is your favorite fantasy girl?”
Cherry Brady: heavy-hanging angel of mercy.
Sexy teacher was #1 with 47% of 1000 polled while sexy nurse was second with 33%. For me, it’s nurse and maid. I had only a couple of hot teachers my whole life; the rest were ugly, old meanies. So I have a hard time relating. But I’ve known hot nurses and hot maids. Sexist? Of course. I fully admit it.
Carolyn Monroe cures this sicko on SCORELAND.
There’s a restaurant in Tempe, Arizona called the Heart Attack Grill with waitresses dressed like nurses. The nurse motif is not really why it’s called that. It’s the high-fat menu. Reporters, columnists, writers as well as nurses and nursing organizations have criticized the restaurant and the overall fantasy depiction of the nursing profession in movies and men’s magazines. The owner is my hero, and not for his burgers. Does anyone else fantasize about Cindy Cupps, Cherry Brady and Jezhabelle nursing you back from a fake illness? Or serving you non-fatty veggie-burgers in a hospital restaurant? But it has to be a fantasy nurse outfit out of Fredericks or Shirley of Hollwood. And they have to wear stripper fuck-shoes. Not a real nurse’s outfit. Especially those God-awful real-life British nurse uniforms. Those don’t measure up. Renee Ross said she wears scrubs. That doesn’t do it for me, but the thought of her being a nurse does.
Alanna Ackerman's visiting nurse service
Sexist? Chauvinistic? You bet. And proud of it. I have my list of SCORELAND Girls who’ve yet to don the crossed cap that I want to see dressed as nurses. A man can hope.
I love to see a woman's tits from the side…thank you, Yurizan!
I love to blog about tits and why I love them, why they rule and all the good stuff in between.
And part of that involves one of my favorite things of all time…
The profile shot of a great pair of bazoombas.
I don’t know what it is about that titty side-view that makes me happy, but it does.
(Check out Yurizan‘s profile shot from the Holiday ’08 issue of SCORE. Isn’t it glorious? Doesn’t it just bring a smile of pure joy to your face?)
Maybe it’s because deep down inside, in places that I don’t discuss at dinner parties…I am an ass-lover, too.
(And cue collective GASP! from all you die-hard boob lovers out there. LOL I am, after all, not only the the editor of V-mag but the editor of BootyLicious mag, too!)
When a lady stands sideways like that, not only do you get to see the wonderful slope of her tit and the wonderful curve underneath it, but you also get a peek at her backside. And who doesn’t love that? Seeing her ripe rump and her glorious ta-tas takes me to a place in my mind where I imagine her in doggie-style. Maybe someone is spanking her ass and cupping her boobs at the same time. Maybe whispering dirty, sweet nothings into her ear.
Oh, yeah.
And that, my friends, is hot. Period. You can’t compete with the wonderful images that the side boob shot inspires.
(And for the record, Yurizan, in all her amazing and possibly EPIC sexiness, was the PERFECT model for this blog posting. But then again, she is one of my faves, so I am a little biased!) 😛
Today I want to talk about what I like to refer to as The Great Whipped Cream Debate of 2009.
Is Cynthia's whipped cream use acceptable or too messy for your taste?
(Okay, it’s not that GREAT of a debate, but the title sounds fancy so I went with it.) 😉
You see, round these parts, I find myself enmeshed in these conversations with other editors, art directors and staff, and one of those convos was about the whole food and tits situation.
(Yes, these are ACTUAL debates that happen when your whole day revolves around hooters. Seriously.)
Some people were all for food and jugs making lovely music together.(Like when Annina coated her tits in the Holiday ’08 issue of SCORE.)
And others saw pics of Cynthia Romero‘s foodie boobs from the Jan. ’06 issue of SCORE and raged against it with a fervor usually reserved for our Piercings and Tattoos Debates. (Yes, we have those, too. lol)
“It’s messy and nasty!” said some.
“It’s fucking hot to see a pair of tits covered in sticky, sweet goodness!” said others.
And so the debate raged on and on, and when it was all said and done, it boiled down to one thing and one thing only.
Whipped cream.
You see, whipped cream is that treat that sits right on the fence that separates the foodies from the non-foodies here in our office.
Sam is a whipped cream kinda gal.
All of the staffers who were adamantly against food-on-jugs action said that whipped cream was the exception.
It's a party, and you, Karina and her can of whipped cream are invited.
While looking at a set of Karina Hart playing with whipped cream, the anti-foodies said, “It’s acceptable. Not too much of it, but a little whipped cream is okay.”
And when checking out Sam Spring‘s June ’07 V-mag layout, the food-on-dugs lovers said that whipped cream was a staple for tit play.
