We’ve been having a lot of fun lately with the “Mount Rushmore” idea. Everyone has their thoughts about who belongs on the Mount Rushmore of Big Tits or the Mount Rushmore of Readers’ Busty Wives. There’s been a lot of debate, disagreement (and agreement).
Minka, the world’s bustiest Asian ever, returns to SCORELAND today, and, damn, can this woman ever do justice to a bikini. 99.999999% of girls a third her age don’t look as good as she does in a bikini, and to think…she’s been doing this since 1994.
So, if you go to the beach this weekend, take a look around. You won’t see a single woman who’s even close to Minka.
Ashley Sage Ellison hides her porn in her cleavage.
Last week, I solicited the help of you, the reader, for topics for this week’s “Bucking Bronco.” In the least surprising news of the decade, you failed me. Miserably. Therefore, you’re stuck with the topic du jour: why the hell do we hide our porn?
Get this. Even I hide my porn.
Now wrap your minds around that for a second. I’m a 28-year-old man who works in porn. My live-in girlfriend knows exactly what I do for a living. Even my parents are fully aware that I get paid to stare at naked women for eight hours a day. And yet, when I go home at night and turn on the computer, I have to click through a half-dozen secretly named folders just to find a picture of Ashley Sage’s beautiful boobs.
I’m not joking. And when I hide my porn, I go all out. I become a fucking ninja. You’re not going to come over to my house and find some gang bang action sitting right on my computer’s desktop. No, I tuck that shit inside of a folder, which goes inside of a folder, which goes inside of another folder, all named after some fake computer software that I know nobody in their right mind would ever go looking through. I name those folders all sorts of weird shit, too: RSU_Updates, WinPRN, BBMO98. The more intense the porn, the more elaborately I name the folder.
Even your Internet browser knows you’re playing 007 with that stuff. That’s why Firefox, Chrome and every other browser give you the option to start a “Private Browsing” session. Who, exactly, was that designed for, other than people looking at porn? Have you ever been looking at CNN’s website and thought, “Man, I really wish there were a way for me to hide this from my wife…” Of course not. It’s all about hiding the porn.
And here’s the reason.
No matter how confident your girl is in your relationship, no matter how much she trusts you, there’s always going to be that chance that she finds your porn collection on the one day she’s feeling insecure. And then you’re fucked. Because, generally speaking, women don’t see things the same way men do. As men, we know that even though our sex life may be fine, we’d like to watch an Asian girl get pounded in the ass once in a while. It doesn’t necessarily mean that we wish it were us. It just means that we appreciate that someone else filmed it for our enjoyment. Hey, who are we to argue?
If a woman were to find this on a particularly a bad day, though, you better believe you’re going to be having insecure, lights-off, missionary sex for the better part of a month. Good luck with that. Of course, that’s only going to come AFTER the three-hour “What does she have that I don’t?” conversation. And don’t even act like you haven’t had that one before.
So, in order to prevent this terrible chain of events, we bury our porn like a treasure chest. It may seem dumb, but it’s a necessary part of being a man. Admit it. You do it, too. It’s not an act of cowardice, so don’t feel ashamed. It’s just smart. Because in a perfect world, you can let the boobs roam free. But here in the real world, they’ve gotta be kept a few mouse clicks away from civilization.
Feel free to share your porn-stashing secrets in the comments below. Or tell us if you’re the pornographic rebel who leaves his shit out there for the world to see. Or just call me a jerk off. Whichever you prefer.
Micky towers over Natalie Fiore and Hitomi outside an Asian restaurant in downtown Puerto Vallarta.
Looks like the jig is up. Yesterday, when revealing that Leanne Crow was one of five models who joined us for our latest on-location shoot in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico, I asked, “Can you guess who the other four models are?”
Micky enjoys margaritas. We could get drunk on Micky's cleavage.
Well, in one of today’s photos of Micky Bells (who’s obviously among the five), we get to see two more of the ladies who joined us on this trip to Mexico’s Pacific Coast. That’s Natalie Fiore on Micky’s left and Hitomi on Micky’s right. And by now, you should be getting the idea that this was one of our most talent-packed, big-boob-packed trips ever.
Reported Tushna, our studio manager, “Micky stayed up late watching the first lightning storm of the season and played skee ball with limes down her cleavage. Four limes, to be exact, all in a row.”
Skee ball…you know, the arcade game. Get the ball in the center hole and win a prize. In Micky’s case, the prize is her J-cup naturals.
By the way, Hitomi has J-cup naturals, too. And Natalie? She’s bustier than ever, which seems to be the case every time we see her. Will her boobs ever stop growing? I hope not.
Tomorrow, more of Hitomi. Natalie on Friday. And Thursday, the fifth mystery girl (unless I inadvertently reveal her before then). Stay tuned (and feel free to check us out on Twitter).
Some stylin' for the hostess before the camera rolls.
