Categories for The Life of an Editor

Women fuck power. Men fuck pussy.

December 27, 2009 by Dave
Maybe Tiger wouldn't have strayed if his caddy looked like Bobbi. Then again, maybe he would've fucked his caddy.

Maybe Tiger wouldn't have strayed if his caddy looked like Bobbi. Then again, maybe he would've fucked his caddy.

Elliot and I were sitting around at lunch talking about Tiger Woods and how women are attracted to men with power, fame and intelligence while men couldn’t give a shit about any of those things. All they want is tits, ass and pussy. Obviously in Tiger’s case, even face isn’t so important because several of the women he fucked–oh, sorry, allegedly fucked–are baggers compared to his wife. One of them, this blonde skank who keeps appearing all over TV, had me thinking, “He risked his marriage to fuck that?”

Kiki Carter lines up a putty while we line up her ass.

Would Tiger Woods finally fuck a black woman if Kiki Carter was lining up a putt on the 18th green?

But for Tiger, it was all about getting laid. I’m guessing that blonde skank sucked his cock down to the knob until she gagged, was into facials (because Tiger couldn’t risk cumming in her pussy) and let him fuck her ass. You know, all the things that either 1.) His wife wouldn’t let him do because those are girlfriend things, not wife things; or 2.) Tiger didn’t want to do because she’s the mother of his children. No. 2 is Elliot’s take on the matter.

But I’m getting away from the point. There are female politicians (including some very high-profile ones) all over Washington who I wouldn’t fuck with your dick, and their power and fame do nothing to make them more attractive to me. But the male version of these women–and they’re all over D.C., too–gets all the pussy he wants. Why? Because women are attracted to power and intelligence. I mean, really, Salman Rushdie, the author, married supermodel Padma Lakshmi, the host of TV’s Top Chef, in what must be the biggest looks mismatch ever (although Maria thinks that honor goes to Anna-Nicole Smith and The Crypt Keeper).

Now, I’m not saying Tiger is a bad-looking guy, but let’s face it: If he wasn’t the best golfer in the world, he wouldn’t be bagging super-models and 14 party-ho skanks. I mean, I don’t see any guys lining up to fuck Lorena Ochoa.

Who’s Lorena Ochoa, right?

Have yourself a very Brady Xmas!

December 25, 2009 by Elliot James

Cherry Brady’s birthday is today, as SCORELANDER Dino pointed out. But I had a reason for not adding Cherry to the week’s birthday BLOG. To celebrate this momentous occasion, when Mr. and Mrs. Brady gave the world a rare gift, let’s gather ’round the Yule log so I can tell a very Brady Xmas story.

It's the most wonderful time of the year.

It’s the most wonderful time of the year.

It was Thursday, September 2, 2004, and we were shooting B.L.O.W. (Busty Ladies of Oil Wrestling) in the SCORE Studio. You’ve seen B.L.O.W., right? In fact, you should own the DVD on sale in the eBoobStore if you want to get on my good side. For those of you who don’t own it or have never seen B.L.O.W. on SCORELAND, Cherry, Annie Swanson, Angela White and Brandy Talore were the oil wrestlers, and they destroyed any female wrestlers before or since then. Dave was the ringside color man, and I was the ref. (Which I found out a few hours before the match.) It was the greatest wrasslin’ show I ever witnessed, let alone participated in, in my life. Cherry, Angela, Annie and Brandy oiled and rolling around on a mat? Hooter heaven, friends. But what you may not know was that we had an uninvited guest fast approaching from the Atlantic Ocean. A big, fat, Category 4 massive monster of a guest who didn’t fuck around. Hurricane Frances. Set to nail America right in the groin: the cock-shaped state of Florida. And fear was starting to set in.

Not only did we have to shoot B.L.O.W., a major project, but we had to batten down the SCORE building and everything in our office. And get the SCORE websites ready and up before the weekend arrived. And get some of the print mags off to the printers. And get the girls safely home before the hurricane nailed Florida. Home for Angela meant Australia! Controlled chaos? High anxiety? The understatement of our careers. But we did it! Angela’s jet left for Sydney and so did Brandy’s, right before Miami International Airport shut down. Florida local Annie drove safely home in time. And Cherry? She weathered the storm here, hunkered down in her hotel near the SCORE building. On September 4, 2004, Frances the bitch battered the east coast of Florida, downgraded to a Category 2, a still very powerful and dangerous hurricane. But not powerful enough to beat the Busty Ladies of Oil Wrestling. And that, kiddos, is my very Brady Xmas story.

