“This was a very cute scene,” said Sheridan Love about her XXX SCORE shoot “Housewife With Hooters.”
“It makes me think ‘pin-up.’ I like playing the sweet but naughty housewife. A hard-working man should have a hot wife in naughty lingerie waiting for him at home. In the middle of shooting stills, I was riding Tarzan cowgirl when all the lights went out. Around the corner comes the studio staff with candle-lit doughnuts, singing happy birthday to me while I’m still on his cock. It was both funny and weird.”
This is kind of a follow-up to Sheridan’s “Tonight’s Bride” scene. The wedding night first, now the domestic bliss of coming home to find a busty wife at home with a cocktail in hand for hub while she waits for cock.
Every tit-man should have a Sheridan Love at home.
You’re not going on a date when you enter a strip club and look for a lap dance, but you’re still going to be associating with women. Just because you have what they want (money) doesn’t mean you can be a disgusting pig. So, before you leave for the club:
1. Take a shower or make sure you smell good. You want these girls getting as close to you as possible, and they’re not going to want to if you smell like a garbage dump.
2. Think twice before putting on cologne. What if she doesn’t like what you’re wearing? What if it reminds her of her ex-deadbeat boyfriend (as opposed to her current deadbeat boyfriend)? Remember, you’re not trying to build a long-lasting relationship with her. You’re trying to get her to grind your cock in a way that’ll get you off.
3. Don’t wear rough pants. If you wear denim jeans, make sure they’re soft and pre-washed. Soft khakis are good. Sweatpants are fine, too, if the club allows them. Loose and soft is the way to go. If you have the balls, wear baggy shorts with no underwear. When you get to the club, take your keys and bulky items out of your front pockets.
4. If you haven’t shaved for a few days, shave. If you scrape a dancer’s boobs with your metrosexual stubble, her experience will be less than pleasant, and that will affect your experience. This rule does not apply if you have a full, soft beard.
Then, when you get to the club:
1. Don’t get drunk off your ass. First, you want to exercise some money management. One time, a friend and I went to a ballgame in Montreal. He drank a beer an inning. Then we went to one of Montreal’s notorious strip joints, at which he promptly fell in love with a dancer, convinced himself that she liked him and proceeded to empty his pockets. Of course, when he ran out of money, her love affair with him was over. A drunk guy in a strip club is what’s known as a mark. Nobody wants to be a mark.
2. Don’t be loud and obnoxious. Very few dancers like loud, obnoxious guys (they remind them of their boyfriends).
3. Tip the dancers on stage, even if you’re not sitting at the stage. You’ll score points with all the dancers, who’ll be more eager to score with you.
4. Don’t tip for a single lap dance. If you do, you will lock yourself in with that dancer. If you buy three or four dances from a girl, then you can throw in a tip after the final dance. Make her work for her money.
5. If you can swing it, tip the bouncer when you walk in. He’ll appreciate it and leave you alone (unless you’re violating the “Rules of the Room”).
6. If you intend to shoot a load during the dance, go to the men’s room while you’re hard or semi-hard and put on a condom. Otherwise, you’ll stain your shorts and pants and make a mess.
7. Dancers know they have hot bodies or they wouldn’t have been hired by the club, but they still need verbal reinforcement. Compliment her on her hair and body while she’s lapping you (without sounding like a porno perv).
8. Between dances with the same girl, take a break for a chat (the length of one song) and offer to give her a foot massage. Dancers love foot massages (they’re standing on high heels for eight hours at a time), and when she starts her next dance, she’ll probably be more generous with her body.
9. Be nice to her. Use your hands to make love to her body. Just because she’s a stripper doesn’t mean she doesn’t like to feel good. When she’s sitting on your lap with her back to you, breathe lightly on the nape of her neck or into her ear. These are powerful erogenous zones for a woman, and even the toughest dancer will find herself getting turned on.
10. Keep the grinding rhythmic and strong when she is sitting on your lap. Match her motion, as if you’re dancing with her.
There are a few more touchy subjects we should deal with, too.
