Today, all eyes are on XLGirls.com as real-life sisters Erin and Helen Star put on your show of shows. Elliot wrote the script for this scene and, damn, did he ever get it right.
When the video opens, the girls are wearing white tank tops, short shorts and heels.
First, Helen undresses Erin. Then, Erin undresses Helen. Whose tits are bigger? You’ll never get a better chance to answer that question as they walk and stand side by side.
Helen straps a bra onto her not-so-little little sister. Erin straps a bra onto her big, busty sister. Then they jiggle and sway their bra-encased tits. The bras come off. Helen lifts Erin’s tits. Erin lifts Helen’s tits. Then they play slapping and flopping tit games before creaming each other’s boobs and booties. Yes, the girls touch each other’s tits. A lot.
Helen gives Erin a lap dance. Erin gives Helen a lap dance. The girls lie back and buzz their pussies with vibrators, so now you have super-busty sisters with their tits splayed, their legs spread and their pussies being buzzed. Wow. They both cum before finishing off the scene by spraying each other’s tits with water.
Busty sisters is the kind of thing you don’t see every day. This scene? I’ve never seen anything like it. Thank you, girls.
It all begins when Nyx Monroe, a dancer in the Baltimore, Maryland area, gives JMac a twerking, boob-jiggling lap dance.
We hear Nyx’s thoughts in a voice-over as she gives him the grind: what she likes to do to guys and what she likes guys to do to her. This dance will end in a big bang.
Nyx is a 10 at sex. I base this on the two sex scenes she’s shot at SCORELAND. Flexible and horny, Nyx is a moaner and a screamer and doesn’t hold back, making sounds of pleasure. She’s really into enjoying herself and her partners. Nyx and JMac had that all-important great chemistry.
You’re not going on a date when you enter a strip club and look for a lap dance, but you’re still going to be associating with women. Just because you have what they want (money) doesn’t mean you can be a disgusting pig. So, before you leave for the club:
1. Take a shower or make sure you smell good. You want these girls getting as close to you as possible, and they’re not going to want to if you smell like a garbage dump.
2. Think twice before putting on cologne. What if she doesn’t like what you’re wearing? What if it reminds her of her ex-deadbeat boyfriend (as opposed to her current deadbeat boyfriend)? Remember, you’re not trying to build a long-lasting relationship with her. You’re trying to get her to grind your cock in a way that’ll get you off.
3. Don’t wear rough pants. If you wear denim jeans, make sure they’re soft and pre-washed. Soft khakis are good. Sweatpants are fine, too, if the club allows them. Loose and soft is the way to go. If you have the balls, wear baggy shorts with no underwear. When you get to the club, take your keys and bulky items out of your front pockets.
4. If you haven’t shaved for a few days, shave. If you scrape a dancer’s boobs with your metrosexual stubble, her experience will be less than pleasant, and that will affect your experience. This rule does not apply if you have a full, soft beard.
Then, when you get to the club:
1. Don’t get drunk off your ass. First, you want to exercise some money management. One time, a friend and I went to a ballgame in Montreal. He drank a beer an inning. Then we went to one of Montreal’s notorious strip joints, at which he promptly fell in love with a dancer, convinced himself that she liked him and proceeded to empty his pockets. Of course, when he ran out of money, her love affair with him was over. A drunk guy in a strip club is what’s known as a mark. Nobody wants to be a mark.
2. Don’t be loud and obnoxious. Very few dancers like loud, obnoxious guys (they remind them of their boyfriends).
3. Tip the dancers on stage, even if you’re not sitting at the stage. You’ll score points with all the dancers, who’ll be more eager to score with you.
4. Don’t tip for a single lap dance. If you do, you will lock yourself in with that dancer. If you buy three or four dances from a girl, then you can throw in a tip after the final dance. Make her work for her money.
5. If you can swing it, tip the bouncer when you walk in. He’ll appreciate it and leave you alone (unless you’re violating the “Rules of the Room”).