Happy Birthday, Cherry, and Merry Titmas, Cherry, Brandy, Angela and Annie.

What girls really mean when they say, “I want your cum!”

December 22, 2009 by Dave
Carmen Hayes really does want your cum.

Carmen Hayes really does want your cum.

So I’m reviewing a 40Something video yesterday, and this 42-year-old MILF named Chloe (no, not that Chloe, SCORE Men) is upside down getting her ass piledriven, and she’s moaning, “Oh, I want your cum! Give me your cum! I want your sticky cum all over my body!” and that’s when it hit me: When a chick says, “I want your cum,” she’s not really saying, “I want your cum.” She’s saying, “I’m done. Cum already.”

Of course, in the video I was watching, the MILF was trying to be dirty and nasty. She was being porny. But in real life, if you’re fucking a chick, and it’s been going on for a while, and she has already cum once or a few times, when she moans in your ear, so sweetly, “Oh, honey, I want your cum,” she’s really saying, “Would you please cum already? I’m finished. It’s time to move on to the next activity.” Probably cuddling. She’s not been a cum slut. She’s being polite.

For some reason, this reminds me of Helen Thomas, the former White House correspondent for United Press International. As the senior correspondent, she had the duty of ending Presidential press conferences by standing up and saying, “Thank you, Mr. President.” And that meant the press conference was over. Of course, Thomas wasn’t really thanking the President. That was her nice way of saying, “This is going on too long. The questions are getting stupid. You’re not answering them, anyway. Let’s end this.”

I asked some of the women in the office about this “I want your cum” thing and they all laughed, then agreed. All except Maria, who disagreed. I have no comment about that.

Retro Pinups: Chesty and Classy.

December 20, 2009 by Maria
Bunny's ruffled undies are classic pinup style.

Bunny's ruffled undies are classic pinup style.

There is something about a curvy chick in full-on pinup attire that does something for me. Maybe it’s that as a child, I watched a lot of old movies on public television (We didn’t have cable until the ’90s at my house), and that included lots of old movies with Jayne Mansfield, Jane Russell and Marilyn Monroe. I became obsessed with women in cute, little outfits that showed lots of leg and ample bosom. They didn’t appear slutty to me, but rather, they were curvaceous, classy women who seemed to always be

London looks like a curvaceous calendar girl in this outfit.

London looks like a curvaceous calendar girl in this outfit.

Daphne may not be showing a lot of skin, but there is no denying her curves in this retro outfit.

Daphne may not be showing a lot of skin, but there is no denying her curves in this retro outfit.

having the time of their lives and could walk into a room and instantaneouly hold the attention of everyone there.They oozed this confident, semi-cheeky sensuality that I thought was the greatest thing since sliced bread.

In fact, I remember finding a box of slides once in my grandfather’s study, and it was full of half-naked pinups. And although I was old enough to know that these were “dirty pictures,” I was fascinated by these sexy women. I thought that they were amazing in their lingerie and garters. It made such an impression on me that I would, in my adult years, go on to dress this way for fancy events. To me, pinup style is the epitome of hot. I think it’s, well, the cat’s meow. 😉

This shot moved me so much that it landed Hillary the cover of the Dec. '09 issue of V-mag.

This shot moved me so much that it landed Hillary the cover of the Dec. '09 issue of V-mag.

Maybe this is why when I do photo edits here at SCORELAND, the pics that I love most are the ones that channel that old Hollywood style I have come to equate with smoldering sexuality. In fact, when doing the photo edits for Voluptuous‘ December 2009 issue, I came across this shot of Hillary Hooterz, who just so happened to be debuting in said issue. When my art director Vanessa and I took a closer look, we both knew that this was THE shot, and we put it on the cover.

Just take a look at Hillary’s beautiful face and heaving cleavage spilling out of that blouse and showing just a peek of her polka-dotted bra. This shot, at least to me, teases and tantalizes and is probably hotter than if she had just posed topless. There is something about a woman who can show her curves and do it in such a way that even though she is fully clothed, you get just as horny as if she were naked. That’s the allure of pinup style, and whenever I see a girl dressed this way (Even when they are dressed in more of a Rockabilly style, which is, like, pinups with lots of tattoos), I am instantly drawn to her.

