Categories for Life With Big Tits

The Uncensored Guide to Lap Dancing: Part One

February 15, 2016 by Elliot James 4 Comments
Getting the perfect lap dance takes some preparation. Here are the tools to achieve it.

This is a man who knows how to do his homework. The girl he's studying is Alyssa Lynn.

We’ve all had them: lousy fucking lap dances. Lap dances that turn your cock into soft tissue. The chick grinds too hard (ouch!) or not at all (blue balls!). She pushes your hand away when you try to touch her tits or grab her ass. She’s completely disinterested in you. She’s just working, and you’re just another sucker. You’re halfway through the first dance, and you can’t wait for the song to end so you can get her off your lap.

Of course, we’ve all had great lap dances, too. Dances you didn’t want to end. Dancers who were so good, you tried as hard as possible to keep from popping in your pants so the dance could last longer. Lap dances that were better than sex.

Nobody wants a bad lap dance. We all want to have a good time and get off. But how can we be certain that the next time we tuck our hard-earned cash into a dancer’s garter, heaven awaits?

Fortunately, there are ways to assure the perfect lap dance. We know. The two writers of this story have been getting lap dances for a combined 60 years, and we want to share our knowledge. It’s “The Uncensored Guide to Lap Dancing.” No bullshit. We’ve divided this special report into three sections: “Do Your Homework” “Rules of the Room” and “Lap Dance Etiquette.”

Ignore one or more of these sections at your own peril. Read ’em all, digest ’em and you’re on your way to lap dance nirvana.

DO YOUR HOMEWORK!

Or, don’t lap the first dancer you see

Your quest for the perfect lap dance begins before you walk into the club. That’s because your quest for the perfect lap dance begins or ends with what club you pick for your evening’s entertainment.

Looking for a great lap dance? Do not go to clubs with lots of customers and fast-paced action. You want to go to a club where the girls have few choices in men and want to make money. These are the girls who will work for your cash. So, that new club down the street, the one with the fancy, neon signs, doormen and valet parkers out front? Stay away. The neighborhood club down the street? That’s where you want to be. New in town or not sure? You might want to check out The Ultimate Strip Club List (tuscl.com).

If possible, avoid walking into a club during the busiest hours of the day, like Friday and Saturday nights and after work gets out at five p.m. Walk into a strip bar three o’clock on a weekday afternoon and you’ll have dancers circling you like sharks.

But don’t let them take a bite out of you. Not yet! Because by the time your dancer of choice plops down into your lap and starts grinding her hips, it’s too late. Your lap dance fate has been sealed…even if you don’t know it yet.

Why? Well, face it. The only thing you know about her is what she looks like, and that’s not enough. You have no idea whether  she’s a good lap dancer or a total dud. You have no idea whether you’re going to get bang for your buck or just a limp dick. You haven’t done your homework, and in lap dancing, as in any other worthwhile  endeavor in life, you have to do your homework. Fortunately, this is one of the rare areas of life in which doing homework is fun.

So, you walk into the club, and you’ve barely reached the bar when a drop-dead gorgeous chick with huge tits, wearing just a tiny bra-and-G-string getup, walks up to you and asks you if you’d like a dance. Or she asks you if you’d like some company. Or you’re already sitting and she points to the empty stool next to you and says, “Mind if I sit here?”

Now, listen, both you and I know that it would be rude for you to say, “Yes. I do mind if you sit there.” The fact is, she can sit wherever the hell she wants.  But what she means is, “Mind if I sit here so you can buy me a ridiculously overpriced drink”–drinks for the dancers almost always cost a lot more than drinks for the patrons–”and talk you into a lap dance?” That’s what she really means.

Because remember the first rule of lap dancers: They don’t give a shit about your problems or your personal life. They have no interest in sitting there and talking to you unless they think you’re a good investment.

This is followed by rule No. 2, which reads, “Dancers are very good at acting like they do give a shit about your problems and your personal life.” It’s what strippers are best at. It’s what they do for a living.