Minka fans, this DVD is an absolute must-own, and I say that as someone who’s been with SCORE since 1993. Maximum Minka is the story of the world’s biggest-chested Asian star, beginning in 1994 and concluding with her most current vid. From her first mag cover (October ’94) through three Boob Cruises and many SCORE events and projects. Model, porn star, dancer, and a racquet-whipping tennis champion as well, Minka’s career longevity is proof of her popularity and her dedication to the world of fantasy super-boobs.
Order your copy today. You’ll want to start watching it right away. It’s over three hours with lots of new, terrific footage, including home movies and Minka on the streets of South Beach, and it’s personally hosted by Minka. This is not just a bunch of scenes on a DVD. Minka spent the day at SCORE talking about her life and career, and it’s all in here.
In this excerpt from an in-depth interview with Minka on SCORELAND, the world’s #1 Asian tit-queen happily discusses her favorite oral technique for pleasing the man-staff. Since Minka’s been blowing ’em down at SCORE since 1994, she’s certainly qualified to dispense her expertise in this important department. I think Minka should be teaching sexology at a university. Even the Kinsey Institute could benefit from her knowledge and experience. I can see it now. A large classroom of two hundred rapt students listening intently to Minka lecture about tit screwing, cock blowing and fucking. I guarantee you that few classrooms and lecture circuits have hosted an instructor as exotic and skillful as Minka. There wouldn’t be a dry seat in the house. Oprah, Dr. Phil, Dr. Oz, The Doctors…they trot out these so-called sex experts who learned everything they know about sexology from textbooks and sex advice columns in free newspapers. They should be booking Minka instead. Can’t you see Minka and Oprah together on TV? I can. She’s got some huge credentials and she’s so horny. I mean Minka; I don’t know about Oprah. Roll the videotape!
SCORELAND has a wild weekend ahead. How big are your hands? Can they hold F-cups? What about G-cups? J-cups?
Natalie Fiore.
Natalie Fiore quickly returns because no one can get enough of the “new” Natalie. Her tits have grown, you know. This weekend, we’ve got Miss Fiore in a sultry, sexy video shot on location in Europe. She has a way of speaking to the camera while she’s touching her tits and pussy that makes you feel as if she were talking directly to you. The way she’s going, Natalie could help usher in a new era of U.S.-France diplomacy. We’re in talks with Sarkozy now about it.
And then there’s Renee Ross from the December ’09 edition of SCORE. I chose this shot because it dramatizes how Renee’s tits threaten to spill out over the top of her old-fashioned bustier, the way the waves from Hurricane Katrina demolished the levees in Louisiana. Hey there, Renee! We know you’re reading this! How are ya?
Renee Ross.
Also from December ’09 SCORE, Alana Anderson is a creamy new bra buster who one of our model recruiters found on a webcam. Alana has a pair of ultra-prominent, delectable nipples. One look at these spigots and a guy feels compelled to suck on them hard. Alana’s in a SCORE Theater video on Sunday, her first for us, and her pictorial is posting on Monday. In one video segment that won’t leave you dry, Alanna squeezes her tits to squirt out milk. Raincoats were made for this.
Alana Anderson.
And finally, Kiko Lee performs horny Asian magic on a cock in SCORE Theater in a nasty new video with matching photos. But first she does one of her exotic dance routines on a table top as a warm-up. I chose this picture since there’s been a nut-sucking poll on the BLOG this week. You can see that Kiko has that ball-sucking magic, plus I love her wide, pancake areolae, a rare gift from the boob goddesses. Kiko has dedicated herself to Geisha-style man-pleasing. For that, I forgive her for once blowing Ron Jeremy and Pete Rose (not at the same time.)
Kiko Lee
They’ll keep your hands full this weekend, for sure.
Kali West recently did a tits & tugs while eight-months knocked-up. SaRenna Lee’s first SCORE cover (Dec. ’93) focused on her face not her chest, and some magazine store clerks placed it next to Sports Illustrated. Debuting as a covergirl in Nov. ’92, Candy Cantaloupes only modeled and danced for four years. Jade Feng spends a lot of time in her kitchen preparing Asian dishes because she says she’s hot for cookin’. Nicole Peters’ favorite band is Death Cab For Cutie. Boob-Man G.L. wrote, “Nicole is my all-time favorite. I have been a fan of big-busted models for twenty years and I tell you that she is the best looking, best built of anyone I have ever seen!” Paraguayan-born Cynthia Romero no longer models and relocated to Europe. Jade Parker stars in K-JUGS with Rene Ross, Samantha 38G, Reyna Mae, Brandy Ryder and Bailey Santanna. It’s being released next week.
Good afternoon, folks. I’m Adam and I’ll be steering the ship of masturbatory celebration today. I know change is scary, but I have the utmost confidence that you all can survive a few hours without flirting with Maria or belittling Dave. I’m not saying it’ll be easy, but I think if we really give it a shot, we can make it through this one together.
Do you trust me? Good. Then follow along.
They say the eyes are the gateway to a man’s soul. I’d say that statement is absolutely correct.