6. If you intend to shoot a load during the dance, go to the men’s room while you’re hard or semi-hard and put on a condom. Otherwise, you’ll stain your shorts and pants and make a mess.
7. Dancers know they have hot bodies or they wouldn’t have been hired by the club, but they still need verbal reinforcement. Compliment her on her hair and body while she’s lapping you (without sounding like a porno perv).
8. Between dances with the same girl, take a break for a chat (the length of one song) and offer to give her a foot massage. Dancers love foot massages (they’re standing on high heels for eight hours at a time), and when she starts her next dance, she’ll probably be more generous with her body.
9. Be nice to her. Use your hands to make love to her body. Just because she’s a stripper doesn’t mean she doesn’t like to feel good. When she’s sitting on your lap with her back to you, breathe lightly on the nape of her neck or into her ear. These are powerful erogenous zones for a woman, and even the toughest dancer will find herself getting turned on.
10. Keep the grinding rhythmic and strong when she is sitting on your lap. Match her motion, as if you’re dancing with her.
There are a few more touchy subjects we should deal with, too.
V.I.P. Rooms: Once she’s sitting on your lap, there’s a good chance she’ll try to lure you into the V.I.P. room. V.I.P. rooms tend to be very pricey, and what you’ll receive in the room varies from club to club and state to state (in some cases, you’ll get nothing more than a more-private experience and a bottle of overpriced champagne; in other cases, and for considerably more money, you’ll get a hand job, maybe a blow job, maybe full service). If you don’t want to go into the V.I.P. room, just say to her, nicely, “No thanks. I’m fine out here.” If she keeps pushing you, she’s a money-hungry whore and it might be time for you to cum and run. Or just run.
The Lap Dance Room Blow Job: Yes, there are clubs (I’ve been in them) where blow jobs or hand jobs, sometimes even full, sit-on-your-cock sex, are offered in the Lap Dance Room. I’ve been in clubs in which the girl pulled my cock out and went down to suck without even asking. Now, this might be tough to do in this situation, but it’s important: Insist on a condom. Because your cock won’t be the first cock she’s sucked in the Lap Dance Room. And it won’t be the last. Can you be positive that the last unsheathed cock she sucked was disease-free? No, you can’t!
I’ve had my hand pushed away by a lap dancer. But never twice by the same lap dancer. At least not on the same part of her body.
I’ve locked my mouth around a lap dancer’s tit and heard, “Lick. Don’t suck.” And she only had to tell me once.
I’ve had hundreds of lap dances, some good, some bad, some memorable, and by now, I think I know the Rules of the Room.
You’re not going to see the Rules of the Lap Dance Room posted anywhere. You just have to know them.
1. No means no. Listen to what she says! You do not want to piss off your lap dancer. She’s your friend. You want her to make you happy. You want her to want to make you happy. So when she tells you not to bite or suck her nipple, don’t bite it. If you’re kneading her tits like a pile of dough and she says, “Soft, not hard,” then soft, not hard, it is.
2. Do not try to finger her pussy unless she invites you to do it. Don’t worry. She’ll let you know if it’s okay. You’ll be playing with her hips. Maybe your hand will wander over her G-string. And she’ll direct your hand to her pussy. If she does, rub it. If she moans, finger it. The same rule applies to her ass, although I’ve been with only a handful of dancers who let me finger their assholes. Which brings me to the next rule…
3. If she’s letting you finger her, don’t go from her pussy to her ass and back again. That’s an hygienic no-no.
4. Keep your cock in your pants unless she invites you to take your cock out of your pants, which she probably won’t. Violating this rule could get you thrown out of the club if there’s a bouncer nearby.
5. Don’t try to kiss her on the lips. Kiss her ears (but don’t stick your tongue in them), kiss her shoulders, kiss her neck, but don’t try to kiss her on the lips, don’t try to French her and don’t slobber! Besides, for reasons I’m not going to go into here but should be obvious, you don’t want to French her.
