The Bucking Bronco: There’s real life, and there’s porn. Thank god for porn.
"So, honey, I was thinking we could... uhh... try... umm... Eh, never mind."
Nothing against my 7th grade health teacher, but most of what I know about sex, I learned from porn and a little bit of trial and error. That’s probably not a good thing. I mean, sure, porn can show you the right things to do to a woman, but if you’re not careful about what aspects of it you bring into the bedroom, it can also get you a swift kick to the groin.
This week, I’ll share with you some of my insight, with the hope that maybe you won’t make the same mistakes I, and countless other men, have made in the past. You probably will, anyway, but don’t say I didn’t warn you…
I’ve learned that pizza delivery guys don’t get nearly the amount of ass that porn would have you believe, that it takes a lot more than a handful of spit to attempt a rear entry and that when everything is over, the cameras don’t just fade out…you actually have to clean shit up.
I’ve learned that some sexual positions are meant for photographic purposes only. You know that one position you always see, where the woman is basically doing a handstand while the guy stands on the couch and plows away from above? Who are they kidding? That can’t be comfortable for any of the parties involved. Just trust me on that one. It’ll save your girlfriend a trip to the chiropractor.
I’ve learned that if your wife’s hot friend is giving you “the look,” that is not, in fact, the best time to suggest maybe trying a threesome. Actually, I’m pretty sure there’s never a good time to suggest that. Ever. Especially not with any of her friends. Let’s face it. If you haven’t been involved in a threesome by the age of 30, that window of opportunity has pretty much closed. Could it happen? Certainly. Is it likely? Don’t go getting your hopes up. Just remember that beds are a lot more comfortable to sleep on than couches.
I’ve learned that even though porn stars seem to love it when a guy blasts one onto their face, your wife or girlfriend probably isn’t too eager for you to do the same. And even if she agrees, that seductive look that porn stars give when the moment arrives? Don’t expect that from your girl. She’ll most likely be squinting her eyes and scrunching up her face like she’s staring into the sun.
Basically, what I’ve learned is that some things are better left to the professionals. If you happen to have a girl who enjoys a little real-life porn action, then more power to you. Keep on keepin’ on. For the rest of us, though, let’s simply appreciate what porn stars do and just enjoy it from the safety of our computer screen.
There’s less of a chance of someone getting hurt that way.–Adam
Tags: Christy Marks, guest blog, Karina Hart, porn
Categories: Guest Bloggers
so what do you think of men who want their girlfriends to make videos with Ron Jeremy? he’s had lot of that.
Thank you Scoreland for filming these two girls together.. it’s like you’re filming a work of art….beautiful art
Absolutely, there’s professional sex and then there’s reality sex. At our advancing age, contortionism in the bedroom is best left to young, flexible goddesses like Christy Marks.
Still, I’m all for exploring boundaries together and keeping it honest as to what you might want to put on the Wishlist of Wishful Sexual Adventurism. There’s certainly no harm in asking. How else is she to know which of your long-standing fantasies she might actually find acceptable?
At least porn gives you the occasional moment of: “I wonder if she’d go for something like that…” And although the answer is more often a resounding: “No, thank you very much!”, a good proportion are greeted with: “…But well done for trying it on!”
The best thing that porn ever introduced us to? Squirting and the wonderful world of G-spot orgasms. For that alone, I’m forever grateful to the technological revolution that made watching porn together in the bedroom possible. And for daring to ask her!
Not only is Karina Hart great, she is so open.
When I was delivering pizzas one of the guys came back with his clothes all torn. He had a delivery of a large with everything and a single diet soda. That usually signals a “large Marge” – and it was. He said it was the ugliest person, male or female he’d ever seen, and she grabbed him as he was making change. We had a few girls we delivered to who could easily be in Score, Voluptuous or XL, but this was not one of them.
And when I was a UPS driver, we had a guy filling in for a guy on vacation for a week. He said without fail, twice a day different women would answer the door in lingerie, and be very sad that he was at the door and not the other guy. When that guy returned, he confessed he didn’t eat lunch on his lunch break…
Best blog post yet, a hint of honesty and reality is good now and then.
I would agree with a lot of those statements…. But there are those girls that fuck like porn stars, and those nasty sluts keep hope alive.