Why do women wear too-tight bras?
Why is Sharday wearing this too-tight, too-small bra? Because we asked her to.
I’m just wondering…us guys…do we just not get it?
Or is it women that just don’t get it?
“Why don’t you write about tight bras?” Maria yelled out to me a little while ago.
“You mean that when a woman is wearing a tight bra, she’s trying to hide her boobs?”
Maria looked at me like I was crazy. I don’t think I’m crazy. I think I’m right about this.
“Women do not wear tight bras to hide their boobs,” Maria said.
“Then why do they wear them?” I asked.
“Why would a woman intentionally wear a bra that makes it look like she has four boobs?” Maria said. “Most women wear tight bras beause their boobs have gone saggy and they’re trying to lift then and bring them back to attention, but gravity has taken its toll on their titties, so their draggy titties need to be in a full-support bra. These demi-cup, too-tight bras…all they do is make a woman look like she has four titties.”
“I disagree,” I said, but by this time, Maria was on a roll.
“She’s not trying to hide those tits in a tiny bra,” she said. “That’s like trying to hide a 500-pound man behind little tiny rocks. If she wanted to hide her big boobs, she’d put them in a big bra.”
Ah-ha! That’s where I thought I had her.
“A big bra is going to make boobs look bigger under a shirt,” I said.
“The big bra is going to make them look full but contained,” Maria retorted.
So I thought about this. Is Maria right? Are girls who wear too-tight bras trying to make up for saggy tits?
Well, there’s a girl who works at a kiosk in a nearby mall. She’s short and stacked. Very stacked. She wears too-tight bras all the time, and I was convinced for the longest time that she was wearing too-tight bras to hide the fact that she has big tits (something my boob radar detected the first second I saw her).
But then, one day, I saw her wearing a T-shirt that said, “My eyes are up here.” That T-shirt is basically code for, “Look at my tits.” (I don’t think even Maria will disagree with that assessment). Another time, she was wearing a T-shirt that said, “Look but don’t touch,” which, of course, means, “Look at my big tits.” So this too-tight-bra wearing MKG (Mall Kiosk Girl) is obviously not trying to hide her tits.
But does that mean she has saggy tits? Damn, I hope not. I think she has huge tits and is proud of them…but not so proud of them that she wants to cause a scene every time she goes out in public.
Here at SCORELAND, we sometimes put girls in too-tight bras because we like to watch their cleavage spill all over the place. But when we want them to look good in sweaters, we dress their tits in properly-fitted bras. Why? Because if you put a girl in a too-tight bra then have her wear something over it, like a sweater or a T-shirt, she looks less busty. Because too-tight bras mash down big tits. When you mash something, it gets flatter and looks smaller. Then, if the girl wears a dark shirt, you can barely tell she has tits at all. Unless you have boob radar.
Go ahead, Maria. Disagree with me. But it’s one thing to have read the owner’s manual. It’s another thing to have written it.