Titties, titties, titties…you gotta fuckin’ love them!
I know I do. I mean, they bounce, they jiggle, they’re squishy and full and sucking on them is sorta nutritious. You can slap ’em around and pinch ’em and they are great things to sandwich your hands or your cock between.
But you want to know what my favorite thing about big tits is?
MOTORBOATING THEM.
If you just stopped reading this and asked, “What’s that mean?” then you need to hang your head in shame and turn in your big-tit lover’s card. It’s been revoked!
Okay, not really, but that just means I will have to take this time to explain what motorboating is.
Unlike Elliot, the boob Jedi here at SCORE, I am not going to go into a very detailed explanation of the history of the term motorboat here. (Sorry Elliot, not knocking your research! lol) I’ll just explain where I first heard the term and then what it is.
There is a wonderful, little flick called Wedding Crashers and in it there is a scene where Owen Wilson’s character has just been come on to by smoking-hot cougar, Jane Seymour. Afterward, he meets up with his best bud, played by the always-funny Vince Vaughn and explains that this MILF just forced him to grope her breasts, Vince Vaughn says:
“Hey, what were they like anyway? They looked pretty good, are they real? Are they built for speed or comfort? What’d you do with them? Motorboat? You play the motorboat? [makes sputtering motorboat noise] You motorboatin’ son of a bitch! You old sailor you!”
Basically, what it means to motorboat a hot set of tits is when you wedge your face between them and either squeeze the tits firmly about your mug or have the woman, whom said tits belong to, squeeze them for you. Then you proceed to make a sputtering motor noise with your mouth and shake your head back and forth in her cleavage.
Infantile? Maybe. But I can’t tell you how much joy this brings me every time I do it to a big set of hooters. I can’t tell you how many strippers I’ve done this to, either.
But the funny thing is how many NORMAL, EVERY-DAY, AVERAGE WOMEN have let me do this to their tits, too. Or how many men and women have asked to do it to me. (In fact, I once hosted a charity booth for breast cancer where I let strangers motorboat me for $1 for a couple of hours. About $500 later, I came to terms with the power of the motorboat! lol) Maybe it’s because it was brought into the mainstream by Wedding Crashers, but you would be surprised how many people motorboat tits and how many big-titted women are okay with it. And seriously, in a world full of dirty, nasty sexual things that you CAN’T do in public, motorboating is just good, clean fun. lol
Luckily, I managed to get a shot of Renee Ross motorboating once of our studio lads to illustrate the proper way this should be done.
My advice, go out to your local bar or pool hall and find yourself a big-breasted babe. Buy her a drink and then, after you’ve exchanged the preliminaries and she is convinced you’re a great guy, ask her if you can motorboat her boobs. Now, it may not work all the time (Men have asked me and sometimes I have said no…but there are plenty of times I’ve said yes.), but chances are, she might say yes and you will get to mash your face into her sweet valley of tit-flesh.
And once you do, I suggest you hang on and ride the tide, you old sailors, you!
In one of last week’s blogs, Maria asked how many items could be stuffed into a large cleavage bin. This is sort of a follow-up along that line. We have a cool Renee Ross video for you today shot by Maria. It’s kind of like a Japanese game show without any dangerous stunts. Today is Renee’s chance to show us how big her J-cup wonders are compared to common objects. First a ball. Then, a balloon. Maria somehow found a soccer ball from an old pictorial. And finally, a desk globe. We were more than impressed by Renee’s ability to hold the soccer ball under one hooter. That means she could do the same to a guy’s head. I’m sure that would be a lot more fun than being waterboarded and probably would yield more information too. We applaud Maria too for juggling both camera and props. Well done, my lovely co-worker.
Now we know what Renee’s J-cups are like compared to household objects, there’s a better sense of perspective. J-cups are MASSIVE!
This weekend, we have an interview with Angel Gee, who’s tiny (5′, 124 pounds) but unbelievably super-stacked at 42-28-38. The interview is part of her swimsuit pictorial in the August ’09 SCORE. When we asked her about bras, she said, “I like Victoria’s Secret. They have really nice bras, even though they don’t fit me that well. I get a size smaller so it pushes my breasts up. It might not fit right but it looks better! It brings them up and out. Brings them to the center of attention. It doesn’t fit right, but it looks good, and that’s what counts.”
I paid close attention to what Angel was saying. Even if a bra doesn’t fit right, she’s willing to make the sacrifice to look hot to guys. Angel loves tits, the bigger the better. I love that attitude. Sometimes I have to remind myself that there are still some women who have as big a breast fetish as guys do. We just don’t see them on TV or in the print media. How many big-boobed actresses get TV shows? Or become news anchors? (Except for Latin TV.) So Angel’s point-of-view helps to re-energize things. I like girls who are 100% comfortable in their own skin, and she is.
