April 8, 2014 by Elliot James
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Ines Cudna’s got the beat.
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Remember Heidi Hooters?
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Melissa Manning and the bongos.
According to a poll we ran at SCORELAND, the favorite slang words for breasts are:
Tits: 51%
Boobs: 37%
Jugs: 3%
Knockers: 2%
Hooters: 1%
Nothing listed here: 5%
Sometimes a word can be symbolized by a photo, like these bongo shots. Some additional terms of endearment: Baps, bazookas, bazongas, bazooms, bongos, breastesses, bristols, bumpers, cans, cantaloupes, coconuts, cupcakes, gazongas, hangers headlights, hills, mams, melons, mounds, mountains, naughty pillows, norks, peaks, puppies, sweater meat, ta-tas, tiggobitties, the girls, the twins, torpedoes, twin peaks, yabos and ying-yangs.
What’s the word you use most?
November 30, 2013 by Elliot James
Since this is a heavy eating weekend in the United States and for Americans around the globe, this is the right time for a Blog story about: Breastaurants.
Breastaurants: You may know ’em, you probably love ’em if you’re a SCORELAND Blog reader.
They have big-screen TVs set to sports channels and bar-style food and beer served by pretty girls wearing sexy, skimpy, tight outfits. A brilliant concept if the right girls are interested in being servers, and they clearly are judging by how easily the breastaurants find their many employees.
The word breastaurant went big about five years ago and has stuck, said the southwest bureau chief of the trade publication Nation’s Restaurant News. “Some of the brands are trying to get away from it because it has a connotation of sex, but that’s basically what the category is selling.”
The first and original breastaurant was Hooters. Now there is a slew of imitators making bank. Hooters alone made $858-million in 2012, and its closest competitor, Tilted Kilt, took in $123-million. The managers don’t interview waitresses. They audition them.
Here’s my breastaurant rundown of the most well-known names. It seems to me that they’re good places to find potential SCORE models, although my local Hooters didn’t have any waitresses even as busty as the smallest-chested SCORE Girls. I was ready to hand out the SCOREModelsWanted.com business card.
Hooters: Hot girls in their traditional orange booty shorts and chicken wings.
Twin Peaks: Trains its scantily clad girls to touch the table in a sales technique called “touchnology.”
The Heart Attack Grill: The waitresses dress like nurses and serve the world’s greasiest, fattiest food. Criticized by medical professionals.
The Tilted Kilt: The girls wear short, plaid kilts, white socks and belly-baring tops. Hoot-er, mon!
Mugs N Jugs: beer specialists in tight, black tank tops.
Red Neck Heaven: Texas-style tube tops and denim cut-offs. Think Daisy from Dukes of Hazzard.
The CANZaciti Roadhouse: They show more skin than a chicken wing.
Bikinis Sports Bar and Grill: Exactly. The skimpier the bikini the more you drink.
Wowies Sports Bar and Grill: Florida girls in skin-tight tank tops and camel-toe yoga pants.
Show-Me’s: White tank tops, pink camel-toe booty shorts and chicken wings in the mid-west.
Stacked Burgers: Created by three ex-jocks. The girls wear denim shorts and the usual tank tops.
Bone Daddy’s: You have a dirty mind. The girls serve in the standard two-piece hottie uniforms.
Cheerleaders Sports Bar and Grill: Yes, and sometimes they do bikini car washes.
The question is, who can eat and drink with a boner?
Want breasts with those chicken wings?
February 26, 2013 by Elliot James
Boobs are always trendy.
After Seth MacFarlane brought big boobs to the Academy Awards ceremony, the first 25 pages of Google search were dominated by the public’s and media’s reaction to his song and dance number, “We Saw Your Boobs.”
“We Saw Your Boobs” is not a song here, of course. It’s a way of life. Actually, “Show us your boobs” was the line we used to say on the Boob Cruises.
I’m happy for Seth, but my favorite song still remains Rodney Carrington’s “Titties and Beer.” This song is built into the Jingle Jugs trophy rack, a nifty item that’s just the thing to play for your mother-in-law when she visits.
Another boob trend that’s trending is giving away a boob job as a contest prize. This is also getting a mix of yeas and nays from the populace. Philadelphia radio station Q102 and a clinic are giving away a free breast augmentation to a lucky winner. This seems to be a popular radio station giveaway as they try to attract more female listeners.
A bar owner in Des Moines, Iowa gave away $3,000 gift certificates for a boob job at his three bars this past Mardi Gras. Boob job contests are also held in Buffalo, Tampa and at a lot of other bars around the USA.
The “breasturant” industry, if you can call it that, will be getting a little more crowded as a chain called Twin Peaks spreads its, uh, wings, joining Hooters as another fine dining establishment featuring waitresses in titty-tops. More power to them even though I don’t like chicken wings.
A Twin Peaks is opening in Florida, but it’s going to be too far away for us SCORE lunchers. But experience tells me not to expect the next SCORE covergirl in these places. I’ve never seen a really busty Hooters Girl. By SCORE requirements.
And wrapping up my boob trending studies, I have to mention the best name I’ve seen in a while. She’s a 20 year-old Brit from the TV show Celebrity Big Brother. Her name is Lacey Banghard. That’s her real name. Unfortunately, Lacey got the boot from the Big Brother house by coldhearted voters last month, but I have no doubt she will continue to trend in the news for a long time.
Janet Jade was not the model for Jingle Jugs.
