Holy crap, I can’t believe I’m about to make this confession, but we’re all friends here, right? And I think the statute of limitations on bra theft is less than 30 years, so I’m safe.
I had actually forgotten about this incident in my life. I was reminded of it only because Amaya May has a new hardcore posting today at SCORELAND, and it starts with Amaya finding one of her bras in a guy’s closet. As Elliot elegantly puts it, “This man is a bra thief!”
I thought, “What kind of man steals a woman’s bra?”
And I remembered, “You, Dave. You stole a woman’s bra!”
Yes, me! I did it! I confess!
And I got caught!
The embarrassing story goes like this: At the time, I was dating a girl who had nice tits but not big tits. She was living in a house with a girl who had HUGE tits and liked to show them off.
So, one morning after staying there the night before, I was in the bathroom, taking a shower, when I noticed the girl’s bra hanging over the sink. Those cups were the size of hammocks. I couldn’t resist. I slipped the bra into my overnight bag and absconded with it.
Well, about a month later, my girlfriend found it in the place where I was living. By that time, I had–ahem–used it several times.
The weird thing about it is that she didn’t bat an eye. She just said, “That’s not mine.” She didn’t ask whose it was. Maybe she already knew. Maybe a stolen bra alert had gone out in her house a few weeks earlier. I don’t know. That’s the weirdest part of the story…that my girlfriend didn’t seem bothered by this mysterious bra in my drawer.
You’re probably wondering what I did with the bra after I found it.
I did what any normal man would do: I hid it better.
Elliot asked Amaya if she’s ever caught a guy stealing one of her bras. She said, “I’ve caught guys sneaking a peek at the size of my bra!”
I do that all the time. I love bra tags.
Okay, we’re heading into TMI territory. Maybe we were already there.
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