Just thought I’d share, considering that I confess most of my rack ruminations on here. Are you guys into pinups as much as I am?

xoxo, Maria

One of my favorite clips of all time…

December 13, 2009 by Maria

I love looking through videos on SCORELAND because every now and then, I find something that makes me reminisce. I found this clip earlier today, and I had to share it with you.

But before I show you this clip, I want to give you a little background as to how it came to be. Our story takes place in a little castle in the countryside of Hungary. (Man, I just realized that I have a lot tit tales to tell you guys. While typing this, I had to stop and jot down a few reminders so I wouldn’t forget some crazy stories for future posts!)

Karina Hart is spectacular. She is perfect.

Karina Hart is spectacular. She is perfect.

Okay, so it is no secret that I am a Karina Hart fan. (I mean, who could NOT be a Karina Hart fan? She is smokin’ hot. And check out her pics in this polka dot getup from SCORE Holiday ’08. YOWZA. ) Well, she was one of the first models that I met on the “Hungary for Hooters” trip last year, and here’s a fun fact; She and I shared the same bottle of shampoo the whole trip. (Which is not hot at all. But have any of you ever shared shampoo with Karina Hart? Nope. So let me have my moment. lol) We also chit-chatted about music (She is a big fan of rap, especially Tupac) and made jokes. She is a charming woman. And she is just as hot in person. No doubt about it.

And then there is Mandy Pearl. I also met her in Hungary, and let

Mandy Pearl is THE girl-next-door. A stacked sweetie.

Mandy Pearl is THE girl-next-door. A stacked sweetie.

me just say that her adorable British accent killed me! Sigh. I mean, I was a goner from the moment she said, “Oh, hello. I’m Mandy.” That was it. I was all googly-eyed and little cartoon hearts must have been floating around above my head. And it didn’t hurt that when I met her, she was wearing this lingerie outfit. Not only is she just fucking adorable, but she is one of the NICEST girls you will ever meet. She’s down to Earth, funny, and she made it a point to have dinner with the crew each night, even after 16-hour production days. She listened to music with all of us after dinner and sang and danced with the crew. Just thinking about her makes me want to break into song

Oh, Mandy! Well you came and you gave without taking…

(Yeah, Mandy Pearl makes you sing Barry Manilow. It happens.)

Okay, so back to the tale of the video clip…

I’m in Hungary with Karina Hart and Mandy Pearl, and we are sitting around a table right after breakfast. Someone had just come back from the store and brought back some essentials. You know…coffee, sugar, soap, batteries, snacks, drinks and water balloons. What? Water balloons are essential, people! lol

So, I see these balloons and I look at the girls and I say, “Let’s go play with these!” But they couldn’t because they were set to do a tennis shoot in a few minutes.

Well, I was disappointed for about three seconds, and then I said, “Aren’t you going to be hot after that?” And I smiled.

They laughed, and that was all I needed to grab an empty garbage nearby and head off to fill water balloons. I arrived on the tennis court a half- hour later lugging a garbage full of balloons, and the rest, as they say, is Big Tit History.

They nailed each other with balloons and laughed and frolicked. It was glorious. It reminded me of when you fantasize about a bunch of girls at a slumber party. You know what I’m talking about. All of them looking hot and bodacious and, like, fooling around. And then they start pillow fighting. And then they are playfully wrestling, and oops! All of sudden, clothes start coming off, and then it’s a big lezzie orgy…

You know you’ve had that fantasy.

lol

So, yes, what I am trying to say is that Karina and Mandy, two hot, curvy babes with accents (Oh, yeah. Accents! SO HOT!) basically got frisky, giggled, played, got wet and then took their tops off and rubbed titties all in my presence. AND IT WAS ALL MY IDEA.

No wonder this is one of my favorite clips of all time. You guys can check out the entire scene on SCORELAND by clicking HERE. At the very least, check out the highlights below. I’m telling you guys, sometimes, just sometimes, you’re in the right place at the right time.

Enjoy!

xoxo

Maria

Boobs: The Profile Shot

December 10, 2009 by Maria
I love to see a woman's tits from the side…thank you, Yurizan!