I’m not trying to burst your bubble or anything like that. I’m just trying to give you the facts. I’m trying to save you heartache, heartbreak and money.

So, the correct answer  to “Mind if I sit here?” is, “I just got here so I’m just going to hang out and check it out for a while.” She’ll interpret that as, “Yes, I do mind if you sit here,” but she’ll appreciate that you said it in a polite way. She’ll also say something like, “Okay. I’ll come back and check on you later.”

Now, some of you might be thinking, “Asshole, what did you do? You sent away a gorgeous chick with big tits!”

Relax! Sit down at the bar. You can hook up with the gorgeous chick with big tits later, after you’ve done your homework.

To be continued.

VN:F [1.9.13_1145]
Rating: 0.0/5

Lila Payne is your gain! First time at SCORELAND

February 14, 2016 by Elliot James 24 Comments

Lila Payne is a beautiful and voluptuous Australian with fantastic, big natural boobs. She makes her debut today at SCORELAND and is only the second model from Australia that we’ve filmed over the past 24 years. Consider Lila the ultimate Valentine’s Day gift and prepare to fall in love.

Meet Lila Payne, Valentine's Day dream girl.

VN:F [1.9.13_1145]
Rating: 0.0/5

New at SCORELAND: The Dolly Fox Report

February 12, 2016 by Elliot James 11 Comments

That sauna's going to get a lot hotter.

It’s the Dolly Fox show at SCORELAND with a new scene plus a second bonus video.

Dolly’s also the covergirl for the new DVD SCORE Girls.

How could a sauna get any hotter than it already is?

Just have Dolly walk into it.

“I like the attention from men and woman and it’s also much fun to do,” Dolly told me. “They always say that you have the best job when it doesn’t feel like working, and that’s what I found in modeling. With the start of my professional modeling, I photograph myself at home, too, just to be naughty.”

Writes Peter, “I would love to see her and Sandra Star in a shoot. It would be like Daphne Rosen and Morgan Leigh all over again.”

And Seth says, “This model kills it. Many have said it very well: She kills clothes, she is arrestingly hot with poses and camera confidence and charisma that is a total turn on…so hot and I am way hopeful she has many amazing shoots with TSG.”

 

VN:F [1.9.13_1145]
Rating: 5.0/5

Tig’s Titillatin’ Tits: Tiggle Bitties plays with her big ole titties at SCORELAND

February 7, 2016 by Elliot James 10 Comments

"Thirty-two double-M. Mmmmm good!" Tiggle declared. She said a mouthful.

“I broke into modeling through camming, and one of my fans told me about you,” said Tiggle Bitties. That was Sean, who comments often on the Blog and is a SCORELAND and XLGirls regular.

Tiggle is as much of a boob lover as any guy who’s a total tit fanatic. “I’ll be looking at a picture of me, and I’m like, ‘Wow! I can’t believe those are mine!’”

Tiggle’s latest scene, “Tig’s Titillatin’ Tits,” starts today, and it’s a boobapalooza. Tiggle wiggles, she jiggles, she giggles. When it comes to nipple self-sucking, Tiggle is a Boob-fu master. She can suck and hold hands-free. Very few can do that. Sarah Rae, for one.

SCORELAND member Ploaf commented on a previous Tiggle scene, “The thing that makes SCORE great, aside from the insanely beautiful and busty models, are the solo sets. When every site on the net is selling Bangbus- and Redtube-style crap, SCORE is one of the very few places where I can see gorgeous models just doing sexy pictorials.”

Tiggle’s first SCORE pictorial is in the April 2016 edition, and she’s the covergirl of May 2016 Voluptuous.

VN:F [1.9.13_1145]
Rating: 5.0/5

Wood nymph

February 6, 2016 by Elliot James 11 Comments

The wild, wild west is still wild.

Eager man-pleaser Holly Wood is a good girl from California. She found her calling in Nevada at a place called the Moonlite Bunny Ranch. It’s not a dude ranch. Well, maybe it is. It’s a place where guys, and women, too, can play out their fantasies or just get some good, old-fashioned yee-hah fuckin’. The HBO show Cathouse was shot there. Holly has the most T&A at the Ranch. Because of that bubble butt, Holly also did a scene for BootyLiciousmag.com.

