Tag Archive: Sophia Vergara

The mainstream celebrity I’d most like to see in a fuck film

December 5, 2012 by Dave 4 Comments

No, thank you.

The current Blog poll asks, “Which busty mainstream celebrity would you most like to see in a fuck film?” The choices are singer Mariah Carey, actress Christina Hendricks from the TV show Mad Men, actress Sofia Vergara from the TV show Modern Family, actress Salma Hayek and country music singer Dolly Parton. Here’s my view of the five choices:

Mariah Carey: Curvy and likes to show off her tits, ass and legs in stripper-like clothing. The dress she wore at the Christmas Tree Lighting Ceremony in Rockefeller Center would be banned from most family gatherings. Plus, she wears fuck shoes. However, Mariah once got insulted when Howard Stern, thinking he was complimenting her, told her she dressed like a stripper. This indicates to me that there are two sides to Mariah: the outer slut we want to fuck and the scary inner good girl who doesn’t know what the hell she is. If Mariah was any good in bed, she would have said to Stern, “Thank you.”  I’m guessing she’d make a bad porn actress (no surprise since she’s already a lousy mainstream actress).

Christina Hendricks: According to unofficial reports, Christina has DDD-cup breasts. She also has a big ass. I’d like to see her getting plowed from behind, preferably in her tuchus, while her boobs hang. Judging by how sexy she is on-camera in a TV show, I’m guessing that she’d be a wild, nasty, dirty-talking XXX performer. I’d like to see two scenes with Christina: one in which we see her flaming red bush and one in which her pussy is shaved.

Sofia Vergara: I have to try to ignore the annoying, non-stop chatterbox character she plays on Modern Family and concentrate on 1.) Her tits; and 2.) The fact that she’s Colombian. Unfortunately, I suspect that her tits aren’t as big as she makes them out to be (I’m guessing they’re C-cups, Ds at best). So, even though her Latina heritage suggests a wild fuck, her tits would ultimately disappoint me. However, as wives go, she’s a major step up for Ed O’Neil from Katey Sagal.

Salma Hayek: Salma is a saucy Mexican, and many Mexican girls have proven to be nasty, filthy porn stars. However, like Sofia, Salma’s tits probably aren’t as big as we think they are. However, I wouldn’t mind seeing Sofia and Salma in a XXX lesbian scene, and if one of our studs, say Johnny or Lucas, wanted to drop by and poke them in the ass while they’re eating each others’ pussies, that would be fine.

Dolly Parton: Dolly is 66 years old. She has always freely admitted to enjoying sex, and I’m guessing she has developed into one of those always-horny MILFs we see at 60PlusMILFs.com. She also has giant tits, probably even bigger than people think. She once had to cancel a tour because of a sore back. “You lug these around and see if your back don’t hurt!” she said. You have to love a woman who is always calling attention to her tits, so I think Dolly would be a red-hot fuck on-camera, always making sure her tits were in view, whether she was sucking cock or fucking. Or getting tit-fucked, which is a must. And wouldn’t you love to see Dolly facialized?

This is a tough choice. Right now, Christina Hendricks has 53% of the vote, and I think I agree with the voters.

 

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