V.I.P. Rooms: Once she’s sitting on your lap, there’s a good chance she’ll try to lure you into the V.I.P. room. V.I.P. rooms tend to be very pricey, and what you’ll receive in the room varies from club to club and state to state (in some cases, you’ll get nothing more than a more-private experience and a bottle of overpriced champagne; in other cases, and for considerably more money, you’ll get a hand job, maybe a blow job, maybe full service). If you don’t want to go into the V.I.P. room, just say to her, nicely, “No thanks. I’m fine out here.” If she keeps pushing you, she’s a money-hungry whore and it might be time for you to cum and run. Or just run.
The Lap Dance Room Blow Job: Yes, there are clubs (I’ve been in them) where blow jobs or hand jobs, sometimes even full, sit-on-your-cock sex, are offered in the Lap Dance Room. I’ve been in clubs in which the girl pulled my cock out and went down to suck without even asking. Now, this might be tough to do in this situation, but it’s important: Insist on a condom. Because your cock won’t be the first cock she’s sucked in the Lap Dance Room. And it won’t be the last. Can you be positive that the last unsheathed cock she sucked was disease-free? No, you can’t!
If you’ve ever had a busty blonde hairstylist with her hooters proudly thrust in your face, and an ass to match, you’ve probably daydreamed about scoring with her.
A haircut with Holly Wood is a wood-raising experience, as Tony finds out after checking out Holly from head to toe.
I asked Holly a few questions after the happy, messy ending to this scene. One of her sexiest features is her voice, and she’s got very good oral skills (as in fuck-me talk and cock sucking) that you’ll hear in the video.
SCORELAND: Do you watch porn? What kind? Do you have any favorite male or female porn stars?
Holly: I’m such a perv. The bigger the cock the more turned on I am in porn! I actually have a list of my favorite performers! It would take me all night to run through it!
SCORELAND: Have you watched your SCORE videos or looked at your photos with a guy?
Holly: Most people are shocked when they realize I’m a porn star. You can see the excitement grow as their eyes light up!
Holly's customer is hoping for a bang-up job as well as a blow dry.
Our photographer noted that a pregnant Casey is all belly and boobs while her arms and legs stayed slim. Casey called her baby bump her “horny baby factory.”
Casey plans to keep modeling now that she’s a new mommy.
Some of Casey’s fans send her videos and photos of themselves jacking on her photos. Casey says she likes it, calls it her “cum tribute” and collects them. Now that’s fan loyalty above and beyond the usual.
This is a man who knows how to do his homework. The girl he's studying is Alyssa Lynn.
We’ve all had them: lousy fucking lap dances. Lap dances that turn your cock into soft tissue. The chick grinds too hard (ouch!) or not at all (blue balls!). She pushes your hand away when you try to touch her tits or grab her ass. She’s completely disinterested in you. She’s just working, and you’re just another sucker. You’re halfway through the first dance, and you can’t wait for the song to end so you can get her off your lap.
Of course, we’ve all had great lap dances, too. Dances you didn’t want to end. Dancers who were so good, you tried as hard as possible to keep from popping in your pants so the dance could last longer. Lap dances that were better than sex.
Nobody wants a bad lap dance. We all want to have a good time and get off. But how can we be certain that the next time we tuck our hard-earned cash into a dancer’s garter, heaven awaits?
Fortunately, there are ways to assure the perfect lap dance. We know. The two writers of this story have been getting lap dances for a combined 60 years, and we want to share our knowledge. It’s “The Uncensored Guide to Lap Dancing.” No bullshit. We’ve divided this special report into three sections: “Do Your Homework” “Rules of the Room” and “Lap Dance Etiquette.”
Ignore one or more of these sections at your own peril. Read ’em all, digest ’em and you’re on your way to lap dance nirvana.
DO YOUR HOMEWORK!
Or, don’t lap the first dancer you see
Your quest for the perfect lap dance begins before you walk into the club. That’s because your quest for the perfect lap dance begins or ends with what club you pick for your evening’s entertainment.
Looking for a great lap dance? Do not go to clubs with lots of customers and fast-paced action. You want to go to a club where the girls have few choices in men and want to make money. These are the girls who will work for your cash. So, that new club down the street, the one with the fancy, neon signs, doormen and valet parkers out front? Stay away. The neighborhood club down the street? That’s where you want to be. New in town or not sure? You might want to check out The Ultimate Strip Club List (tuscl.com).