I love to see a woman's tits from the side…thank you, Yurizan!

I love to blog about tits and why I love them, why they rule and all the good stuff in between.

And part of that involves one of my favorite things of all time…

The profile shot of a great pair of bazoombas.

I don’t know what it is about that titty side-view that makes me happy, but it does.

(Check out Yurizan‘s profile shot from the Holiday ’08 issue of SCORE. Isn’t it glorious? Doesn’t it just bring a smile of pure joy to your face?)

Maybe it’s because deep down inside, in places that I don’t discuss at dinner parties…I am an ass-lover, too.

(And cue collective GASP! from all you die-hard boob lovers out there. LOL I am, after all, not only the the editor of V-mag but the editor of BootyLicious mag, too!)

When a lady stands sideways like that, not only do you get to see the wonderful slope of her tit and the wonderful curve underneath it, but you also get a peek at her backside. And who doesn’t love that? Seeing her ripe rump and her glorious ta-tas takes me to a place in my mind where I imagine her in doggie-style. Maybe someone is spanking her ass and cupping her boobs at the same time. Maybe whispering dirty, sweet nothings into her ear.

Oh, yeah.

And that, my friends, is hot. Period. You can’t compete with the wonderful images that the side boob shot inspires.

(And for the record, Yurizan, in all her amazing and possibly EPIC sexiness, was the PERFECT model for this blog posting. But then again, she is one of my faves, so I am a little biased!) 😛

lol

xoxox

Maria

The Whipped Cream Debate

December 9, 2009 by Maria
Anninna decorates her dugs wih a can o' the whip.

Annina decorates her dugs wih a can o' the whip.

Today I want to talk about what I like to refer to as The Great Whipped Cream Debate of 2009.

Is Cynthia's whipped cream use acceptable or too messy for your taste?

Is Cynthia's whipped cream use acceptable or too messy for your taste?

(Okay, it’s not that GREAT of a debate, but the title sounds fancy so I went with it.) 😉

You see, round these parts, I find myself enmeshed in these conversations with other editors, art directors and staff, and one of those convos was about the whole food and tits situation.

(Yes, these are ACTUAL debates that happen when your whole day revolves around hooters. Seriously.)

Some people were all for food and jugs making lovely music together.(Like when Annina coated her tits in the Holiday ’08 issue of SCORE.)

And others saw pics of Cynthia Romero‘s foodie boobs from the Jan. ’06 issue of SCORE and raged against it with a fervor usually reserved for our Piercings and Tattoos Debates. (Yes, we have those, too. lol)

“It’s messy and nasty!” said some.

“It’s fucking hot to see a pair of tits covered in sticky, sweet goodness!” said others.

And so the debate raged on and on, and when it was all said and done, it boiled down to one thing and one thing only.

Whipped cream.

You see, whipped cream is that treat that sits right on the fence that separates the foodies from the non-foodies here in our office.

Sam is a whipped cream kinda gal.

Sam is a whipped cream kinda gal.

All of the staffers who were adamantly against food-on-jugs action said that whipped cream was the exception.

It's a party and you, Karina and her can of whipped cream are invited.

It's a party, and you, Karina and her can of whipped cream are invited.

While looking at a set of Karina Hart playing with whipped cream, the anti-foodies said, “It’s acceptable. Not too much of it, but a little whipped cream is okay.”

And when checking out Sam Spring‘s June ’07 V-mag layout, the food-on-dugs lovers said that whipped cream was a staple for tit play.

“It’s a must. It’s perfect. You can precisely cover a pair of nipples with just a few squirts of that can of creamy goodness,” said the pro-foodies.

So, after hearing everyone in the office chime in on their edible/non-edible tata preferences, I decided that the only way to settle this debate was to come to you, the boob-loving masses, and let you guys hash it out and decide.

So what say you, big-tit lovers? Is food on boobflesh A-okay, or is it a titty taboo?

Is whipped cream the universal peacemaker for this debate?

And moreover, after all this talk of food and tits and creamy, yummy stuff, are you as hungry as I am?

lol

Chime in, guys.

xoxo

Maria

Happy birthday, Alyssa Alps!

