The Uncensored Guide to Lap Dancing: Part Two

February 16, 2016 by Elliot James 3 Comments

Has this happened to you at your local club?

 

(Click here for Part One)

For now, make sure you have a good view of the stage or stages. Order a drink. Take a good look around. Figure out where the good lap dance action is taking place. Find out the base price for a lap dance in the club (go ahead, ask the bartender. The going price is usually $20 a song in the U.S., £10 or £20 in the UK, although it’s lower in dives, higher in fancy schmancy clubs. Some clubs run hourly specials, like three for 50 or two for 25).You’ll be approached by more dancers who’ll ask either, “Would you like some company?” or “Would you like a dance?” to which your question is still, “Not right now, thanks.” If you have no interest in her at all, say so, but politely. A dancer I knew once said, “I have more respect for a man who has the guts to say ‘No thanks’ or ‘You’re not my type’ instead of the ‘Come back later’ bullshit.”

Of course, you’re not going to be at the bar for long. You’re going to take a seat as close to the stage as possible. If there are seats encircling the stage–and there almost always are–then grab one.

Okay, I know what you’re thinking. Sit at the stage? I’m gonna be hit up for cash every other minute.

Yeah, you are. But sitting at the stage is a good investment in your immediate lap dance future.

The stage is where it all happens. The stage is where you get to find out how down and dirty a girl really is. Is this chick spreading her legs and showing her pussy during stage shows while the other girls are just taking their panties off and showing bush? If she is, you not only know she’s more daring and dirtier than the other girls. You know she’s willing to do more to earn her money. And that’s an important thing to know when you’re scouting out a lap dancer to spend some time with.

Almost infallible rule: The more explicit a dancer gets onstage, the better she is as a lap dancer. Chicks who are afraid to get down on the stage and spread their pussies and asses (when the club allows it) are not going to go the extra mile in the lap dance room. They’re not going to take it as a point of personal pride to make you cum in your pants by grinding against your cock.

So, to summarize: In a bottomless club, the girls who are showing pussy and spreading their asses will most likely give the best lap dances. In a topless-only club, the girls who are constantly pushing the rules by either pulling aside their G-strings for a sneak peek or pulling their G-strings up their pussies are going to give the best lap dances. In a club where pasties are required, the girls who are most creative with pasty use, the girls who use clear-plastic pasties or are constantly breaking the pasties rule, are the ones not to get the dances from. Shy on stage, shy in the lap dance room. Bet on it.

The stage is also the place where promises are made, where some girls go for the hard sell. For example, the busty dancer is on her knees and leans over to accept your contribution between her tits. She then takes the opportunity to lean in further and whisper into your ear,  “Let’s do a dance later. I wanna make you cum in your pants.”  It is very unlikely that this girl won’t follow through on her promise. She wants repeat business, not a one-timer.

Of course, sitting at the stage also gives you the opportunity to evaluate  other important aspects of the dancer:

Does she look as good up close as she did at a distance?

How’s her breath?

How does she smell?

Is she wearing perfume? This is an important consideration for everyone because nobody wants to smell bad perfume during a lap dance and for married/attached men because you don’t want to go home smelling like another woman (unless, of course, your significant other approves of your lap dance excursions). Another consideration: Is she wearing sparkles? Some strippers think they’re pretty, but those things will rub off on you during your lap dance, and they won’t come off easily. How are you going to explain sparkles in your hair to your wife/girlfriend/significant other?

Whatever it is about this dancer, find out now or risk sitting through the longest lap dance of your life. There used to be a lap dance palace in New York City called The Harmony. The place existed in many incarnations, and in one of them, there were no stage shows, just lap dances, so the whole experience was hit or miss. Well, one time, a girl who I recognized as a SCORE/Voluptuous model (no, I’m not going to name her) was there. Pretty. Exotic. Big, floppy tits. And terrible body odor. The entire lap dance was ruined by her smell, and I couldn’t wait for her to get off of me. The thing is, from a distance, I wanted nothing more than to suck on and play with her tits. But once she got on top of my cock, I couldn’t wait for her to leave.

To be continued.

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3 Comments

  • kimmy

    Great article. More guides like this for us younger guys, lol.

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  • ca united kingdom

    Is that holly brooks??

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  • Boobhound

    At my local club, the stage is in the back middle of the oval bar, and the girls walk around counter-clockwise when they’re done dancing. I always try to sit as close the first few seats as I can. Otherwise, some other clown is going to get those tits, and she might never make it to you. Also, it allows you to tip her while she’s on stage, so you can tell her right then and there what you want and that you’re interested. (I’ve learned to not take chances…don’t wait…you see what you like, GO FOR IT.)

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