6. Remember, a good dancer not only wants to make you happy this time, she wants to keep you as a customer. She’ll let you know what you can do, either by directing your hands or whispering in your ear. On the other hand…
7. A good, professional dancer never gives it all away during the first song. Chances are–and this only goes for a good dancer–the more you invest, the more comfortable she’ll get with you and the more risqué she’ll become. The more certain she’ll be that you’re not a cop. Strippers are like real-life girls in that way. The more time you spend with them, the nicer they are to you. Unless you’re an asshole.
8. Don’t be afraid to make special requests. No, I’m not telling you to say to her, “Blow me.” What I’m saying is, if she’s facing you and you want to see her ass, just say to her, “Let me see your ass.” Say it politely, not gruffly. If she has her ass in your face and you want to see her tits, ask her to turn around. Don’t say, “Turn around, bitch.” Say, “Let me see those beautiful tits again.”
Finally, make sure your cock is facing the right way (whatever’s comfortable for you; for me, it’s up and leaning left). Don’t be afraid to say to her, “Can you give me a second to adjust myself?” She’s been through this routine before. And be discreet when the bouncer or bartender are nearby or in the room. In other words, when the bouncer walks by isn’t the time to shove a finger up her tight little ass.
Know the rules of the club. Know the girl’s rules. If you really like a dancer, build a relationship with her. No, I’m not telling you to take her home to meet the parents. With familiarity comes better, hotter dances.
Now, my next suggestion might turn off some of you, but let’s be realistic: You’re not gonna be the first guy she gave a lap dance to and you’re not gonna be the last. A strip club is not the place to find untouched virgins who you’re going to bring home to mama.
I’m going to suggest that unless you’re absolutely sure the girl you just saw onstage is going to give you a great lap dance–and I mean she did just about everything within the legal limit to give you a great show and practically dropped down into your lap–you’re still not ready to take the plunge. Here’s what I mean.
If the club has an open lap dance room (meaning the area where the dancers give lappers isn’t separate from the rest of the club), take some time to see who’s giving the best lap dances. Don’t stare! Don’t turn some poor schlub’s private session into your personal peep show. That’s just not right. It violates some unwritten man rule. But look around. See which dancers are really grinding, which dancers are really giving the customers their money’s worth. Which dancers are always reaching behind their backs and grabbing the patrons’ cocks. Figure out which dancers are always in demand.
If the club doesn’t have an open lap dance area, there are still things you can do. Conclusions you can draw.
For example, let’s say you see a guy and a dancer walk back to the lap dance room. One song later, they’re walking back out. This could mean only one of three things:
1. The dance sucked and the guy couldn’t wait to get out of there.
2. The dance was great and the guy came quickly.
3. The guy only had enough money for one dance.
If it’s the third reason, you’re fucked. You can’t draw any conclusions.
Of the other two possibilities, chances are the dance sucked, and here’s why: If he came in his pants, he wouldn’t be walking out of the room so quickly. He’d still be back there adjusting himself. Getting himself ready. Tipping the dancer. Exchanging small talk. Then, somewhere near the end of the next song, they’d walk back out.
If the dance sucked, you can definitely tell. He walks out first, she walks out second, they’re not talking to each other, he wants to get as far away from her as possible, but he doesn’t leave the club. He stays because he still has money left to burn. Just not with her.
Of course, if the guy and his dancer are back there for a half hour, you know the dances are good. Another good sign: the guy leaves the lap dance room but the dancer doesn’t. He heads straight for the ATM machine, takes out more cash and heads back into the room. This guy is spending more than he planned on spending because he’s getting the dances of his life. This is the best sign.
So relax. Look around. See who’s enjoying themselves. See which dancers are constantly in demand. They’re not always going to be the prettiest ones (if the regulars seem to be going for the “8” girl and the “10” girl is sitting around smoking and drinking by herself, you can bet who gives the better lap dances).
Now, finally, you’re ready to take the plunge. You’re ready to dip into your wallet and spend some money (or visit the ATM machine).
You’ve done your homework.