December 4, 2009 by Elliot James

We posted this past week’s gallery of SCORE birthday girls, but I wanted to pay separate tribute to Alyssa today. Alyssa wrote a column in SCORE called “On The Road” that began in the January ’98 SCORE and ended in the June ’03 issue. That’s an extraordinary run for any column, especially in men’s mags. I enjoyed reading the columns about Alyssa’s trips to clubs all over the USA and seeing her photos with strip-club fans and the SCORE readers who’d go to see her shows and have a drink with her. It was really cool.

If you have those older SCORE issues and read her columns, you know the feeling. Alyssa was very proactive. She was always promoting SCORE. We were always on her mind. She was buddies with a ton of SCORE Girl feature dancers–you name her, Alyssa knew her–so they often popped their buttons in one photo or another in many columns. I wish the column had been transferred to SCORELAND like Crystal Gunns’ column, but at this point it’s not feasible. She finally agreed to do the Boob Cruise in 2000 but only to write the ship’s log for the special Boob Cruise edition. She was firm on that. No titties. No pussy. Of course, Alyssa changed her mind towards the end of the trip and posed on the beach for Jana, one of the BC photographers.

This photo is beat-up and grainy because it’s a scan of a Polaroid taken on September 28, 2001. These days, everything is digital and doesn’t age and color-fade like chemical pics on paper do, so there is no sense of a passage of time. When Alyssa was in Florida to dance at the Treasure Island club (now PT’s) in Hialeah, Dave, E., and I went to see one of her lunchtime shows, which we, uh, really, uh, enjoyed. Someone snapped a shot of us, and I put it in my photo album. Alyssa also posed for a few pictorials for the magazine that week so she was in the building and even did a column about visiting the staff. It was published in March ’02. Of course, she was the covergirl. As timing would have it, that issue also featured the first formal SCORE pictorial of Crystal.

Alyssa Alps Treasure Island 9/28/01

Alyssa Alps Treasure Island 9/28/01

I could go on about Alyssa’s New York Xmas shows at Flashdancers  and being helped out by her at the Exotic Dancer Fan Fair shows she coordinated in Vegas every August, and how every year at this time, Alyssa used to ship the office a box of her homemade Xmas cookies. But I’m starting to get all depressed and morose and Alyssa wouldn’t like that!

Happy birthday weekend and Merry Xmas, Alyssa, from your friends at SCORE.

Let us give thanks…

November 26, 2009 by Maria
Faith's parents.

THIS TURKEY DAY, LET US GIVE THANKS FOR: Faith's parents.

Hanging out with friends.

THIS TURKEY DAY, LET US GIVE THANKS FOR: Hanging out with friends.

It’s Turkey Day…we’ve gobbled down the bird. We’ve watched football. We’ve seen the floats at the Macy’s Day Parade. We’ve helped ourselves to that second, possibly third, helping of pie. And now, we’re bloated and satisfied and pondering what we are thankful for.

Well, because I am so helpful, I am going to give you a list of things that I am thankful for and I’m a fan of show AND tell, so I’m going to give you a little picture show, too. Hope you guys are just as grateful for the bounty of bosoms below, as I am.
Happy Thanksgiving! xoxo, Maria

LET US GIVE THANKS FOR:

Flowers. (There's a flower in this pic, I promise.)

Flowers. (There's a flower in this pic, I promise.)

Yoga...of the naked persuassion..

Yoga...of the naked persuasion.

Fruit. Yum!

Fruit. Yum!

Tan lines.

Tan lines.

Any article of clothing made of Fishnet.

Any article of clothing made of Fishnet.

Alyssa Alps...every inch of her.

Alyssa Alps...every curvy, sexy, delicious inch of her.

Leopard print. Rawrrr!

Leopard print. Rawrrr!

Water. Splish-splash.

Water. Splish-splash.

Mountains and grass and stuff.

Mountains and grass and stuff.

Cheerleaders...with big jugs.

Cheerleaders...with big jugs.

Floatation devices.

Floatation devices.

Things that keep our heads warm.

Things that keep our heads warm.

Riding crops.

Riding crops.

The beach.

The beach.

Voyeurism: Sometimes it happens.

November 23, 2009 by Maria
Seeing boobs on the sneak happens. A lot.

Seeing boobs on the sneak happens. A lot.

Good day, boob lovers!
I have a quick, little story about what I like to call, Seeing Boobs on the Sneak. (Maybe some of you call it being a peeping Tom. Or, if we need to be fancy, Voyeurism. I call it Seeing Boobs on the Sneak because it just feels right.)
But on with the story…

My neighbor, Cougarella, looks like Amber Lynn.

