So Cold, Part 2: Ice Cream
Sometimes, you can have the main course and dessert at the same time. Bring some sweet treats into the bedroom and use them on your sweetie!
Arianna demonstrates how to eat an ice cream cone without using your hands.
Kerry Marie is a messy eater. That just means you need to help her by licking it off.
Yesterday, we took a trip to the frozen tundra…and by frozen tundra, I mean we talked about thermal play, AKA using ice in the bedroom to stimulate your lady during foreplay so that she would be more inclined to put your snowballs in her mouth.
What? That’s exactly what I meant by frozen tundra.
Today, we are going to talk about the thing that makes everybody scream.
ICE CREAM!
Ice cream is delicious and a nice frozen treat.
It is also very, very, very fucking hot when paired with a set of DSLs. (That’s dick sucking lips for those of you not in the know.)
And when you apply ice cream to a ripe pair of tits, well, that’s just like dessert for your dick, dontcha think?
But we should talk about using ice cream during sex because there are some rules and tips that will keep your food play as play and not a mess that will make your dick limper than overcooked asparagus.
- First of all, like we discussed in yesterday’s post about thermal play, when it comes to using ice cream in the bedroom, less if more. I repeat: LESS IS MORE. Don’t go in there and dump an entire tub of ice cream on your girlfriend’s pussy and expect things to remain sexy. I suggest a couple of spoonfuls, max. You are trying to keep it sexy. Your lady lover is neither a bowl nor one of those cold marble slabs from Coldstone Ice Cream. Do not coat her in ice cream.
- Also, remember that unlike our ice play, when ice cream melts, it is messy as fuck. And I am not talking about the good kind of fucking messy. I am talking about a kind of sticky unsexiness that will never be good. You don’t want this melted ice cream all over your bed, your carpet and your walls. So, I suggest you keep this play to the kitchen areas or even outdoors. Stuffing a Popsicle in a woman’s pussy, outside on a hot summer day…well that can be quite pleasant.
- That brings us to DAIRY-BASED ice cream versus NON-DAIRY ICE CREAM. Okay, here is the truth: Dairy-based ice creams or dairy-based ANYTHING will start to smell bad after a few hours, so you NEVER want to play with ice cream and then conveniently pass out into a post-orgasm coma. You will wake up and smell like rotten milk. No one wants to be naked and smell like rotten milk, I fucking promise you. Fruit-based, non-dairy ice creams and Popsicles will be as messy and sticky but won’t make you smell like a decaying cow afterwards. Just an FYI.
- This last pointer is pretty much common sense but I am going to throw it in here because I know someone this happened to and I want to spare you the embarrassment. Heed my warning unless you are into your friends making fun of you for years, then by all means do whatever you will. Okay…so you should probably make sure that both you and your partner in this foodie fuck fest are not Lactose Intolerant. I know, by now most of you know whether or not you can handle dairy, but if you don’t know, find out. If you don’t know and you eat a lot of ice cream and then proceed to have what we will politely refer to here as “bubble guts” and “mud ass” halfway through your epic sexual performance…YOUR FRIENDS WILL MAKE FUN OF YOU. WOMEN WILL TALK ABOUT YOU AS A PUNCHLINE. YOUR FUCK STOCK WILL PLUMMET! Okay? You’re welcome.
And there you have it. So Cold, Part 2: Ice Cream.
Now if you will excuse me, I am going to go chase down the ice cream man and get myself a Creamsicle.
Tune in tomorrow for the final chapter in our exploration of all things ice…So Cold, Part 3: Snow.
xoxo
Maria
