Categories for Tit Tricks

The Uncensored Guide to Lap Dancing: Part Five & Conclusion

February 24, 2016 by Elliot James 4 Comments

Tip the dancers on stage, even if you’re not sitting at the stage.

Click here for Part Four

LAP DANCE ETIQUETTE

Or, that dance doesn’t stink. You do!

You’re not going on a date when you enter a strip club and look for a lap dance, but you’re still going to be associating with women. Just because you have what they want (money) doesn’t mean you can be a disgusting pig. So, before you leave for the club:

1. Take a shower or make sure you smell good. You want these girls getting as close to you as possible, and they’re not going to want to if you smell like a garbage dump.

2. Think twice before putting on cologne. What if she doesn’t like what you’re wearing? What if it reminds her of her ex-deadbeat boyfriend (as opposed to her current deadbeat boyfriend)? Remember, you’re not trying to build a long-lasting relationship with her. You’re trying to get her to grind your cock in a way that’ll get you off.

3. Don’t wear rough pants. If you wear denim jeans, make sure they’re soft and pre-washed. Soft khakis are good. Sweatpants are fine, too, if the club allows them. Loose and soft is the way to go. If you have the balls, wear baggy shorts with no underwear. When you get to the club, take your keys and bulky items out of your front pockets.

4. If you haven’t shaved for a few days, shave. If you scrape a dancer’s boobs with your metrosexual stubble, her experience will be less than pleasant, and that will affect your experience. This rule does not apply if you have a full, soft beard.

Then, when you get to the club:

1. Don’t get drunk off your ass. First, you want to exercise some money management. One time, a friend and I went to a ballgame in Montreal. He drank a beer an inning. Then we went to one of Montreal’s notorious strip joints, at which he promptly fell in love with a dancer, convinced himself that she liked him and proceeded to empty his pockets. Of course, when he ran out of money, her love affair with him was over. A drunk guy in a strip club is what’s known as a mark. Nobody wants to be a mark.

2. Don’t be loud and obnoxious. Very few dancers like loud, obnoxious guys (they remind them of their boyfriends).

3. Tip the dancers on stage, even if you’re not sitting at the stage. You’ll score points with all the dancers, who’ll be more eager to score with you.

4. Don’t tip for a single lap dance. If you do, you will lock yourself in with that dancer. If you buy three or four dances from a girl, then you can throw in a tip after the final dance. Make her work for her money.

5. If you can swing it, tip the bouncer when you walk in. He’ll appreciate it and leave you alone (unless you’re violating the “Rules of the Room”).

6. If you intend to shoot a load during the dance, go to the men’s room while you’re hard or semi-hard and put on a condom. Otherwise, you’ll stain your shorts and pants and make a mess.

7. Dancers know they have hot bodies or they wouldn’t have been hired by the club, but they still need verbal reinforcement. Compliment her on her hair and body while she’s lapping you (without sounding like a porno perv).

8. Between  dances with the same girl, take a break for a chat (the length of one song) and offer to give her a foot massage. Dancers love foot massages (they’re standing on high heels for eight hours at a time), and when she starts her next dance, she’ll probably be more generous with her body.

9. Be nice to her. Use your hands to make love to her body. Just because she’s a stripper doesn’t mean she doesn’t like to feel good. When she’s sitting on your lap with her back to you, breathe lightly on the nape of her neck or into her ear. These are powerful erogenous zones for a woman, and even the toughest dancer will find herself getting turned on.

10. Keep the grinding rhythmic and strong when she is sitting on your lap. Match her motion, as if you’re dancing with her.

There are a few more touchy subjects we should deal with, too.

V.I.P. Rooms: Once she’s sitting on your lap, there’s a good chance she’ll try to lure you into the V.I.P. room. V.I.P. rooms tend to be very pricey, and what you’ll receive in the room varies from club to club and state to state (in some cases, you’ll get nothing more than a more-private experience and a bottle of overpriced champagne; in other cases, and for considerably more money, you’ll get a hand job, maybe a blow job, maybe full service). If you don’t want to go into the V.I.P. room, just say to her, nicely, “No thanks. I’m fine out here.” If she keeps pushing you, she’s a money-hungry whore and it might be time for you to cum and run. Or just run.

The Lap Dance Room Blow Job: Yes, there are clubs (I’ve been in them) where blow jobs or hand jobs, sometimes even full, sit-on-your-cock sex, are offered in the Lap Dance Room. I’ve been in clubs in which the girl pulled my cock out and went down to suck without even asking. Now, this might be tough to do in this situation, but it’s important: Insist on a condom. Because your cock won’t be the first cock she’s sucked in the Lap Dance Room. And it won’t be the last. Can you be positive that the last unsheathed cock she sucked was disease-free? No, you can’t!

Got all that? Now go out and get your dance!

Editors: Dave Rosenbaum & Elliot James

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Hey, there, it’s “Yoga Bare” with Alexya

January 29, 2016 by Elliot James 4 Comments

Today, Alexya shows us her moves at yoga, some martial arts and calisthenics. She also does some moves without any workout clothes, something not usually seen at your local fitness center. At least not the one I go to.

Alexya also can self-suck her tits, something that’s not easy for many busty girls.