My neighbor, Cougarella, looks like Amber.

So there is this lady who lives next door to me…let’s call her Cougarella. She is in her 40s and in decent shape. She has these huge bazoombas. She’s augmented. She has an Amber Bach-type of body. She isn’t too hard too look at, that’s for sure. I bump into her in the mornings when I am getting my paper or when I am on my way out the door to come to SCORE. She is always outside on the front lawn watering her flowers and she is ALWAYS wearing something SCANDALOUS. I’m talking about teeny-tiny shirts and shorts or little, cotton dresses that show off the goods like a display case. It’s kind of Mrs. Robinson-ish, if you ask me. She flirts with everyone and everything in the neighborhood, and we all sorta flirt back. Dave would probably call her a Divorcee On The Prowl in 40Something magazine, for sure. She is, for the most part, the neighborhood MILF and probably the most-discussed lady on the block. The women hate her. (Not me, since I am neither married, nor have children, so she poses no threat to my existence.) The men LOVE her. And the teenagers find excuses to congregate near the end of her driveway to sneak a peek at her, um, peaks. lol

So, the other day I was BBQing in my backyard. I want to put that out there right away…I WAS IN MY BACKYARD, and I happened to be staring at my fence while I flipped some steaks. That’s when I saw her. Cougarella. Right through the slats in the fence posts. Naked as the day she was born. In a gardener’s hat, gloves and those hideous Croc shoes that should be banned. But the rest of her was naked. NAKED! I kinda went, WTF?! But I couldn’t look away. WHO COULD LOOK AWAY? She was humming and trimming some shrubbery and every time she moved, her tits would sway. It was a sight to behold.

I accidentally caught Cougarella getting dressed the other day, too.

I accidentally caught Cougarella getting dressed the other day, too.

Unlike my usual stare-like-a-pervert antics, I managed to tear my eyes away from Cougarella’s display and remind myself to plant trees, tall ones, along my fence. But her display didn’t end there. You see, my bathroom window faces her house, and a few days later when I was in the shower, as I lathered up my hair, I happened to look out the window, and lo and behold! There she was again! This time, she was in her bedroom and her windows were wide open and she was changing. She didn’t have a bra on. She was trying on tops. And her tits were in my line of vision again! Hard nipples. In my eyeballs! So, yeah, I stared a little. How could I not? I mean, that same window she was standing in is visible from the street, too. Surely, I was not the only one checking out this naked woman…was I?

So, I made it my mission to start asking around about Cougarella’s nudity. First person was my neighbor across the street, a retired police officer. We will call him Officer Krupke. When I asked, Officer Krupke laughed and told me that she would put on the topless window show every day at 3 p.m. without fail. “Weekends, too!” he said, smiling. “I always mow my lawn at 3 p.m. on Saturdays so I can get a good look. She’s a looker, that one.” A wise man, that Officer Krupke.

Do your neighbors get naked with the windows and blinds open?

Do your neighbors get naked with the windows and blinds open?

Then I asked my other next-door neighbor, Mrs. Rodriguez, a housewife and a general Cougarella-hater. Her report confirmed that Cougarella had been putting on the tit-show for over a year now. Except when she told me, it wasn’t as happy-go-lucky as Officer Krupke’s report. “That fucking slut! I want to claw her fucking eyes out. I’ve caught my husband looking at her. She has no shame! You should say something to her about that. She is your neighbor, you know.”

Her request that I say something got me thinking. Should I say something? I mean, she was naked and I could see her. Shouldn’t I give her the heads up? But then I started thinking…what if Cougarella wanted us to look? What if this MILF got her kicks being an exhibitionist? Who was I to ruin her good time and, apparently, the good time of all the penis’ed folk in my neighborhood?

I mean, voyeurism…sometimes it happens, right?

Which brings us to the point of this blog. What would Scorelanders do? Would you say something? Would you continue to peep? There is a part of me that feels pervy for looking, but then there is a part of me that enjoys her blatant nudity.

(And there’s a part of me that wants to ask her to pose for SCORE, too. lol)

Chime in, big-tit lovers. I love when you voice your opinions.

xxxooo,

Maria