If possible, avoid walking into a club during the busiest hours of the day, like Friday and Saturday nights and after work gets out at five p.m. Walk into a strip bar three o’clock on a weekday afternoon and you’ll have dancers circling you like sharks.
But don’t let them take a bite out of you. Not yet! Because by the time your dancer of choice plops down into your lap and starts grinding her hips, it’s too late. Your lap dance fate has been sealed…even if you don’t know it yet.
Why? Well, face it. The only thing you know about her is what she looks like, and that’s not enough. You have no idea whether she’s a good lap dancer or a total dud. You have no idea whether you’re going to get bang for your buck or just a limp dick. You haven’t done your homework, and in lap dancing, as in any other worthwhile endeavor in life, you have to do your homework. Fortunately, this is one of the rare areas of life in which doing homework is fun.
So, you walk into the club, and you’ve barely reached the bar when a drop-dead gorgeous chick with huge tits, wearing just a tiny bra-and-G-string getup, walks up to you and asks you if you’d like a dance. Or she asks you if you’d like some company. Or you’re already sitting and she points to the empty stool next to you and says, “Mind if I sit here?”
Now, listen, both you and I know that it would be rude for you to say, “Yes. I do mind if you sit there.” The fact is, she can sit wherever the hell she wants. But what she means is, “Mind if I sit here so you can buy me a ridiculously overpriced drink”–drinks for the dancers almost always cost a lot more than drinks for the patrons–”and talk you into a lap dance?” That’s what she really means.
Because remember the first rule of lap dancers: They don’t give a shit about your problems or your personal life. They have no interest in sitting there and talking to you unless they think you’re a good investment.
This is followed by rule No. 2, which reads, “Dancers are very good at acting like they do give a shit about your problems and your personal life.” It’s what strippers are best at. It’s what they do for a living.
I’m not trying to burst your bubble or anything like that. I’m just trying to give you the facts. I’m trying to save you heartache, heartbreak and money.
So, the correct answer to “Mind if I sit here?” is, “I just got here so I’m just going to hang out and check it out for a while.” She’ll interpret that as, “Yes, I do mind if you sit here,” but she’ll appreciate that you said it in a polite way. She’ll also say something like, “Okay. I’ll come back and check on you later.”
Now, some of you might be thinking, “Asshole, what did you do? You sent away a gorgeous chick with big tits!”
Relax! Sit down at the bar. You can hook up with the gorgeous chick with big tits later, after you’ve done your homework.
She’s a super fox. Dolly Fox (January 2016 SCORE) is a reader’s wife who was inspired to try modeling herself. She was an immediate hit with SCORE guys.
It was Dolly’s dream to be on the cover of SCORE, and she got it.
“I’m a longtime fan of the SCORE Girls,” Dolly says. “I like all big-bust models. Minka, Amy Anderssen, Kayla Kleevage and Lisa Lipps are just a few of the girls I have been inspired by. I would love to meet many of them.”
J.H. writes “Scorecard,” “I have been a SCORE fan for many years, since the L.A. Bust days. Dolly Fox reminds me of past SCORE Girls like Morgan Leigh, Danielle Derek, Puma, Alexia Moore and, more recently, Sandra Star, Katie Thornton and Tigerr Benson. Exactly the kind of bodies that I jack to.”
You see a brunette in a low-cut pink top and tight skirt teetering around in high heels. She looks nervous and lost and holds a map in her hand. What would you do?
If you’re Steve, you offer her your coat and offer to fix a nice cuppa tea at your place. As we all know, tea is an aphrodisiac to an English girl.
Like Czech babe Krystal Swift, Harmony Reigns is not big on foreplay and neck kissing. She’d rather cut to the chase and give head, have her pussy eaten and ride the skin bus to cumsville. Harmony is from London, but the way she deep throats a guy, I thought she was from the town of Cockermouth in Cumbria.
“If you classify porn as a sport, then I’m a sports fanatic,” Harmony says. “I just want to get straight to it.” And that’s what she and Steve do in Harmony’s second ultra-horny XXX scene at SCORELAND.