“It’s a must. It’s perfect. You can precisely cover a pair of nipples with just a few squirts of that can of creamy goodness,” said the pro-foodies.
So, after hearing everyone in the office chime in on their edible/non-edible tata preferences, I decided that the only way to settle this debate was to come to you, the boob-loving masses, and let you guys hash it out and decide.
So what say you, big-tit lovers? Is food on boobflesh A-okay, or is it a titty taboo?
Is whipped cream the universal peacemaker for this debate?
And moreover, after all this talk of food and tits and creamy, yummy stuff, are you as hungry as I am?
Dear Stacked Asian Hotties, Thank you for your exotic looks and lovely curves. Your enticing bodies remind me of faraway, foreign lands full of mystery and adventure. You’re rare gems, and I’d like to take the time to salute your awesomeness. Your striking looks and bounteous racks are things of beauty! Bloom on into busty greatness, all of you luscious Lotus flowers. Me love you, long time. xoxo Maria
Mimi: One of my fave Asian titters.
With her long black hair and tight body, Lena Li is my anime fantasy cum true.
I would stand under Jade Feng's umbrella.
Kianna Dior: One of my first interviews at SCORE and the sexiest Asian gal around.
Good day, boob lovers!
I have a quick, little story about what I like to call, Seeing Boobs on the Sneak. (Maybe some of you call it being a peeping Tom. Or, if we need to be fancy, Voyeurism. I call it Seeing Boobs on the Sneak because it just feels right.)
But on with the story…
My neighbor, Cougarella, looks like Amber.
So there is this lady who lives next door to me…let’s call her Cougarella. She is in her 40s and in decent shape. She has these huge bazoombas. She’s augmented. She has an Amber Bach-type of body. She isn’t too hard too look at, that’s for sure. I bump into her in the mornings when I am getting my paper or when I am on my way out the door to come to SCORE. She is always outside on the front lawn watering her flowers and she is ALWAYS wearing something SCANDALOUS. I’m talking about teeny-tiny shirts and shorts or little, cotton dresses that show off the goods like a display case. It’s kind of Mrs. Robinson-ish, if you ask me. She flirts with everyone and everything in the neighborhood, and we all sorta flirt back. Dave would probably call her a Divorcee On The Prowl in 40Something magazine, for sure. She is, for the most part, the neighborhood MILF and probably the most-discussed lady on the block. The women hate her. (Not me, since I am neither married, nor have children, so she poses no threat to my existence.) The men LOVE her. And the teenagers find excuses to congregate near the end of her driveway to sneak a peek at her, um, peaks. lol
So, the other day I was BBQing in my backyard. I want to put that out there right away…I WAS IN MY BACKYARD, and I happened to be staring at my fence while I flipped some steaks. That’s when I saw her. Cougarella. Right through the slats in the fence posts. Naked as the day she was born. In a gardener’s hat, gloves and those hideous Croc shoes that should be banned. But the rest of her was naked. NAKED! I kinda went, WTF?! But I couldn’t look away. WHO COULD LOOK AWAY? She was humming and trimming some shrubbery and every time she moved, her tits would sway. It was a sight to behold.
I accidentally caught Cougarella getting dressed the other day, too.
Unlike my usual stare-like-a-pervert antics, I managed to tear my eyes away from Cougarella’s display and remind myself to plant trees, tall ones, along my fence. But her display didn’t end there. You see, my bathroom window faces her house, and a few days later when I was in the shower, as I lathered up my hair, I happened to look out the window, and lo and behold! There she was again! This time, she was in her bedroom and her windows were wide open and she was changing. She didn’t have a bra on. She was trying on tops. And her tits were in my line of vision again! Hard nipples. In my eyeballs! So, yeah, I stared a little. How could I not? I mean, that same window she was standing in is visible from the street, too. Surely, I was not the only one checking out this naked woman…was I?
So, I made it my mission to start asking around about Cougarella’s nudity. First person was my neighbor across the street, a retired police officer. We will call him Officer Krupke. When I asked, Officer Krupke laughed and told me that she would put on the topless window show every day at 3 p.m. without fail. “Weekends, too!” he said, smiling. “I always mow my lawn at 3 p.m. on Saturdays so I can get a good look. She’s a looker, that one.” A wise man, that Officer Krupke.
Do your neighbors get naked with the windows and blinds open?
Then I asked my other next-door neighbor, Mrs. Rodriguez, a housewife and a general Cougarella-hater. Her report confirmed that Cougarella had been putting on the tit-show for over a year now. Except when she told me, it wasn’t as happy-go-lucky as Officer Krupke’s report. “That fucking slut! I want to claw her fucking eyes out. I’ve caught my husband looking at her. She has no shame! You should say something to her about that. She is your neighbor, you know.”
