Tag Archive: brassieres

Boob Shame: It happens every day and it’s a crime.

This weekend, two things happened to me which are noteworthy.

The first is that I was suckered with pizza and beer into helping a friend paint his new apartment . (Really, I did it because I am a good friend, but beer always improves house painting, I think.)

The second is that I found myself at Home Depot buying paint.

While that is not of note necessarily, what happened at this hardware mecca is.

You see, when I go to Home Depot, I get hit on alllllllllllll the time. It’s a store fueled by testosterone and tools. Within its confines, you will find all kinds of men doing and buying things that are manly. Husbands, construction worker types, college-aged jocks, burly older types all walking around and checking out the goods.

And by the goods, I mean the few women that are in the store looking lost and unsure of themselves. (Tools and home improvement are not most women’s cup of tea.) So, whenever I find myself at Home Depot, there are men looking at my boobs in every aisle.

Sometimes they approach me and sometimes they just gawk at me, but the bottom line is, if you have a big rack like I do, or a big ass like most of the women in Miami do, you are getting hit on. That is a fact.

Women approaching women in stores and striking up conversations about tits doesn't JUST happen in pornos.

That is why I was so confused when this tiny old lady came up to me and in very hushed tones asked me if I spoke Spanish. When I replied that I did, she leaned in and asked me where I bought my bras.

“My daughter,” she said while motioning with her head to a busty teen girl about 10 feet away. “She has big breasts like you and her bras don’t fit her right. Her breasts don’t look nice. Yours look nice. Where can I buy her the right bras?”

Now, the guys who I was with all looked shocked that this woman was discussing my breasts and comparing them to her daughter’s, too. But I didn’t even bat an eyelash. Maybe it’s because I work in porn. Or maybe it’s because I am used to people talking about my breasts. I just launched into an explanation about the importance of getting fitted for a bra and knowing your true bra size.

After a few minutes, I could tell that this mother, who had tiny breasts by the way, was not understanding what I was saying. Maybe it was my Spanish? Or maybe, because she didn’t have big breasts, she just didn’t understand the process of finding a bra that fit.

I then offered to speak to her daughter directly.

I walked up to the girl, who looked to be dying of embarrassment at the moment, and told her, “Your mom says you are having trouble finding bras…”

And instead of having an open conversation about what was clearly a problem for her (Her wrong-sized bra was riding up her back and her breasts were being pulled down by too-small, ill-fitting bra cups.), she totally freaked out.

“I don’t have a problem with my bra. I am fine,” she replied nervously.

“I can help you figure out what the problem is so they fit better,” I said.

“No, no. I am okay,” she countered. And then she walked away and I turned to her mother and said, “She doesn’t seem to think she needs help with her bras. I hope I gave you the info you needed.”

And that was that.

But I realized right there and then that this girl was suffering from Boob Shame. She was at the awkward stage of having big boobs where you try to deny their bigness because you don’t want to look different from everyone else. She was in denial and didn’t even want to talk about her boobs because they embarrassed her. Granted, I’m a stranger, and maybe she was uncomfortable talking to me about them, but she looked like she couldn’t talk to anyone about them.  If she did, she would have asked someone, maybe at one of the many stores her mother mentioned that she’d been to, about her bra size.

It made me realize and remember how tough it is to have big boobs when you are younger. Young women have to come to grips with their big boobs and embrace that they are going to be big and that’s that. But it’s tough. In a world full of flatties, busty girls stick out like a sore thumb. And at a young age, they deal with a lot of teasing and terrorizing by their less-busty class mates and peers. I can’t tell you how many busty models have told me stories about being teased and ridiculed at the age when their boobs started growing bigger than their friends’ boobs. I can’t tell you how difficult and frustrating it was for me to find bras when I was younger.

I saw Little Miss Boob Shame again at the checkout, and she was covering her boobs with crossed arms and looking notably upset. I didn’t want to push the envelope further, but I walked over and handed her my number.

“I know it’s embarrassing to talk about, but if you ever want some advice on how to buy the right bra, you can contact me,” I said. And then I walked away.

And that was that.

I hope she calls.

If I can help her embrace her top-heaviness at a young age, she will have an easier time adjusting to them overall.

And that’s how we do away with Boob Shame…one pair at a time.

xoxo

Maria