"So, honey, I was thinking we could... uhh... try... umm... Eh, never mind."
Nothing against my 7th grade health teacher, but most of what I know about sex, I learned from porn and a little bit of trial and error. That’s probably not a good thing. I mean, sure, porn can show you the right things to do to a woman, but if you’re not careful about what aspects of it you bring into the bedroom, it can also get you a swift kick to the groin.
This week, I’ll share with you some of my insight, with the hope that maybe you won’t make the same mistakes I, and countless other men, have made in the past. You probably will, anyway, but don’t say I didn’t warn you…
I’ve learned that pizza delivery guys don’t get nearly the amount of ass that porn would have you believe, that it takes a lot more than a handful of spit to attempt a rear entry and that when everything is over, the cameras don’t just fade out…you actually have to clean shit up.
I’ve learned that some sexual positions are meant for photographic purposes only. You know that one position you always see, where the woman is basically doing a handstand while the guy stands on the couch and plows away from above? Who are they kidding? That can’t be comfortable for any of the parties involved. Just trust me on that one. It’ll save your girlfriend a trip to the chiropractor.
I’ve learned that if your wife’s hot friend is giving you “the look,” that is not, in fact, the best time to suggest maybe trying a threesome. Actually, I’m pretty sure there’s never a good time to suggest that. Ever. Especially not with any of her friends. Let’s face it. If you haven’t been involved in a threesome by the age of 30, that window of opportunity has pretty much closed. Could it happen? Certainly. Is it likely? Don’t go getting your hopes up. Just remember that beds are a lot more comfortable to sleep on than couches.
I’ve learned that even though porn stars seem to love it when a guy blasts one onto their face, your wife or girlfriend probably isn’t too eager for you to do the same. And even if she agrees, that seductive look that porn stars give when the moment arrives? Don’t expect that from your girl. She’ll most likely be squinting her eyes and scrunching up her face like she’s staring into the sun.
Basically, what I’ve learned is that some things are better left to the professionals. If you happen to have a girl who enjoys a little real-life porn action, then more power to you. Keep on keepin’ on. For the rest of us, though, let’s simply appreciate what porn stars do and just enjoy it from the safety of our computer screen.
There’s less of a chance of someone getting hurt that way.–Adam
Apologies for being so inactive on the blog, but I’ve been keeping busy behind the scenes with 18eighteen and XL Girls magazines.
Now, 18eighteen and XL Girls are about as polar opposite as you can get. But there’s one thing that readers of both magazines have in common: Redheads. They can’t get enough of ’em, and every month I get letters requesting more.
One redheaded babe in particular got a lot of attention in her XL debut in the Sept. ’09 issue (Special #187) and again in her interview in the Feb. ’10 issue (Special #193): Jade Parker. Reader B.C. from New Jersey wrote in saying, “I’d love to lick between Jade’s big, spread cheeks, tasting her hot balloon knot and slowly running my tongue all over her big, white bum.” And he wasn’t the only one. Guys were infatuated with her juicy ass as much as they were with her huge H-cup tits.
Now you guys get to see her again, this time in hardcore action in the movie K-Jugs. I had the pleasure of interviewing her while she was here for that shoot, and I can confirm that Jade is both a sweetheart and a freak! If you don’t believe me, just read her interview in XL Girls #193. Threesomes, gang-bangs and fucking on the side of the road are all part of her sexual repertoire.
So now that I’ve told you how much Jade loves to fuck, see it for yourself in this preview of her hardcore scene from K-Jugs. Enjoy!
And this is only the first two days of March. Sabina Leigh (and SCORE Girl Daphne Rosen, too) are both sexologists. She’s a “sexual intellectual.” Lola say she cums the hardest and the fastest from “a small vibrator in my ass and a large dildo in my vagina with a mini-vibrator on my clitoris.” Sunshine’s favorite position is “missionary, when he grinds his pelvis against mine, not just pumps his cock in and out.” Miranda did a fun video interview in 2005 with Dave and me. Her sexy Italian accent reminds me of all those Italian films I watched growing up. Davina once told us, “I think American men would probably be more interested in me ’cos it’s not often they see naturally big boobs with my small figure. Whereas Brit men just love breasts.”
