Titties, titties, titties…you gotta fuckin’ love them!
I know I do. I mean, they bounce, they jiggle, they’re squishy and full and sucking on them is sorta nutritious. You can slap ’em around and pinch ’em and they are great things to sandwich your hands or your cock between.
But you want to know what my favorite thing about big tits is?
If you just stopped reading this and asked, “What’s that mean?” then you need to hang your head in shame and turn in your big-tit lover’s card. It’s been revoked!
Okay, not really, but that just means I will have to take this time to explain what motorboating is.
Unlike Elliot, the boob Jedi here at SCORE, I am not going to go into a very detailed explanation of the history of the term motorboat here. (Sorry Elliot, not knocking your research! lol) I’ll just explain where I first heard the term and then what it is.
There is a wonderful, little flick called Wedding Crashers and in it there is a scene where Owen Wilson’s character has just been come on to by smoking-hot cougar, Jane Seymour. Afterward, he meets up with his best bud, played by the always-funny Vince Vaughn and explains that this MILF just forced him to grope her breasts, Vince Vaughn says:
“Hey, what were they like anyway? They looked pretty good, are they real? Are they built for speed or comfort? What’d you do with them? Motorboat? You play the motorboat?
[makes sputtering motorboat noise] You motorboatin’ son of a bitch! You old sailor you!”
Basically, what it means to motorboat a hot set of tits is when you wedge your face between them and either squeeze the tits firmly about your mug or have the woman, whom said tits belong to, squeeze them for you. Then you proceed to make a sputtering motor noise with your mouth and shake your head back and forth in her cleavage.
Infantile? Maybe. But I can’t tell you how much joy this brings me every time I do it to a big set of hooters. I can’t tell you how many strippers I’ve done this to, either.
But the funny thing is how many NORMAL, EVERY-DAY, AVERAGE WOMEN have let me do this to their tits, too. Or how many men and women have asked to do it to me. (In fact, I once hosted a charity booth for breast cancer where I let strangers motorboat me for $1 for a couple of hours. About $500 later, I came to terms with the power of the motorboat! lol) Maybe it’s because it was brought into the mainstream by Wedding Crashers, but you would be surprised how many people motorboat tits and how many big-titted women are okay with it. And seriously, in a world full of dirty, nasty sexual things that you CAN’T do in public, motorboating is just good, clean fun. lol
Luckily, I managed to get a shot of Renee Ross motorboating once of our studio lads to illustrate the proper way this should be done.
My advice, go out to your local bar or pool hall and find yourself a big-breasted babe. Buy her a drink and then, after you’ve exchanged the preliminaries and she is convinced you’re a great guy, ask her if you can motorboat her boobs. Now, it may not work all the time (Men have asked me and sometimes I have said no…but there are plenty of times I’ve said yes.), but chances are, she might say yes and you will get to mash your face into her sweet valley of tit-flesh.
And once you do, I suggest you hang on and ride the tide, you old sailors, you!