You’ve had a few drinks.
You’ve resisted advances from the first dancers who approached you.
You’ve spent some time at the stage.
You’ve smelled, you’ve stared, you’ve listened.
You’ve scouted.
You have your sights set on the girl who’s gonna grind your cock so good, you’ll be cumming by the end of the second song.
Maybe.
Next, read “Rules Of The Room” in Part Four. Because doing your homework only gets you ready for the final exam.
Welcome back to one of the sexiest and shapeliest SCORE MILFs in Florida, Amber Bach.
Amber is a real-life MILF, not a fake porn MILF. In this scene, the guy fires a big pop shot in honor of this blonde bra-buster.
Amber started off as a stripper and lap dancer in Florida clubs such as Scarlett’s Cabaret in Hallandale Beach and Rachel’s in West Palm Beach.
Whether strippers will actually fuck a total stranger in a club, as happens later in this XXX scene, depends on the club and the strippers. Personally, I believe that sex should only be between married couples. A man is incomplete until he is married. Then he’s finished.
Amber could easily go back to stripping if she wanted. Just look at that toned body and those big boobs. She has good memories of jiggling her cans in the oddly addictive and heavily sexual atmosphere of dimly lit strip joints. A club manager would have to be a moron not to hire her. But Amber is happy the way things are now.
If I were a sci-fi writer, Alura is the kind of name I’d give to the queen of a planet of big-boobed Amazons.
Actually, someone did already. In an anime called Voltron Force, there’s a hot chick named Princess Allura.
Alura Jenson is a dancer and model. She has very big boobs and an equally big appetite for sex. She’s real, not an anime character.
Alura lives in Las Vegas and dances at a club called The Palomino in North Las Vegas. I know the place. I used to go there. Mega-boobed Platinum Peaks used to feature dance there in the early ’90s. Some of you might remember her.
If you’re on the Las Vegas Strip, you just head straight north and the Palomino is on your right. It used to be the only all-nude club in town that served liquor. I think it still is. It’s about eight miles from the main action of Vegas but well-worth the visit. Especially since Alura is currently strutting her sexy stuff there.
Hey, it’s not called the Las Vegas Strip for nothing.
Boom-Boom In The VIP Room with Alura Jenson.
We have an Alura double-feature this weekend. At SCORELAND, Alura gets a wild and nasty anal creampie bang and more in “Analyze This“, and at SCOREVideos, she dances in our own little VIP room before riding a stripper pole of another kind in “Boom-Boom In The VIP Room.” I strongly advise doubling the amount of protein powder and lecithin in your shakes this week just to keep up with Miss Jenson. I’d heard that she was wild. I didn’t know how wild until I saw her in action, leaving scorch marks on the couch. Alura said that she had a huge orgasm before the guy busted his nut in her butt-hole. And then she immediately sucked his dick.
Alura lives up to her name. Welcome aboard a new hot chick.
She’ll be in the June ’13 SCORE, on sale March 19th.
If Big-Boob Finishing School did not exist, we would be forced to create it as a public service for girls who want to become better girlfriends.
At this critically acclaimed center for advancement in the science and art of man-pleasing, Michelle Bond is the knowledgeable head mistress.
In fact, Miss Bond wrote the best selling book, The Ultimate Guide For Pleasing Men, featured in this film.
Our camera crew traveled to Miss Bond’s posh estate in Portugal, where she allowed us to film her stacked students–Valory Irene, Arianna Sinn, Sophie Mae, Lana Ivans and Eden Mor–during actual classes as they learned the step-by-step techniques of making a guy feel like a king.
This is a DVD for every man with big boobs on his brain 24-7 and one he can even watch with his girlfriend, wife or friend with benefits.
The courses taught include:
1) How girls should dress to please a guy.
2) How a girl can be a porn star in her own bedroom.
3) The art of oily massage.
4) How to give the perfect lap dance.
5) How a guy should be woken up in the morning.
And much more plus lots of behind-the-scenes extras.