According to Google, in 2009, you jackals were more interested in porn than both Barack Obama and the New York Yankees…combined. But what does it all mean?
It means that if the eyes are the gateway to a man’s soul, then his soul is a majestic land of threesomes and anal sex. Because, clearly, that’s all his eyes have been staring at these past 365 days.
And that’s why I’m here. To peer into your soul. To shine my flashlight on your late-night masturbation sessions. To peek in your window while you’re nailing the drunk girl from the bar. I’m here to bridge the gap between your world and the porn world. Hopefully, by the time I’m done with you, we’ll all understand one simple fact: you, me, the porn star you were jerking off to in that other browser window…we’re not really all that different, after all. Well, maybe she is. But not you and I.
Welcome to The Bucking Bronco, where we’ll take a look at the lighter side of some of life’s most private moments.
This week’s topic: Performing the perfect jerk.
Remember when you were younger and lived with your parents? Do you remember exactly how hard it was to sneak in a good jerk; listening like a fucking hawk because you never quite knew when your mother would bust down your bedroom door, like S.W.A.T., for no apparent reason? Whenever my mom would come to tell me dinner was ready, it always felt like she was auditioning for The A-Team. I never understood why she couldn’t just knock. Luckily, that all changes when you get older. Once you live on your own, you’ll jerk off right at the dinner table if that’s when the mood strikes. There is no greater sexual liberation than moving out of your parents’ house.
It should go without saying, then, that having your own place is the only way to perform the perfect jerk.
Ideally, it takes place early in the morning, on a day when you have nothing else to do. Maybe you’re sitting at the computer, maybe you’re making breakfast, but out of nowhere, you get that undeniable itch. DO NOT IGNORE THIS. IT IS YOUR CIVIC DUTY TO SCRATCH THAT ITCH. This is about the point where you move your laptop and the baby oil to the coffee table so you can lie naked, watching that Asian girl with the huge boobs get double-teamed, from the comfort of your couch. Normally, you would look around to make sure the blinds are closed and the volume on the computer is low, but this is the perfect jerk, so these things are of no concern to you. You’re on a mission. You apply the baby oil liberally and proceed to grunt and talk dirty to the inanimate piece of technology in front of you. Did you just ask your computer if it “liked that big dick?” Fuck. Yes. You did. Be proud.
After about 10 minutes, it’s time for the party to end. But you’re not about to bust into a sock or a paper towel. No fucking way. When you’re in the middle of the perfect jerk, the last thing on your mind is cleanliness. Instead, you just wail away at yourself until you shoot rope after rope through the air and across your stomach and chest, hoping your body acts as a human shield. If done successfully, you should be able to stand up, walk to the bathroom, rinse off and grab a sandwich before your post-jerk nap. For the life of me, I can’t tell you why, but turkey is considerably more tasty in the minutes just after you’ve finished strong-arming yourself. Trust me. It’s science.
So there you have it. The blueprints for the perfect jerk. Some of you already know exactly what I’m talking about. Those of you who don’t, I suggest you take the time to try it out this weekend. And don’t forget the barbeque sauce. (On the sandwich, of course. Well, unless you’re into that sort of thing.) You’ll thank me later.
Ha! I said it was only a matter of time before I got to chat with Kelly Shibari, and I was right! I stormed into our studio today and basically stole Kelly from her sit-down interview with our XL Girls editor, Allie Q. (Sorry, Allie!)
Why did I do that?
Well, ever since someone commented that I look like Ms. Shibari, everyone in the office has been calling me Kelly. So I thought it would be fun to talk with her, and yes, I wanted to see her tits in person…and I did! Lester, our video editor, played cameraman while I chatted with Kelly and subsequently almost fell when the wood floor I was standing on split open and swallowed my high heel! lol Kelly was a great sport, teaching me how to talk dirty in Japanese and letting me rest my head on her tits, too. (I fucking LOVE laying my noggin on a pair of big tits. Pillow tits are my place of comfort.)
Check out the video below of my first encounter with my Asian “twin.” LOL!
Asia Carrera licked and sucked the famous giant boobs of the bustiest Asian woman in the world, Minka. And then they went below the belt. Photographed in January of 1996, Minka and Asia played with toys in the unedited video that goes with this photo shoot. The pictures have no toy play in keeping with the print magazine distribution policies of that time. (In some countries, even exposed pussy is still censored today.)
SCOREClassics.com offers videos digitized straight off the master tapes without added music and edits. All of the bloopers, retakes, phones ringing, the director’s voice and everything that an editor would normally cut or erase are kept in the SCOREClassics videos. In the 1990s, big, heavy Beta tape cameras were used. Today’s videographers have it easy.
Most of you know that Minka is still very active today. Asia began in porn in 1993 and retired in 2003 after a very busy career (over 400 videos!). She still runs her website but said her time in porn is long over. Asia is also a musician and a member of MENSA with an I.Q. of 156.