“I love to be naked,” Angel said. She lives in the country, not in any fast-paced big cities. “If I’m just walking around the house, if I’m not naked, I’m wearing something skimpy, like little booty shorts and a little, tight top. And I walk my dogs like that, and there are a few neighbors where I am, but I don’t care. And I love heels! I think I was born in them. I even walk around the house in them. My slippers have heels. I just like to be sexy and dress up, and I love to dress down.”
Those pierced nipples? She talks about them, too. But that’s another story.
Oh, how I love boobs in all their wonderful shapes and all their wonderful sizes. It’s great to come to work and talk tits all day long with my fellow boob hounds. And more often than not, they will ask me what my favorite flavor of boob flesh is. It is hard to choose because I hold a special place in my heart for creamy, white tits with pink, perky nips as well as round mocha mams with chocolate dugs. But at the end of the day, I am going to have to give it up to the caramel cuties that make me cream. Oh, yes…full, tan, ripe Latina breasts are my favorite flavor. I think it has to do with my Latin upbringing and the fact that I have been surrounded by chesty chicas my whole life. In fact, I can remember the first time I saw a huge pair of Latina tits, up close and personal. I was a young girl and had been sent to buy some dresses with my nanny Jessica, who was in her 20s at the time.
Stacked mamacita Sharday is one of my all-time Latina faves!
She took me to the dressing room armed with an arsenal of dresses for the both of us to try on. We stepped into the tiny dressing room, and that’s when she stripped off her shorts and top. Lo and behold, she was braless, and her perfectly shaped, caramel DDs were swinging around in my face. I think she caught me looking at her tatas because she kind of stuck her chest out proudly and told me, “Don’t worry, mija, you will have a pair like these soon, and then you will have to buy big bras like I do.” If I close my eyes now, I can still imagine those orbs swinging around as she tried on dresses.
Paola Rios is one chesty chica I'd like to motorboat.
Yurizan has great Latina tits.
Oh, Jessica…your tits were so fine!
So today, I figured I would post some of my favorite Latina ladies from SCORELAND because, let’s face it, looking at pretty mamacitas and their ripe racks ain’t that terrible a way to spend the day.
Do any of you share my love of Latina ladies with big tits?
Anyone remember Kyla Ebbert from last year? She was the skimpily dressed 23-year-old hottie who was led off of a Southwest Airlines flight for wearing clothing that was considered too sexy. The story even made international headlines. A Southwest flight attendant asked Kyla to leave her seat while the plane was preparing to leave San Diego. Ebbert, a Hooters waitress and a student, was headed to Tucson, Arizona for a doctor’s appointment. She said Southwest representatives told her, “You’re dressed inappropriately. This is a family airline. You’re too provocative to fly on this plane.” Kyla was allowed back on the plane after adjusting her sweater.
I have to wonder how Southwest would react to SCORE models Lori Pleasure, Crystal Gunns and Cindy Cupps if they tried to a board a Southwest jet? Would they shut the flight down?
Lori Pleasure dresses for comfort even when she's in public.
Crystal Gunns and Cindy Cupps: "I'm sorry, girls. You can't take this flight."
Today I want to talk about two subjects that are near and dear to my heart: areolae and nipples.
You see, I think that big tits are great but only because every tit out there has its own personality based on what kind of dug it’s sporting. There are all sorts of nips and areolae out there, and I’ve always wondered if anyone else categorizes them like I do. When I see a pair of big tits, I automatically assess the type of dug and file said tits into their own class.So I figured why not share my thoughts on nipples with you guys, eh? I would love to know if you guys have your own categories for areolae and what they are. Let’s discuss!
And now, without further ado, let’s take a quick stroll down Dug Street, gentlemen.
-Maria
Pepperonnis: Otherwise known as "chicas," these areolae are darker in color and usually found on Latina ladies like Paola Rios.
Mocha Mams/m&m's: Dark and lovely dugs that look like they taste like chocolate. Janet Jade's got a great pair of m&m's.
Pink Perkies: Tiny nipples and tiny areolae that are usually lighter in color, like June Summers'.
Pierced Pups: Any type of nipple sporting jewelery like Alexis Amore's.
Super-Sizers: When areolae are large and make up more than 40% of the facade of a big tit like Denise Davies' dugs.
Faders: When areolae are so faint in color that they kind of dissappear into the rest of the tit flesh like Bea Flora's do.