Alexya says she doesn’t workout, which is surprising considering what great shape she’s in, but she does go dancing a lot and rides horses.

Alexya so inspired T.R., a member of the silent majority, that he wrote, “As a reader of SCORE since 1992 and Voluptuous since 1994, I never felt the need to write in until you published the F-cup Romanian super vixen known as Alexya.”

Alexya is very flexible. Watch the video and see.

 

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Guess whose tits?

January 19, 2016 by Dave 19 Comments

This is a tough one. You haven't seen much of her. But what you have seen has been pretty great.

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The wonders of Roxi Red at SCORELAND

January 15, 2016 by Elliot James 4 Comments

Every time we look at Roxi Red, we’re blown away by the sheer size of her big natural tits, especially compared to her overall slim physique.

We looked at this scene during a meeting, and everyone at the table was astounded. It takes a lot to do that.

Roxi is really incomparable. Retired Sammie Black’s boobs have a very different shape. Miosotis and Kristina Milan also have enormous tits.

“I love kissing, tit-sucking and getting oral best, in that order,” says Roxi about her favorite activities.

“I like a sweet-talking man who enjoys sucking tits.”

A fan from The Netherlands wrote, “I hope Roxi will run for president in Holland soon!”

We don’t believe that’s legally or logistically possible, but we approve his message.

Roxi: No bra can contain those boobs for long.

 

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Guess whose boobs, plus more news from SCORELAND

December 29, 2015 by Dave 26 Comments

Nice view.

You’ve seen this girl before. Not many times, but you’ve seen her.

Meanwhile…

• There’s a newcomer in the studio right now who I think you’re going to love. I can’t show you a photo because I don’t have one yet. She’s an interesting mixture of Japanese, Hispanic and black. She fucks on-camera. She looks a little like actress Pam Grier (but with much bigger tits). I’ll try to grab a photo of her next week.

• Sandra Star and Dolly Fox recently returned to our studios in Europe. Sandra got fucked by two guys. I’m not surprised.

• Time is running out to place your online votes for the SCORE and V-mag Awards. The ballot boxes close at the stroke of midnight on New Year’s Eve. SCORE Newcomer of the Year is probably going to come down to Katie Thornton, Liza Biggs and Shelby Gibson.

• On Friday, pregnant Micky Bells returns to SCORELAND. On Saturday, Roxi Red fucks at SCORELAND. That has to be the most-impressive two-day offering of giant, natural tits in history.

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How can a girl look so sweet and innocent when she’s licking her own nipple?

December 27, 2015 by Dave 11 Comments

Allie licks it good.

The thing is, Allie Pearson is sweet and innocent. Kind of.

She’s about as sweet and innocent as a girl who tit-fucks and sucks cock on-camera can be.

Ooooops…did I just let the cat out of the bag?

Allie, one of the top natural newcomers of 2015 or any other year, makes her SCORELAND solo debut in an XLGirls Special today after wowing ’em at XLGirls.com. Photos and a video.

Is full-on hardcore in her future? That’ll be one of the big questions of 2016.

The year is coming to an end. What were the top big-boob stories of 2015?

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Invitation from a busty babe: Kate Marie returns to #1 in big boobs

December 23, 2015 by Elliot James 4 Comments

“I’m Irish and Sicilian,” says beautiful girl-next-door Kate Marie, back at SCORELAND today. “I mostly got the Irish side. I naturally have freckles. But I have brown eyes. I think my chest is from my Sicilian side.”

How should a breast-lovin’ guy compliment a girl with big boobs?

We asked Kate her opinion.

“You don’t have to just compliment the thing you’re focused on. If you want to be suave about it, just say, ‘You have a very lovely body,’ or, ‘You’re beautiful. You have a great body.’ That works.”

Kate was a guest on SCOREtv Season 2 Episode 4 last Sunday. My advice? See it.

Happy holidays from Kate Marie.

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Tiggle Bitties returns to SCORELAND today, and this could be the photo of the year

December 11, 2015 by Dave 9 Comments

If you walk under this ladder, your days will not grow sadder.

Yes, she’s tit-fucking a ladder.

In other big-boob news, I just took a look at brand-new photos of Micky Bells. You may not believe what I’m about to say:

SHE’S BUSTIER THAN EVER!

I know, it seems impossible, considering she was a J-cupper before she lost weight, but she’s even bigger now.

Why is she bigger? Because she’s pregnant.

Seriously, I’ve seen a lot of big, fat natural tits in my life, but I’ve never seen tits like these.

I’ll try to post a photo next week. I’ve already added a few to my personal collection.

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The great Roxi Red returns to SCORELAND

November 29, 2015 by Dave 15 Comments

Roxi never has tight quads because she massages them with her tits.

A few weeks ago, the great Roxi Red was in our studio for the first time in two years. I was astounded when I saw her. She’s always been one of the bustiest naturals ever. She’s one of the rare naturals who’s a member of The 20 Club (for girls whose chest measurement exceeds their waist measurement by 20 inches or more). But it looked to me as if Roxi’s tits had gotten bigger (they were K-cups) and she’d slimmed down. This photo confirms that.

Wow.

Roxi returns to SCORELAND with brand-new photos and video on Friday, December 4.

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