The Uncensored Guide to Lap Dancing: Part Three

February 17, 2016 by Elliot James 5 Comments

Some guys go for two girls during a night of stripclubbing.

Click here for Part Two

Now, my next suggestion might turn off some of you, but let’s be realistic: You’re not gonna be the first guy she gave a lap dance to and you’re not gonna be the last. A strip club is not the place to find untouched virgins who you’re going to bring home to mama.

I’m going to suggest that unless you’re absolutely sure the girl you just saw onstage is going to give you a great lap dance–and I mean she did just about everything within the legal limit to give you a great show and practically dropped down into your lap–you’re still not ready to take the plunge. Here’s what I mean.

If the club has an open lap dance room (meaning the area where the dancers give lappers isn’t separate from the rest of the club), take some time to see who’s giving the best lap dances. Don’t stare! Don’t turn some poor schlub’s private session into your personal peep show. That’s just not right. It violates some unwritten man rule. But look around. See which dancers are really grinding, which dancers are really giving the customers their money’s worth. Which dancers are always reaching behind their backs and grabbing the patrons’ cocks. Figure out which dancers are always in demand.

If the club doesn’t have an open lap dance area,  there are still things you can do. Conclusions you can draw.

For example, let’s say you see a guy and a dancer walk back to the lap dance room. One song later, they’re walking back out. This could mean only one of three things:

1. The dance sucked and the guy couldn’t wait to get out of there.

2. The dance was great and the guy came quickly.

3. The guy only had enough money for one dance.

If it’s the third reason, you’re fucked. You can’t draw any conclusions.

Of the other two possibilities, chances are the dance sucked, and here’s why: If he came in his pants, he wouldn’t be walking out of the room so quickly. He’d still be back there adjusting himself. Getting himself ready. Tipping the dancer. Exchanging small talk. Then, somewhere near the end of the next song, they’d walk back out.

If the dance sucked, you can definitely tell. He walks out first, she walks out second, they’re not talking to each other, he wants to get as far away from her as possible, but he doesn’t leave the club. He stays because he still has money left to burn. Just not with her.

Of course, if the guy and his dancer are back there for a half hour, you know the dances are good. Another good sign: the guy leaves the lap dance room but the dancer doesn’t. He heads straight for the ATM machine, takes out more cash and heads back into the room. This guy is spending more than he planned on spending because he’s getting the dances of his life. This is the best sign.

So relax. Look around. See who’s enjoying themselves. See which dancers are constantly in demand. They’re not always going to be the prettiest ones (if the regulars seem to be going for the “8” girl and the “10” girl is sitting around smoking and drinking by herself, you can bet who gives the better lap dances).

Now, finally, you’re ready to take the plunge. You’re ready to dip into your wallet and spend some money (or visit the ATM machine).

You’ve done your homework.

You’ve had a few drinks.

You’ve resisted advances from the first dancers who approached you.

You’ve spent some time at the stage.

You’ve smelled, you’ve stared, you’ve listened.

You’ve scouted.

You have your sights set on the girl who’s gonna grind your cock so good, you’ll be cumming by the end of the second song.

Maybe.

Next, read “Rules Of The Room” in Part Four. Because doing your homework only gets you ready for the final exam.

To be continued.

 

 

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5 Comments

  • Boobhound

    At my club, the area is closed off and separate, but you can tell what they might be like by how the girls interact while they’re making the rounds for tips when they’re done at the pole. If she’s quickly pulling her top down to take a bill in her boobs (big or small) and then pulling it back up, then she’s probably not going to allow much. If she’s pulling it down as soon as she walks up to the guy, letting him squeeze and fondle the funbags while he motorboats and talks to her, she’s definitely worth a shot. In short, see how she interacts with the guys on the floor before they go to the private dance area.

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  • maverick

    Hi Elliot,

    Who is the buxom, blonde …lovely lady watching Tiger do a lap dance? Is she a newcomer who we have not seen before and yet to see ??

    Cheers !!

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  • Elliot James

    Angel Wicky

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  • Rooster9

    Eliot and Score: any thoughts about having a Score club? Models from past and pleasant, Florida tourists and the chance to watch a scene or photo job in process. I will be a creative consultant. Best jug luck.

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  • Elliot James

    Rooster9, it’s not a practical option.

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