Ha! I said it was only a matter of time before I got to chat with Kelly Shibari, and I was right! I stormed into our studio today and basically stole Kelly from her sit-down interview with our XL Girls editor, Allie Q. (Sorry, Allie!)
Why did I do that?
Well, ever since someone commented that I look like Ms. Shibari, everyone in the office has been calling me Kelly. So I thought it would be fun to talk with her, and yes, I wanted to see her tits in person…and I did! Lester, our video editor, played cameraman while I chatted with Kelly and subsequently almost fell when the wood floor I was standing on split open and swallowed my high heel! lol Kelly was a great sport, teaching me how to talk dirty in Japanese and letting me rest my head on her tits, too. (I fucking LOVE laying my noggin on a pair of big tits. Pillow tits are my place of comfort.)
Check out the video below of my first encounter with my Asian “twin.” LOL!
A few weeks ago, Tom, one of our regular letter writers, sent an email for publication in “SCORE Card.” This letter was about a topic very near and dear to me and a lot of other boob-men.
“I know we’ve all seen this before: the big-titted girl who is running down the street late for an appointment. I see it a lot at airports. Unfortunately, that girl is always cognizant of the fact that she’s got a huge rack, and she runs with an arm covering her boobs so they don’t bounce. Ladies, it’s a blessing to have huge tits. Next time you’re running down the street (hopefully wearing something tight), please let your massive sweater melons fly. I like to watch.”
When I saw this video of Brandy Talore running (the perfect girl to ask to run), I knew I had to post it along with Tom’s letter. Like Tom, I love to see big-boobed girls walk, jog and run. I’ve been known to beg our studio for this. Years ago, I even used to hang out at the airport for the chance to see a busty girl jogging to the gate. The best sight is an airport runner wearing big heels or wedges and a tank top. It’s not the same as going to the gym or to an outdoor location to see girls running because most of them are all strapped in by their sports bra, and there’s little boob-bouncing quotient (an actual mathematical formula used by bra developers. Remind me to blog about that one day.).
My only suggestion would be for the videographer to get closer next time and try to record the model’s breathing with an attached microphone.
I can also happily live with an arm-swinging power walker. She doesn’t have to run or jog! But please, leave the bra at home!
Haven't you seen a girl adjust her tits in public?
Okay, so I have big tits and sometimes I’ve been known to reach down into my bra and shift my boobs around. They’re tits. They bounce around when I walk and jiggle when I giggle. And with all of that moving around, somehow or another, they start to break loose from the confines of my sturdy bras. So, I’ll reach in and lift them and shift them back into place. It’s about a five second process for each tit, and then I am good for about an hour when I have to do it again.
Sometimes I do it subconsciously in public and I will look up and catch some guy watching me like I just tore my shirt off or something. The look on his face reads, “Did you just fondle yourself in public? Did you just cop a feel of your own jugs in my presence? Do it again!” lol
I didn’t really realize that it was a big deal until I caught some guy adjusting his junk at the supermarket the other night.
When I see a guy adjusting his package in public, I stare, too.
Renee's boobs are wild and unruly. She adjusts them in public all the time.
How could I not? It’s hard to look away when a man palms his cash and prizes right out in the open and shifts them around.
Maybe women shifting boobs in their bras is the equivalent of guys adjusting their junk?
I ran that by new V-Girl Renee Ross, and she told me that there is a huge difference.
“Boobs are hot,” she said. “Touching them in public is hot. It’s sexy to see a woman touch herself like that. But a guy adjusting his package is NOT.”
Big tits: Like a headrest, but better.
This is true. I guess at the end of the day, we would all rather watch Renee feel herself up and fix her bra, eh?
What say you, boob men? Do you think it’s hot when a woman tit-adjusts in public? Do you guys catch chicks doing this a lot?
-Maria
PS: Taking these photos for the blog was exhausting. Thankfully, Renee let me rest my weary head on her J-cup pillow tits. Yes, they are comfortable. Yes, they are amazing. In fact, I might have left a little drool on her right tit! lol
The Net is much cooler than TV. Because no one ever created a “back at ya” button for TV. Although people can write or phone a television station, they generally don’t because TV has trained us for generations to be a passive audience. But on the Net, real interaction is possible.
So I have a question.
It would be a great world if you could just walk up to a girl and ask her to play with her tits, and then she did. But that will never happen. So let’s say a big-boobed model is coming into SCORELAND for the day and you could ask her to do one thing with her ta-tas while you videotaped her for less a minute. What would it be? Try on a tight top? Stiffen her nipples? Jiggle or shake them? Slap them together? Jump up and down?
What would you have her do? Let us know, and we’ll see if we can make it happen. And don’t forget to tell us who you want to do it, too.