Brandy & Reyna are the guests of battling K-JUGS DJs Samantha and Renee Ross
Brandy & Reyna bang two guys while K-JUGS DJ Samantha broadcasts the action.
Brandy Ryder and Reyna Mae are two stacked singers who call themselves The Red Hot Titty Peppers. Perfect guests for K-JUGS DJ Samantha 38G to interview on the air. “We actually met at a karaoke bar,” Brandy tells Samantha about how they created Red Hot Titty Peppers. “We both had the biggest boobs and the best voices in the place, so I walked over and introduced myself to Reyna.” Samantha announces the K-JUGS listener call-in contest that will hook-up two lucky guys with Brandy and Reyna right there in the studio as Samantha broadcasts the blow-by-blows. The girls live up to their name, Hot Spunk. Because they inspire a lot of it!
In this on-the-set video, Brandy and Reyna show you the eye-poppin’ breast-wear they wear at K-JUGS and show you more behind-the-scenes fun during the making of this new XL Girls DVD release. Samantha gives Reyna a boob-head too! Judging from all the backstage videos, everyone had a blast making this movie. Check out K-Jugs!
It's bra modeling time in the Karla James Special.
Holy gazongas, Boob Man! Xmas gifts come way early this weekend at SCORELAND! First up, the stunning Karla James does a bra special in her fourth pictorial. Karla says, “I have to buy my bras from a well-known shop here in England called Bravissimo. They specialize in large support bras for big-busted women.” And they’re doing a fine job of work in supporting the big boobs of the UK, we might add! Don’t forget that next week, we wrap up this special with pictorial #5 plus a video. Ya don’t want to miss it.
Africa and friend take the sweater fetish to the limit in SCORE Theater.
Today, Africa wears the tightest sweater and the shortest mini-skirt she has for her date with an Englishman who sure loves him some big sweater bulges! Africa gives him everything she’s got and backs up that nice, round butt for his English banger in a SCORE Theater video called “Sweater Stretching And Anal” aka “Bangers And (Mammary) Mash.” Africa’s been cumming heresince 2001, and we’re always happy to see her cum. (Or as the Brits say, “I’m arriving.”)
Shione goes all the way on her first SCORELAND date!
And finally on Sunday, the month climaxes, and so does the model, in “Boobs, Boots And A Body For Sex”starring the mystery girl that Dave discussed in earlier blogs. So who’s this great mystery girl? Her name is Shione Cooper, and she’s another new, stacked Czech from a long line of buxom Czech beauties. Twenty-two-year-old Shione was only doing mild glamour pin-up posing (no open leg, no pink) when she started modeling last spring, but her chest was preceding her and turning her into the latest big-boobed European sensation. During the last two SCORE road trips to Prague in 2009, our schedules just didn’t connect in the same time-space continuum. Then we got the news that Shione was ready to do bottomless lap-dancing (read: fucking). We didn’t ask her why the change of pace, but never question the power of the boob gods and goddesses looking down from Mount Mammary. Just go with the flow. Shione doesn’t just lay there and say the ceiling needs painting, either. She’s as hot as a sex pistol…a 34DDD caliber sex pistol.
One of my favorite things about Samantha 38G is her sense of humor. She loves to laugh. And when she laughs, her 38 G guns undulate. 🙂
(Yes, I said, undulate. I love that word.)
Anyhow, back to Samantha…
When she was here filming the new DVD K-Jugs, there was so much backstage footage of her on-set shenanigans that we compiled this little clip for you guys of her massive guns and her charm. That’s right, boys. We are showcasing wits and tits here!
