April 8, 2015 by Elliot James
Olivia Jackson does have big...eyes.
He said: “What big eyes you have.”
She said: “My eyes are up here!”
On this was built a funny T-shirt empire.
A thousand men took part in a study to determine what men look at first when they check out a woman, and boobs were not first on their automatic list.
Eyes, smiles and then breasts were the top three out of 10.
The study was commissioned by–who else?–Murine Eye Drops.
Murine’s spokesperson concluded, “Eyes usually tell us a lot about a person so we aren’t surprised that eyes are what draws us to the opposite sex. This study almost crushes the common stereotype that the first thing men look at is a woman’s chest, however it came third on the list so it’s not quite a changed habit.”
Girls love a man who wears this shirt. Off-topic, isn't that great cameltoe at left?
August 14, 2011 by Maria
Minka's hard nipples are distracting.
I want to talk about something that I feel needs to be talked about. I want to talk about hard nipples.
Yeah, I said it.
I am not talking about naked hard nipples because once you have them all out in the open, hard nipples lose their hard edge. They are not as eye-catching or very serious at all once they are naked and in your line of vision or, if you are lucky, your mouth.
Nope.
What I want to talk about is what I like to refer to as the red flag of all things tit…hard nipples in a shirt. I am a woman and I have big boobs. Clearly, I have nipples. Clearly, they get hard. You would think that this would deter me in some way from staring when confronted by what Dave likes to call “Air-Conditioning Nipples.” It does not.
Nope, when I see a pair of headlights, I am struck stupid by their blinding lure. I stare. Nay, I gawk. I cannot help it. I know I am not alone. I know ALL of you stare, too. How can you not? It’s like two air-traffic control men are waving you in to the bone zone.
I started thinking to myself, “But just HOW distracting can hard nipples be? I mean, can ANYONE resist the lure when a pair of nips are staring you down?”
I decided to be scientific because let’s face it, experiments are fun and everyone secretly wants to be a scientist. I went to one of those gag stores in the mall. You know, the kind that sells everything under the sun that you will never, ever need but probably will buy. It was there that I found a pair of fake nipples. Yes…FAKE NIPPLES. They are rubber pasties with extra-big, extra-hard nipples that when worn over your real nipples and under your bra make your nipples look EXTRA hard. Like, mutant hard nipples.
Armed with these hard nipples, or rather, wearing them, and a very thin, very white tank top (a wife-beater, as they are known to be called), I headed over to the best possible place to conduct my experiment: the supermarket. I wanted to see just how much lure a set of hard nipples had, and I want to publicly state that the findings of my experiment were both epic and quite hilarious.
To say that my super-hard nipples caused quite a stir is an understatement. I didn’t even make it into my grocer’s door before the shenanigans began. Men pushing carts crashing into things. Then I went in and asked clerks questions like, “Do you know what aisle the sugar is in?” and “How can you tell if a melon is ripe?” I asked the butcher in the meat department what cut of meat was the best for grilling. I asked a stranger in the frozen foods section if he knew where the frozen peas were. I can say that NO ONE talked to me. They all talked to my breasts. The men I asked were extra helpful. The guy in the produce section offered to carry my melon for me. The meat department employee asked me about the weather, TWICE. (I think he wanted me to say it was cold.) The guy in the aisle wanted to know if I would like him to push my cart for me. (I think that was innuendo for, “Let me push my dick in you.”) LOL
Hard nipples...distracting, but delicious.
And the women in the store? Well, they looked at me like I was the dingo that stole their baby. One woman actually hissed at me. I am not making this up. She HISSED. The cashier, a younger gal, probably in her mid-20s, was so flustered that she couldn’t formulate a sentence. It was like she wanted to tell me off and point out my hard nipples, as if they were offensive. And not one but TWO bag boys needed to help me carry out my three bags of groceries. When I tipped them, one of them asked me for my number. Clearly, he wanted my nips, not my tips.
