February 15, 2016 by Elliot James
This is a man who knows how to do his homework. The girl he's studying is Alyssa Lynn.
We’ve all had them: lousy fucking lap dances. Lap dances that turn your cock into soft tissue. The chick grinds too hard (ouch!) or not at all (blue balls!). She pushes your hand away when you try to touch her tits or grab her ass. She’s completely disinterested in you. She’s just working, and you’re just another sucker. You’re halfway through the first dance, and you can’t wait for the song to end so you can get her off your lap.
Of course, we’ve all had great lap dances, too. Dances you didn’t want to end. Dancers who were so good, you tried as hard as possible to keep from popping in your pants so the dance could last longer. Lap dances that were better than sex.
Nobody wants a bad lap dance. We all want to have a good time and get off. But how can we be certain that the next time we tuck our hard-earned cash into a dancer’s garter, heaven awaits?
Fortunately, there are ways to assure the perfect lap dance. We know. The two writers of this story have been getting lap dances for a combined 60 years, and we want to share our knowledge. It’s “The Uncensored Guide to Lap Dancing.” No bullshit. We’ve divided this special report into three sections: “Do Your Homework” “Rules of the Room” and “Lap Dance Etiquette.”
Ignore one or more of these sections at your own peril. Read ’em all, digest ’em and you’re on your way to lap dance nirvana.
DO YOUR HOMEWORK!
Or, don’t lap the first dancer you see
Your quest for the perfect lap dance begins before you walk into the club. That’s because your quest for the perfect lap dance begins or ends with what club you pick for your evening’s entertainment.
Looking for a great lap dance? Do not go to clubs with lots of customers and fast-paced action. You want to go to a club where the girls have few choices in men and want to make money. These are the girls who will work for your cash. So, that new club down the street, the one with the fancy, neon signs, doormen and valet parkers out front? Stay away. The neighborhood club down the street? That’s where you want to be. New in town or not sure? You might want to check out The Ultimate Strip Club List (tuscl.com).
If possible, avoid walking into a club during the busiest hours of the day, like Friday and Saturday nights and after work gets out at five p.m. Walk into a strip bar three o’clock on a weekday afternoon and you’ll have dancers circling you like sharks.
But don’t let them take a bite out of you. Not yet! Because by the time your dancer of choice plops down into your lap and starts grinding her hips, it’s too late. Your lap dance fate has been sealed…even if you don’t know it yet.
Why? Well, face it. The only thing you know about her is what she looks like, and that’s not enough. You have no idea whether she’s a good lap dancer or a total dud. You have no idea whether you’re going to get bang for your buck or just a limp dick. You haven’t done your homework, and in lap dancing, as in any other worthwhile endeavor in life, you have to do your homework. Fortunately, this is one of the rare areas of life in which doing homework is fun.
So, you walk into the club, and you’ve barely reached the bar when a drop-dead gorgeous chick with huge tits, wearing just a tiny bra-and-G-string getup, walks up to you and asks you if you’d like a dance. Or she asks you if you’d like some company. Or you’re already sitting and she points to the empty stool next to you and says, “Mind if I sit here?”
Now, listen, both you and I know that it would be rude for you to say, “Yes. I do mind if you sit there.” The fact is, she can sit wherever the hell she wants. But what she means is, “Mind if I sit here so you can buy me a ridiculously overpriced drink”–drinks for the dancers almost always cost a lot more than drinks for the patrons–”and talk you into a lap dance?” That’s what she really means.
Because remember the first rule of lap dancers: They don’t give a shit about your problems or your personal life. They have no interest in sitting there and talking to you unless they think you’re a good investment.
This is followed by rule No. 2, which reads, “Dancers are very good at acting like they do give a shit about your problems and your personal life.” It’s what strippers are best at. It’s what they do for a living.
I’m not trying to burst your bubble or anything like that. I’m just trying to give you the facts. I’m trying to save you heartache, heartbreak and money.
So, the correct answer to “Mind if I sit here?” is, “I just got here so I’m just going to hang out and check it out for a while.” She’ll interpret that as, “Yes, I do mind if you sit here,” but she’ll appreciate that you said it in a polite way. She’ll also say something like, “Okay. I’ll come back and check on you later.”
Now, some of you might be thinking, “Asshole, what did you do? You sent away a gorgeous chick with big tits!”
Relax! Sit down at the bar. You can hook up with the gorgeous chick with big tits later, after you’ve done your homework.
To be continued.
February 14, 2016 by Elliot James
Lila Payne is a beautiful and voluptuous Australian with fantastic, big natural boobs. She makes her debut today at SCORELAND and is only the second model from Australia that we’ve filmed over the past 24 years. Consider Lila the ultimate Valentine’s Day gift and prepare to fall in love.
Meet Lila Payne, Valentine's Day dream girl.
February 13, 2016 by Elliot James
“I like to watch my scenes,” says Anastasia Lux, the all-natural, voluptuously-endowed superbabe.
“It turns me on and I always like to keep a good memory of them plus I learn from them, too, to do it even better next time.”
Anastasia will be watching her new XXX hardcore scene with pool man Steve as they heat up that pool.
Steve lets her handle his pool pole but Anastasia really wants to handle his pocket pole and her gestures and eye-banging let Steve know he’s in for the greatest pool party a man could ever get!
Anastasia primes Steve's pump.
February 12, 2016 by Elliot James
That sauna's going to get a lot hotter.