Our cameraman Lester got this footage of Sam getting dressed for a scene, and I have to say that Samantha looks very hot in red. And that this red top that she is wearing must be made of space-age polyfibers because it withstands the weight and stretch of her cannons. According to Sam, she wears this top out on dates. All I can say is that if I were a guy and I picked Sam up and she was in this top…oooh weeeee…I think my motor skills would be compromised for the entire night. Who could concentrate or even converse with a valley of cleavage like this staring you in the face?
Check out the very hot Samantha 38G and then you get down on your knees and give thanks for leopard panties, big tits, the color red and stretchy tops.
What I’m about to say has nothing to do with big tits, but I’m writing it because I thought you’d be interested in knowing it, and also because I’m kinda hoping some of you might be compelled to go see it first-hand. It’s newsworthy. The kinda thing you tell your friends, “You won’t believe what I saw today.” So here goes.
Right now, over at our sister website 50PlusMILFs.com, A 75-YEAR-OLD WOMAN IS FUCKING!
That’s right. A 75-year-old woman is fucking. Her name is Sandra Ann, and she’s got the dude’s big, black cock all the way down her throat (and I mean all the way!), and then she fucks him hard. I’d show you a picture, but she doesn’t big tits (if you want to see her, click the 50PlusMILFs.com link above for a preview). Besides, that’s not the point. The point is that there’s A 75-YEAR-OLD WOMAN IS FUCKING AT 50PLUSMILFS.COM!
It’s mind-boggling, and it’s impressive, too. I interviewed her for the site, and when she we were just talking, going back and forth, she seemed very tight, nervous. But then the stud’s cock came out, and she loosened right up. Afterwards, I asked Lucas, the very hung stud, how many women have deep-throated him, and he said, “One. Her.”
Now, understandably, some of you might be wondering, “Who the hell would want to see that?” Well, a lot of guys want to see it. Sandra Ann’s postings are getting rave reviews…five stars out of five stars for all of them! And I gotta tell you, sitting there watching her deep-throat a cock…I was stirred. Now, I’ve never fucked a 75-year-old woman, but I hope to one day.
To put this in perspective, the oldest model we’ve ever featured in SCORE and SCORELAND is Lacey Legends. She was 53 when she made her final appearance in the August 2001 issue.
Fifty-three. That’s young enough to be Sandra Ann’s daughter.
So, regarding this week’s poll: how old is too old? How does 75 strike you?
Lacey Legends was 53 years young when she posed for this photo.
Ashley Sage Ellison hides her porn in her cleavage.
Last week, I solicited the help of you, the reader, for topics for this week’s “Bucking Bronco.” In the least surprising news of the decade, you failed me. Miserably. Therefore, you’re stuck with the topic du jour: why the hell do we hide our porn?
Get this. Even I hide my porn.
Now wrap your minds around that for a second. I’m a 28-year-old man who works in porn. My live-in girlfriend knows exactly what I do for a living. Even my parents are fully aware that I get paid to stare at naked women for eight hours a day. And yet, when I go home at night and turn on the computer, I have to click through a half-dozen secretly named folders just to find a picture of Ashley Sage’s beautiful boobs.
I’m not joking. And when I hide my porn, I go all out. I become a fucking ninja. You’re not going to come over to my house and find some gang bang action sitting right on my computer’s desktop. No, I tuck that shit inside of a folder, which goes inside of a folder, which goes inside of another folder, all named after some fake computer software that I know nobody in their right mind would ever go looking through. I name those folders all sorts of weird shit, too: RSU_Updates, WinPRN, BBMO98. The more intense the porn, the more elaborately I name the folder.
Even your Internet browser knows you’re playing 007 with that stuff. That’s why Firefox, Chrome and every other browser give you the option to start a “Private Browsing” session. Who, exactly, was that designed for, other than people looking at porn? Have you ever been looking at CNN’s website and thought, “Man, I really wish there were a way for me to hide this from my wife…” Of course not. It’s all about hiding the porn.
And here’s the reason.