Her request that I say something got me thinking. Should I say something? I mean, she was naked and I could see her. Shouldn’t I give her the heads up? But then I started thinking…what if Cougarella wanted us to look? What if this MILF got her kicks being an exhibitionist? Who was I to ruin her good time and, apparently, the good time of all the penis’ed folk in my neighborhood?
I mean, voyeurism…sometimes it happens, right?
Which brings us to the point of this blog. What would Scorelanders do? Would you say something? Would you continue to peep? There is a part of me that feels pervy for looking, but then there is a part of me that enjoys her blatant nudity.
(And there’s a part of me that wants to ask her to pose for SCORE, too. lol)
Chime in, big-tit lovers. I love when you voice your opinions.
My mind is a cavernous place full of strange details and memories that revolve around tits. (If I didn’t work where I work, I might be considered a tad bit on the side of creepy, ya’ll. Just a tiny bit strange, even. lol) Sometimes I can be typing up copy for the newest issue of V-Mag and my thoughts will drift, and all of a sudden I am thinking about Denise Davies’ areolae and pondering how many inches they measure across. (4 1/2 inches all the way across, 2 1/4 inches from the nipple to the edge.) (Fuck! I’m a weirdo. lol)
Little things will trigger my boob musings, and then my mind is a’wandering and I am sort of in and out of very elaborate tit scenarios. Sometimes they involve hot chicks doing weird things. (Like when I imagine Ashley Sage and Renee Ross in an epic battle royale where they charge at each other, topless, wearing viking hats and popping bags of potato chips by crashing into one another with the chips strapped to their cleavage. CRASH! POP! PoTITo Chips! Hahahaha!) Or sometimes I think about chicks at a pool party. I know this sounds harmless, but not really. I’ll imagine Janet Jade by a Slip ‘N’ Slide that’s coated in sundae toppings. She’s naked and running and then PLOP! And SLIDE! And Kapow…Titssert! And then maybe Christy Marks comes running behind her and PLOP! Followed by Dallas Dixon. PLOP! And so on and so forth until I’ve piled up like 20 models in a heap of sweet toppings and nudity and stickiness. A stack of stacked ladies sundae. In my imagination. Yeah. Um, my mind is a fucked up place, honestly. lol
Today, I came into the office and sat down at my computer to look over some sets, and I came across this odd photo and my mind went racing to all sorts of bizarro places. I figured that I should share it with you guys because maybe you would appreciate it…
Okay, I’m lying.
I’m telling you guys because I am attempting to add a small iota of normalcy to my mind’s inner workings. Maybe you guys have these strange, elaborate thoughts, too? Or maybe not and by now you think I’m crazy. Either, or. lol
Anywho, take a look at this:
HOW BIZARRE IS THIS?!?
So, I see this shot and I literally have a WHAT THE FUCK MOMENT, or a WTF!, if you will. And then I’m thinking about the movie Flashdance. And then I’m thinking about Jennifer Beals. And I’m like, “Did Jennifer Beals have big tits. Hmmm?” And then it’s her in that leotard, flipping and dancing to that epic song, What A Feeling by Irene Cara. And I’m like, “No, she didn’t have big tits. Did Irene Cara have big tits…?” And then WOOSH! I am thinking about that scene in Back To The Future where Michael J. Fox, aka Marty McFly, dresses up and goes to see the younger version of his dad, George McFly, and he puts those Walkman earphones on him and wakes him up by blasting Van Halen and he says, “Silence Earthling! My name is Darth Vader. I am an extraterrestrial from the planet Vulcan!” I was like…”How much better would that whole scene have been with this chick in it?”
Karina Hart. Welder. lol
Sigh.
I’m fucking weird. lol
But look at that shot! Isn’t it a little strange? Strangely provocative? A topless chick in a welder’s mask? It’s just too, um, good, too strange not to start my mind drifting.
Oh, and that’s Karina Hart, by the way.
Sigh. She’s fucking HOT, eh?
She could weld whatever she wanted and I would watch. Even if it meant the flame from her welding gun (Is it called a gun?) would fry my retinas. (Maybe not. Maybe I could wear protective goggles…do they make protective goggles in hot pink?)
See what I mean?
My mind. A tit carnival is always going on up there.
lol
Thanks for letting me rant and rave and ponder in front of you all.
(But seriously…the welder’s mask shot is kind of cool in a Sci-Fi’ish way, isn’t it?)