It’s the Dolly Fox show at SCORELAND with a new scene plus a second bonus video.
Dolly’s also the covergirl for the new DVD SCORE Girls.
How could a sauna get any hotter than it already is?
Just have Dolly walk into it.
“I like the attention from men and woman and it’s also much fun to do,” Dolly told me. “They always say that you have the best job when it doesn’t feel like working, and that’s what I found in modeling. With the start of my professional modeling, I photograph myself at home, too, just to be naughty.”
Writes Peter, “I would love to see her and Sandra Star in a shoot. It would be like Daphne Rosen and Morgan Leigh all over again.”
And Seth says, “This model kills it. Many have said it very well: She kills clothes, she is arrestingly hot with poses and camera confidence and charisma that is a total turn on…so hot and I am way hopeful she has many amazing shoots with TSG.”
February 7, 2016 by Elliot James
"Thirty-two double-M. Mmmmm good!" Tiggle declared. She said a mouthful.
“I broke into modeling through camming, and one of my fans told me about you,” said Tiggle Bitties. That was Sean, who comments often on the Blog and is a SCORELAND and XLGirls regular.
Tiggle is as much of a boob lover as any guy who’s a total tit fanatic. “I’ll be looking at a picture of me, and I’m like, ‘Wow! I can’t believe those are mine!’”
Tiggle’s latest scene, “Tig’s Titillatin’ Tits,” starts today, and it’s a boobapalooza. Tiggle wiggles, she jiggles, she giggles. When it comes to nipple self-sucking, Tiggle is a Boob-fu master. She can suck and hold hands-free. Very few can do that. Sarah Rae, for one.
SCORELAND member Ploaf commented on a previous Tiggle scene, “The thing that makes SCORE great, aside from the insanely beautiful and busty models, are the solo sets. When every site on the net is selling Bangbus- and Redtube-style crap, SCORE is one of the very few places where I can see gorgeous models just doing sexy pictorials.”
Tiggle’s first SCORE pictorial is in the April 2016 edition, and she’s the covergirl of May 2016 Voluptuous.
February 6, 2016 by Elliot James
The wild, wild west is still wild.
Eager man-pleaser Holly Wood is a good girl from California. She found her calling in Nevada at a place called the Moonlite Bunny Ranch. It’s not a dude ranch. Well, maybe it is. It’s a place where guys, and women, too, can play out their fantasies or just get some good, old-fashioned yee-hah fuckin’. The HBO show Cathouse was shot there. Holly has the most T&A at the Ranch. Because of that bubble butt, Holly also did a scene for BootyLiciousmag.com.
“I can tie a knot in a cherry stem with my tongue,” says Holly. “I can be whatever a guy wants me to be. I can never get enough sex. Nothing makes me tremble and moan more than having my pussy licked. I usually end up naked and bent over furniture. Nothing is better than a guy who knows what he’s doing in the bedroom.”
Get another eyeful of Holly today at SCORELAND.
Holly Wood: Ready for spankin'.
February 5, 2016 by Dave
Micky's a traffic stopper in Prague.
1. Just stare.
2. Walk on past her while grabbing a sneak peek.
3. Create an excuse to ask her directions.
4. Man up, introduce yourself and strike up a conversation with her.
Or maybe something else?
Micky, pregnant and bustier than ever, returns to SCORELAND today.
February 4, 2016 by Dave
Daphne's milking Carlos for another buck or two.
I’m sure most of you have gotten a blow job or a tug job in the front or back seat of your car.
What makes this different is that here, Daphne Rosen is a hooker. Carlos just picked her up. She got into his car. Then she took out his cock and sucked and jacked it.
We take a look at the highly jackable world of busty hookers today at SCORELAND. It’s nothing like Hookers At The Point, the HBO documentary series. That show turned the cameras away when the going got good. We move in closer for a better look.
Later in Daphne’s scene, she gets ass-fucked. That’s something most hookers don’t do. Anal sex, I mean. I’ve never even had a hooker offer me anal.
Not that I’ve ever had a conversation with a hooker.
Gotta go now. I just got struck by lightning.
February 2, 2016 by Dave
Danni Lynne has a cock in her pussy. That's why she's grabbing her breast. Some girls do that when they're cumming.
Danni Lynne sports a different look in her first SCORELAND hardcore scene today. Previously, she looked a little like actress Pam Grier. Now, she looks like…I’m not sure who she looks like. She looks like herself. Oddly, she doesn’t look like circa 1970s Pam Grier. Danni looks like Pam Grier only when she has straight hair.
Okay, let’s get focused here. Let’s focus on Danni’s beautiful face and huge tits. When you watch her scene, you’ll focus on her sucking cock and getting fucked.
Enjoy.
January 30, 2016 by Dave
Allie's having a good time. She wants you to have a good time.
This photo is actually from near the end of Allie Pearson’s first scene with a guy, at XLGirls.com. At this point, Allie has already jacked the cock. She’s tit-fucked the cock. And she’s sucked the cock. The cock is about to deposit cum all over Allie’s huge naturals and pretty face.
Allie’s arrival was one of the big big-tit stories of 2015. Her tit-fuck/cock-suck debut is, so far, the biggest story of 2016.
What will she do next? Is all-the-way XXX in her future? I think it is. So far, she hasn’t done it. But I think she will.
This weekend at SCORELAND: Roxi Red and her giant hooters and the debut of Danni Lynne.