No matter how confident your girl is in your relationship, no matter how much she trusts you, there’s always going to be that chance that she finds your porn collection on the one day she’s feeling insecure. And then you’re fucked. Because, generally speaking, women don’t see things the same way men do. As men, we know that even though our sex life may be fine, we’d like to watch an Asian girl get pounded in the ass once in a while. It doesn’t necessarily mean that we wish it were us. It just means that we appreciate that someone else filmed it for our enjoyment. Hey, who are we to argue?
If a woman were to find this on a particularly a bad day, though, you better believe you’re going to be having insecure, lights-off, missionary sex for the better part of a month. Good luck with that. Of course, that’s only going to come AFTER the three-hour “What does she have that I don’t?” conversation. And don’t even act like you haven’t had that one before.
So, in order to prevent this terrible chain of events, we bury our porn like a treasure chest. It may seem dumb, but it’s a necessary part of being a man. Admit it. You do it, too. It’s not an act of cowardice, so don’t feel ashamed. It’s just smart. Because in a perfect world, you can let the boobs roam free. But here in the real world, they’ve gotta be kept a few mouse clicks away from civilization.
Feel free to share your porn-stashing secrets in the comments below. Or tell us if you’re the pornographic rebel who leaves his shit out there for the world to see. Or just call me a jerk off. Whichever you prefer.
The new XL Girls movie K-Jugs is here, and it stars RENEE ROSS! (Who you know is one of my faves.) While we were filming this stacktacular masterpiece, we had Lester, our infamous cameraman, follow all the girls around on the set, and he had some pretty great moments with the likes of Ms. Ross, Samantha 38G, Bailey Santanna, Brandy Ryder, Reyna Mae and Jade Parker.
We will be unveiling some of his footage throughout the week so all of you guys can get an idea of what it was like on the set. (We always try to give our guys some funny backstage/blooper stuff.)
K-Jugs was the brainchild of one of our readers, who wrote in and gave us the idea for the flick in the SCORE Scriptwriting contest. So we got some hot busties together, and they went to town doing raunchy XXX. And just like that, our reader’s fantasy came true.
Yes, SCORE is like Make A Wish for boob guys. lol
Here’s my synopsis of K-Jugs:
Sam and Renee play rival DJs at a station called K-JUGS.
Sam and Renee fuck each other! 🙂
There are big tits all over the place.
Bailey Santanna fucks.
And she gets cum all over her face. (Yay!)
Reyna and Brandy get hot and sticky in a four-way.
Jade Parker’s in this flick, too.
And guess what? She fucks!
Bang. Bang. Bang. Boobs. Moneyshot.
And we all cum happily ever after.
Sigh. Don’t you just love happy endings? lol
And now some fine backstage footage of the one, the only Renee Ross. (Also a cameo by the hotness that is Samantha 38G.)
Enjoy it boys! And look for K-Jugs at the eBoobStore this Friday!
I fear that many of you are going to call me an idiot for asking this question because I’m sure that for some of you, it’s self-evident: Black and Latina women seem to have pinker pussies because their skin color provides contrast for the pinkness in their pussies (as opposed to white or pinkish skin that blends in with the color of a woman’s pussy). But I’m not so sure about that explanation. Just as a test, enlarge this photo of Africa (left) and keep enlarging it until all you can see is pussy (or, if you like, use some paper to block out everything but her pussy).
Candace Von's pussy.
See? Even without her brown skin to contrast the pinkness in her pussy, Africa’s pussy is still vibrantly pink. Of course, Africa might be a bad example because she has the pinkest pussy I’ve ever seen. So check out the pussy to the right and the ones below, too.
Have you ever seen white chicks with pussies this pink?
Do I spend too much time thinking about tits and pussy? Hey, it’s my job.
I also feel that the pinker a pussy, the more it should be described as a cunt. Pussy sounds soft, cuddly. Ultra-pink pussy is wet and in your face. It’s a cunt. It needs to be eaten and fucked. Otherwise, its raison d’etre is destroyed. I don’t mean this in a derogatory way (as in, “That girl is a real cunt”). I mean it in a complimentary, descriptive way (as in, “That girl has a really pink cunt that I’d love to fuck”).