“I can tie a knot in a cherry stem with my tongue,” says Holly. “I can be whatever a guy wants me to be. I can never get enough sex. Nothing makes me tremble and moan more than having my pussy licked. I usually end up naked and bent over furniture. Nothing is better than a guy who knows what he’s doing in the bedroom.”

Get another eyeful of Holly today at SCORELAND.

Holly Wood: Ready for spankin'.

 

VN:F [1.9.13_1145]
Rating: 5.0/5

The big ole titties of Tiggle Bitties

January 22, 2016 by Elliot James 6 Comments

This may be a first. No model has ever said that she motorboats her own big boobs. Maybe Dave remembers someone who’s said that.

“I actually sometimes find myself motor-boating myself at home or just laying my head down in my boobs. They’re so big and soft,” Tiggle Bitties said when she visited the SCORE studio.

The evils of boob prejudice didn’t dissuade Tiggle from baring her bodacious bod on-camera.

“They called me a lot of nasty names at school. Double-D, which doesn’t sound bad, but it’s the way kids are nasty. Tiggle Bitties was another, which is where Tig comes from. I liked that one.”

Chalk up a victory for the pro-boobs movement. Tiggle’s first Voluptuous magazine in print and digital is the May 2016 issue, on-sale March 8th and she’s in April 2016 SCORE on-sale Feb. 2nd.

A natural marvel.

 

VN:F [1.9.13_1145]
Rating: 5.0/5

The wonders of Roxi Red at SCORELAND

January 15, 2016 by Elliot James 4 Comments

Every time we look at Roxi Red, we’re blown away by the sheer size of her big natural tits, especially compared to her overall slim physique.

We looked at this scene during a meeting, and everyone at the table was astounded. It takes a lot to do that.

Roxi is really incomparable. Retired Sammie Black’s boobs have a very different shape. Miosotis and Kristina Milan also have enormous tits.

“I love kissing, tit-sucking and getting oral best, in that order,” says Roxi about her favorite activities.

“I like a sweet-talking man who enjoys sucking tits.”

A fan from The Netherlands wrote, “I hope Roxi will run for president in Holland soon!”

We don’t believe that’s legally or logistically possible, but we approve his message.

Roxi: No bra can contain those boobs for long.

 

VN:F [1.9.13_1145]
Rating: 5.0/5

Dolly Fox: Big is best when it’s about the chest

January 8, 2016 by Elliot James 7 Comments

For those of you who need your Dolly Fox fix, and there are many of you, the new photo set and video “The Blonde Fox” will feed your Dolly addiction.

B.S. wrote about Dolly’s first SCORE magazine pictorial (January 2016), “Dolly’s layout features a wonderful mix of nasty and nastier views that highlight those 43″ cans. Her completely tanned body adds to the fun. Miss Fox has excellent eye-contact that will make jerking off at her all the more fun.”

“More is better. I never try to hide my boobs,” Dolly said. “I like to show what I have, and there is no better place to show what I have than in SCORE magazine. Whenever I go out, I always show my cleavage in tight tops and wear short dresses and high heels.”

 

"I'm a longtime fan myself of the SCORE Girls," says Dolly.

VN:F [1.9.13_1145]
Rating: 0.0/5

Tits & Jugs with Larissa Linn

December 26, 2015 by Elliot James 54 Comments

Step up to Larissa Linn.

Did Larissa Linn leave a fetish party like that at 6AM and take you to a private spot outside?

“I am educated in accounting and auditing, but my heart belongs to photography,” Larissa said. The numbers add up: 40-26-36.

Larissa says there are several things she can’t live without: her phone, high heels and her books written by her favorite Ukrainian authors.

Larissa is in the race for 2015 SCORE and V-mag Newcomer of the Year. This year is one of the all-time most difficult. So many fantastic girls to choose from.

A true water nymph.

VN:F [1.9.13_1145]
Rating: 5.0/5