By the time I got into my car, I had concluded one thing: Hard nipples are a pretty serious force of nature. Their lure is undeniable and, frankly, powerful. So, to all the men reading this blog, I say, it is not your fault that you stare at them. They are a formidable opponent to the eye. And to all the women, I say this…with great power comes great responsibility, so if you know your headlights are on, be careful who you are blinding. You might just cause an accident!
xoxo
Maria
November 15, 2009 by Maria
As far as I am concerned, when a chick is showing cleavage she WANTS you to look at it. Big time.
I love being able to come to the blog and talk tits with you fine folks. It’s practically therapeutic to be able to have a forum to get things off my chest about, well, big chests! lol That’s why when something happened to me a couple of days ago, I found it worthy of mentioning here.
Okay, so let me set up the situation for you.
You have me, a big-boobed chick, out to lunch with a buddy of mine on Friday. Friday lunches are usually a crowded affair at most of the restaurants surrounding The SCORE Group headquarters here in Miami because most people go out to eat in droves (Maybe because it’s so close to the weekend?). So, my buddy Mario (Hi Mario!) and I are waiting to be seated at a local Colombian restaurant to have some soup since it is currently a bit chilly in Miami. (Yes, my name is Maria and I hang out with a guy named Mario. And yes, chilly to us is 71 degrees. lol)
While we are waiting by the door of this crowded soup place, I notice this chick who is sitting at a table directly ahead of us. She is immersed in a deep convo with her lunch date and doesn’t even glance in our direction. Normally I would have glanced at her and kept going but here is where it gets sticky.
First of all, this chick had MONDO tits. Like HUMONGOUS ones. Second of all, she was wearing this low-cut sweater thing that showed off what I like to refer to as A VALLEY OF TIT CREASE. I’m talking about a fucking Grand Canyon of cleave, dude.
Now when I see cleavage like that, and like that I mean cleavage so deep I want to put my hands into it for warmth, I cannot help but stare. It’s like a fucking magnet for my eyes! I can’t stop looking. I mean, I am stuck in ogle-mode. Seriously.
So I look over at Mario to say, “Hey dude, look at that cleave crack at 12 o’clock,” and I realize that he is also fixated on the funbags ahead. (This is probably why we are friends. We both love big boobs. lol) So, now both Mario and I are staring, no scratch that, we are engraving into our memories each inch of this oblivious babe’s biggums when she looks up and catches us staring at her bosoms.
Now Mario, because he is a guy and is programmed to look away at such moments, plays dumb and acts like he is looking at the wall four feet above her head. But not me. I don’t have that AVOID THE RACK-FRONTATION radar, apparently, and I just keep looking at her tits. So she coughs. Loudly. Irritatedly. But being the oblivious caught-in-her-headlights boob fiend that I am, I don’t notice. I just keep on keepin’ on and I even might have mouthed the word, WOW, while doing so.
That’s when two things happened.
1) Mario elbowed me and whispered, “Stop staring, stupid.”
2) She grabbed her napkin and covered her tits up and sort of snapped me out of my boobnotized state. (That’s when you are hypnotized by the titties, just FYI.)
Shortly after that awkward moment passed, our host sat us and when we walked by she distinctly whispered the words, “Fucking perverts.” Well, whispered is the wrong word. HISSED is more like it.
Now, here is what I have come to vent about on the blog, because, well, I can! lol
WHY AM I THE FUCKING PERVERT WHEN SHE WAS THE ONE WEARING HER CHESTICLES OUT AND ABOUT?!? IT’S NOT MY FAULT SHE WAS FLYING THE TIT FLAG OUT THERE ALL PROUD AND I HAD TO SALUTE IT WITH MY EYEBALLS, IS IT?
I mean, seriously…I have big boobs and when I wear them out like that, like a fucking Macy’s window display, I expect people to stop and stare. Fuck, I expect them to point and maybe even applaud. lol
What I am saying is, what the fuck did she think all that tit crease was gonna do? Repel my peepers?
Has this happened to you guys before? If so, I think we need to start some sort of petition to have a law passed or something because as far as I am concerned, if you’re showin’ off your pair, prepare for the stares.
That’s my rule and I’m stickin’ to it.
Thoughts?
your fucking perverted friend,
Maria
😛
